Do you hate when people lie to comfort you? I do…that is what happened yesterday and today. So, I am talking to my counselor and I tell her something that happened at home. I say you cannot tell, please. But nope… “I am sorry, I am mandated to tell” was her response. Then she tells me “nothing will come of it.” Then today I get told “something will most definitely come of it.” I don’t know who to believe; my counselor or the other person. I was also told “well it was nice knowing you. They’re gonna talk you out of your house.” Which where […]
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I don’t know how long it’s been since I posted something here, but it’s been some time…
I should probably start with ‘hi’. I felt the need to write something today. Not for any particular reason, I just want to write something.
Things are… Let’s go with okay. It’s been a lot of ups and downs recently. Let’s start with the ups:
I’ve moved on to a new area of education, left some friends behind, and made a few new ones. It’s all for the better, these new friends seem to be better people.
I ahould be starting counselling soon, which is good, because […]
I just left home. I wish I had the strength to finish myself. I cannot see the next minute. I’m paralyzed. I’m by myself. I want to be. I’ve lived everyday of my life for everyone around me. I have big responsibilities. I would be ashamed to say what I’ve left behind. I don’t know what to do. I’m in my car. I’ve never NOT been depressed and I’ve grown tired. Weary. But here’s the thing…the outside world would be shocked. I’m that person that motivates and inspires. I’m a light of positivity. The energy it has taken me to smile everyday and try to […]
Insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 consonants, 4 vowels….it’s 4:00 in the morning, on a sunday…well, it’s a crying shame….not much left to do, but complain, of course…….I better find someone to blame….this insomnia will be the death of me……………it will
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if […]
Four years passed in a blink of an eye,
left behind a bird can’t fly,
Every miss and every flaw,
All the tears and all the woe;
Striking now like blinding light,
A beaten soul through hopeless fight,
“Only if” won’t bring you back,
Nor the sorrow that shades the track,
Should I do IT should I not,
Time will tell though not a lot.
The boy sat alone in a dark room.
The world around him simply moved on.
The boy saw it happen, but he did not care to stop it
He had become a separate entity.
Something in the outside.
Outside
The outside was dismal, dark, crushing
He only returned there for the sick pleasure the pain gave him
He knew it was dangerous
He knew the risks
From the outside he watched home, and the world continuing without him
He saw it all and was almost content.
Almost.
He saw it, hell, he looked down upon the world he once knew
But the part of him that belonged there.
It longed to be home.
The boy realized his mistake.
He […]
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality
by KH
written by KH
i liked this quote. I like Edgar Allen Poe. So here it is. It has no reference in particular; I just read some of his work today and it stuck in my mind.
it’s been months since my last post on here – good news I guess. But now I’m back – bad new now, I guess. Everything’s been okay-ish. I was recently re-admitted to hospital for abdominal pains, had another operation and I’m out again, for now anyways. Now, surely, when you’re in hospital, your ‘other half’ shall we say should want to see you, correct? Or at least want to talk to you, if […]
Please don’t lead me on by saying I’m a nice girl. Please don’t lead me on by texting me for ten hours straight then not texting me for two weeks. Please don’t act like we had something. Because we obviously didn’t. I tried to be the one for you- and yet you left. Just like they all do. I thought you were different. Now I sit on my bed in my room with my knife in my hand, and I had thought I was different to. My friends told me you were the super shy, sweet guy who just had a horrible break up. I’ve […]
I have bad anxiety and suffer from depression. I don’t know why God has chosen this life for me. I want out of this life but I know it’ll greatly impact the people around me. I worry mostly about my mom and my siblings because I know they’ll be affected the most. But I’m tired of taking everyone into consideration I’m not happy and I want out! I’m tired of waking up and faking a smile just to make other people think that I’m okay when I’m really suffering inside. Today I was going to drown myself and just as I get ready to step […]
they knew i wasn’t happy
they knew i wanted to kill myself
they knew i need to leave this country
they just don’t care about you
they don’t
and now what
he crushed your dreams and left you alone.
everyone is busy with their life and dreams
you’re the one with nothing
why don’t you get it ?
you only have yourself in this hopeless world..
