So, apparently there is this earthquake that is supposed to take place in California on May 28th and I hope it happens so I can finally die in my sleep. I’m tired of this life, and I’m tired of waking up in the mornings knowing I have to start another miserable day of this life of mine. I’ve posted here in the past several times but as the days go on my depression gets worse and my thoughts get deeper. I honestly can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of being so lonely and only being remembered when people need something from me. I have no […]
Tag:
life
Disgusted with society… Not just the fact that a lot of ppl are all about judging and being hypocrites but because I have a kik to talk and socialize with ppl from here and I’ve had multiple ppl txt only about sex… Get a life sick fucks!!! I swear! Ugh fed up
what am i doing when people have moved on in life
Im 17 years old. My dad is a heavy drinker and is addicted to meth. When I was younger my dad used to touch me inappropriately when he was all strung out on meth. Everytime I now see him strung out, I play the moment of him touching me. I’m scarred for life. I can’t look at my father the same. I smoke weed to cope. I am really depressed with my home life. No one in my family has ever graduated from my moms side or my dads side, an I want to be the first. But I don’t .believ in myself. I lack […]
im 17 and my parents started the process of divorce my brother is already past 18 and doesnt have the choices to make of who to live with, my boyfriend for a little longer than a year and i broke up because his sister kept saying he could do better and that i was pathetic, i feel like i have no friends they dont invite me anywhere to do anything with them, i have depression and have been wanting to cut really deep lately but my parents locked up all the knives and i could just go to walmart and buy a new one but […]
I’m not living. I’m just existing. Going through the motions of life. Never happy. Never content. Never satisfied.
I am nothing but words
Soon…
They’ll be nothing too
I am self-destructing
While re-constructing
The lives of others
Death
The end of life for some
The end of torture for most
If I don’t make it through
Say something nice about me
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
I hate living ,its so horrible and lots of problems ,how hard is heart feels. You love someone for live life along but are the once who sucks you most. Why you love some one ? to take of you but they act like animals and selfish . I never want to born again
As i’m sitting here, home alone, typing this, i’m feeling slightly hopeful for this website. I don’t know how many people are active here. I don’t even know if I really care. All I know is that I need a place to vent when I need to, and this place caught my eye. I would like to begin by just venting about my setting. I’m sitting here at a kitchen dining room table that’s littered with used kleenex- 15 of them, my OCD made me count-, a red face, and a wadded up suicide note. Kidding about the last thing. I have a need to […]
I have been thinking for years that this stupid life should stop.
No purpose, what am i living for?
I m hearing those voices in my head saying “i want to die” over and over again, I was feeling better once i said it to my future ex wife, but now she is gone.
It was not easy to keep it in myself, thinking of it everyday, failing at my feeble tries. My cat wake me up when i was falling asleep with a bag on my head, when having a fight with my wife, that knife i had in my hand, didnt had the edge to open […]
Well, I just learned a person I loved for a long time has taken their own life. We were together for a few years in the mid 90’s. I found out about the drug use, the selling of drugs, the lies and cheating. I ended the relationship. Today I got an email. Yet another year of arrests for selling drugs, more time in jail. That’s where it ended…..by hanging.
I never stopped loving and caring what happened. But I could not deal with all of it. I had Mom to care for as she was lost to dementia. I had my own body to care for […]
Under suffocating stress. But. Life goes on. God is somewhere there.
I don’t want to live life, it bores me… and I have not enough will power to do things. I’m lazy. Do you think I could do something about my life?
by Baenum
written by Baenum
It all started when I was little. I would look up at other kids doing things and I would wonder: why? why are they doing all that? I know, there are existentialist questions and I am kinda existentially depressed. The meds cannot get as far as my body and I do feel better physically, I don’t feel stress as intensely as before and I don’t think about suicide. And yet, I do think that suicide is the only way to end life because that’s the obvious truth. I don’t want to live it, it’s beautiful but boring. I have lived on this earth for nineteen […]
life is still as sucky as ever. i’ve become an automaton, just moving through the motions of everyday life without any joy. my parents still drinking. tonight they’re so drunk they’ve already fought. my mom is so drunk she doesn’t know what she is talking about. my dad was in the room, and i heard her say “what if we had another little baby?” she is 51 years old, smokes, drinks, has cancer, and is in no health to have a baby (besides the fact that she can’t because she’s in menopause). my dad is so drunk he responded with something accusing her of wanting […]
“I’ve grown used to the depression. I’ve grown used to the emptiness. “
I’m tired. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I want to be.
I’ve gotten used to the depression; the anxieties; the empty feeling; the voices. That’s how I ‘live’.
If I do make it out alive, how am I supposed to live? This is the only way I know how to ‘live’.
I am not afraid of death but afraid of life.
So at work yesterday just before I left for my other job, my mom tries to reach me after not speaking for over a year since her mom (my grandmother) passed away. Ultimately she said she had been afraid to tell me sooner, was sorry for her mistakes, and doesn’t believe anymore that I stole anything. Her husband (not my dad btw) passed away suddenly last fall and her last dog has been sick for a year and will be put down today. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for what I’ve been through too. I also braved it and asked the […]
…Every day, and act like things are normal, when you plan on ending your life in a couple weeks.
We’ve had a vacation planned. My parents are paying for most of it, and my kids really deserve it. So I’m holding out until after that.
I’d love to just blow off work, but my family will need the money (and it would be a dead giveaway…no pun intended).
~sigh~
I’m keeping all these feelings locked up inside of me, and they are beginning to eat at my soul, inside I feel like my heart has turned into a black hole sucking every ounce of happiness I can manage to obtain. The smile I wear each day is as fake as each person that says they care for me. I’m looking to obtain eternal happiness, and the only way it seems like I’m going to get it is in death. Because in life you can’t depend on anyone else but yourself, but what happens when even you give up on yourself.?
Everyone depends on me I do everything that I’m told with no questons and I get no appreciation, everyone and everything is leaning on me while I have nothing or no one to lean on… I just wanted to disappear from all of this negativity peacefully… But I don’t think I can muster up the courage to take my own life even though I think about doing it often…. I need a way OUT