I don’t know why I’m still here… but I’m still here.
Pills aren’t working. I still feel the same way as I did the night I did it. I am focusing on me and what I want… which I’m finding isn’t much. Maybe if I wanted more out of life I could find more.
I started cutting myself when I was 11 years old, after my best friend die from cancer. My mom was everything to me, when she left I felt like there was no point in being happy when the person you love is gone now. With my mom I feel like im nothing with out her she was my everything. People ask how im doing all I have to do is put a FAKE SMILE on so that they dontsee right through me. WHAT IS LIFE ABOUT ANYMORE!!
For eight years I had maintained the defenses of my mind. They protected me from the pain of existence; they allowed me function, to act, like a normal human being. And they kept me alive. I was living a lonely life, but I was content.
And then I met you. Something happened. The walls in my mind shook, shifted, and I felt a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. A desire to get to know this person. A desire to want this person in my life.
I was scared. I had spent so long keeping my distance from people. As I got to know you […]
I feel so goddamn helpless and hopeless. anxiety, paranoia, apprehension, guilt, fear and pain are my companionship, they seem to never leave my side.
As far as I can remember, the happiest time in my life was kindergarden, I was carefree and enjoyed life, when grade school started the world around me got colder, and gradually, things got worse and worse….. people, other human beings, are the root of my misery. Instead of being the popular kid in kinder garden, I started grade school and had no friends, other kids often treats me with as insignificant. I was socially isolated and had very few friends. other […]
Hi Guys,
How are you? How’s your life? How is your day? Don’t forget to comment down below how you are! I do want to know!
NOTE: Really sorry for this being a long post… I didn’t really try to… Writing is the only way I can get my feelings out.
How am I? Does it even matter how I am? Does it matter? Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. How am I? Physically? Sore. Bruised. Hurt. Scarred. Mentally? Broken. In Pain. Hurt. Scared.
My physical state… I keep getting headaches… Waking up this morning I hit my head on my wall and it hurt like crazy, but […]
I’m just completely lost. I don’t know if I should end it already. I’ve been put through so much bullshit that I’m completely fed up. I was molested by my dad’s friend which my dad doesn’t know about because I was young and scared that he’d do something to my family cause he claimed he will if I ever told. I still haven’t said anything and it’s been years. I’ve also be bullied by everyone. Even my own family. I’ve always been really into sports and I’m a girl so my parents, sisters, and brother would always call me a boy because of it. Also, […]
I want to die. I really want to die, because I can’t take anymore of this hell. I’m a sophomore in high school, and barely hanging on. Parents hate me, telling me that theyve been trying to tell me they’re doing things for me. How can I believe that when they get pissed off at everything I do that they hate, whether it be major or trivial, and tell me to lie for their benefit? And I get beaten for it, no matter what I do. All I ask is for peace, yet no matter how much I try to get good grades, I can’t. […]
I live a life that’s not really mine. My mother has been emotionally and physically abusing me since I was a young girl. My father left when I was only seven years old, and lives with his fancy girlfriend. He doesn’t care what happens in my life. I acheive high grades, I have friends, and I seem like a normal girl externally. Internally, I am forever suppressing an intense desire to put an end to my life. I only find comfort in dance, music, poetry, and for some strange reason, science. However, I dread every moment I spend at home with my mother. I live […]
How are you???
Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.
Every day is a fresh start.
Each day is a new beginning.
Every morning we wake up is the first day of our new life.
Where there’s life, there’s hope…
I hope everyone is Fine ^_^
All The Best <3
Its been some time since my last post, maybe a week maybe two. Time has been slipping past so fast I barely even notice it. It still is the same grey world but now there is something different about it. I gave myself a fighting chance. After I had posted I felt a small relief on myself my story was out somewhere and none judged it, instead they offered support and wishes for well being. Thats when I decided upon something.
I will make a stand for who I am and what I want. I refuse to beaten and pummeled by something that is not even […]
(Long post. Sorry.)
Only in the last few months have I felt this way, and it seems to be getting more intense (although manageable). I’m in my second marriage to someone that I love, respect and adore, but that is quickly falling apart. She can’t stand me. This morning she told me that she wants a divorce, and she’s serious. I will give it to her for her sake. Left up to me I’d fight her on it, but she really, really just wants out, and I’m 100% the reason why (her words).
My ex wife always said I was controlling and abusive, and I initially thought […]
My name is Tara Paige, and I live in Whitestown, Indiana. I attend Lebanon Senior High School; newly remodeled, multi-million dollar school.
My first year at this school was last year, my junior year. I LOVED it there! So many opportunities, so many nice people, teachers always wanting to help you with anything and everything! But, it didn’t last long. Everything I thought, was proven wrong to me second semester.
First semester was amazing! I made so many new friends, started crushing on a cute boy, had great grades, staying busy and just enjoying time with my new amazing friends.
Second semester came around and my life changed […]
because they all here on sp
being in the phase of ex-stream suicidal or depressed is worthful experience of a human life, very few get chance to experience it.
All sp visitors are fortunate to experience all the pain in the world.
The only thing that keeps me living is knowing that at any moment I can choose plan B. I would go  crazy otherwise. I’ll eventually do it anyway. You can’t fire me. I can quit. Why stay at a job you hate. I think its funny when people say don’t kill yourself. You will go to hell. Don’t you want to go to heaven? Lmfao. I know there is a hell and you don’t have to die to visit it either. It’s not that I want to die. Just wish I didnt have to be around another minute to suffer through it more. I don’t […]
I am not happy. I don’t ever really remember a time  I was ever truly happy.  That’s the first time I have ever admitted that to myself.  I talked to my mother last week she said that her children are what give her a reason to fight when ever she feels down. What if  you don’t have anything to make you fight to stay. That’s were  I am in my life right now.  I never loved or been loved, If i was to leave this earth today it wouldn’t  impact any ones life. I could be happy. So when there is nothing else […]
Life is so full of unpredictable beauty & strange surprises …
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.â€
… Keep fighting with your life & You must move forward…
Keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful  thing & there’s so much to smile about…
I wish everyone has a great day 🙂 All The Best 🙂
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yes I wish I could just give my life to someone who was dying for some one facing death yet  wanted to live that’s how bed I want to die im going to end my life soon as I find a good way to end it im 51 years old and sick of life
Throughout my entire life, I have searched for the answer, the truth to what the purpose of humanity’s existence could be. Being a former Catholic, I believed “god” to be the answer, but the ugly and unpleasant truth is that there WAS no answer from the very beginning. Life never did have a purpose. People tell themselves that there is some cosmic and divine reason for our existence, but that is a false illusion created to hide our fears, and to ease our consciousness, just like how people delude themselves into thinking that they will be reunited with their loved ones in heaven, or […]
Things have changed for the better, I can’t believe that things really do “get better”. That saying has always been bs to me, I never believed that things could just one day be better and the suicidal feelings would fade. Ever since having a mental breakdown and coming so close to suicide, my eyes have opened. It’s barely been a week and things are a whole lot clearer. Things only begin to change when you realize they can. I know most of the time it feels like everything bad possible just happens to us, but most of the time it’s the way we handle the […]
At 12 when I did my first depression, I really wanted to die so badly. Then I found that what I really wanted in life was love. Everything I ever did what for that goal and it’s the only thing that makes me happy. The only thing that could keep me alive, the only thing that would make my life worth living. So yea, I needed to be loved and didn’t try to kill myself, it was some kind of a second chance I thought. Second chance… for what? to feel even more miserable, hurt and dead inside? The only thing that keeps me alive […]
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