The day I attempted, I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn’t care who was hurt and who would be a complete mess if I actually did die. I wanted out. For weeks before I was under so much stress from my mother. Everything was always my fault. Everything. The night before I attempted, I stayed out til 4 am with my boyfriend having one of the best nights in my life. When I finally came home, with 1% on my phone battery, I was locked out. She locked me outside in the downpour thunderstorm, frozen cold.
I managed to get my phone one long enough to […]
being awake doesn’t bother me. I do rather enjoy life. But sleep is just so much better. Something about going to sleep is appealing. If it weren’t for the fact you had to inevitably wake up, it would be the perfect feeling.
Does anyone else feel like every time you wake up to a new day, a little more of you is stripped away? If I could turn down sleep, I probably would. Because every time I wake up, I slowly fall apart more. If sleeping wasn’t a factor then what is left of me would remain in tact. But you can’t stay awake, not forever. […]
there’s no way that you are stuck on me like you used to be
and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
to disappear without any trace
to open my eyes and see only your face
and to never be away from your side
wish we were so gone
stuck on these and your wide open seas and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
warm lunar pole breezes here will keep us fine again
warm lunar pole breezes to the end
after light when we’re on our own and they slip on by
i had to […]
He vanished
like fog disappears once the sun rises.
He left the world, cause he couldn’t take it anymore.
I wish he could have asked for help,
His wife and 2 boys crying
He was funny
helped with computers
He brought his wife lunch everyday
and dropped his boys off at school
He believed in God
and I hope he made it up in Heaven
He is missed by all down on Earth
Though we wish he didn’t do
what he did and
vanish
Hey guys sorry I haven’t been writing on here in a while. My junior year of college started a few weeks ago. This past weekend was rough 2nd E.R. visit in two months ( both for different reasons), feeling shitty, Accidentally cut my foot open when I bumped into a glass candle while shopping at bath and body works. The bottom end of it landed on my left foot broken part down. Thank goodness it only left a small scar on my foot, ended up being betrayed by a friend at church that I thought I could trust. Now I keep seeing photos and statuses […]
When did you ever leave?
I didn’t
Where the fuck are you?
I’m still here
I’m going to let go
But you can’t…can you
No I guess I can’t let her go. I never have been able to. I still hold her hand in mine, I still look into her eyes, I still hear her voice in my head. I can still feel her presence…as if she’s standing next to me. Is she? Am I crazy? Am I ever going to be able to forget? No Rory you can’t let her go can you, you weak fuck. […]
Up until I hit middle school, I like to think I was a normal kid. A little shy, but I had friends and liked myself. I didn’t know it was possible to dislike yourself.
My middle and high school years have their own stories to them, but I’ll share them another time. Basically, wearing glasses, having acne, and I guess just something about my personality in general marked me as a target in middle school. My high school years were spent avoiding any sort of attention, even though I looked a lot different and likely wouldn’t have been made fun of anymore. I was terrified of […]
i don’t know, i’m not even that old. but life just seems so tiring and pointless, every day, i do the same thing, and i don’t even do it well, and i just can’t find the energy to do anything. yet in front of everyone i have to put up a smile, and act like i’m ok with this life. and maybe i need to quote megan louisa garcia when i say it seems like right now, the most i can hope for is persevering through life, not enjoying it, not living it, and that’s really not what i want. at times, i just feel […]
So my cousin who I consider More of a friend and my friend from high school get along really well and we all hang out but now they are both in relationships and the 4 of them get along so well they are talking about double dates and I just left bcoz I have no1 and even if I did I don’t know how to be in a relationship or what love feels like the only example I have growing up is not 1 that I consider love and It is I don’t want it but I have also just lost the only 2 friends […]