Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
Help me if you can
Its just that this
Is not the way I’m wired
So could you please
Help me to understand
Why
You’re giving in to all these
Wreckless dark desires
You’re lying to yourself again.
Suicidal imbecile.
Think about it.
You’re pounding on the fault line.
What’s it gonna take to get it through to you precious.
I’m over this.
Why do you wanna through it all away like this?
Such a mess.
Well I don’t wanna watch you
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at time.
What’s your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die.
I’m running out of options and reasons to live I might have to go see a psychic as believe in them and spirality energy etc and if they don’t tell me anything dramatic or life changing in a good way I think I’m going to have to call it a day and plann it out properly because iv had enough of being depressed this is not Living Fucking Life this is survival so what’s the point I think my best bet is go see a psychic plan and pick my method and self myself a time line
because let’s face it winning the lottery isn’t going […]
Since last night my internet connection died unexpectedly, I had to wait until I could get out of the house and go somewhere with WiFi.
While I was offline, I decided to use the time by writing some more music.
It’s a piece I started last week, during my extra dark bad days. Some things happened that triggered a pretty nasty pit of depression. It was bad and ugly and nasty, and I’m sorry for those of you that got to see that side of me.
Now I’m back to just my usual moderate day-to-day depression.
(Yay, I guess.)
But enough about that… the music!!
It’s a […]
Would you go ahead and kill me already?!
You keep me hanging on the line.
I’m sick and tired of all your filthy little lies.
You are a cancer.
I am your host.
What you love is torturing me the most.
So cut away my skin.
Expose who you really are.
For my body bleeds oil.
The fuel that you feed.
I was never anything.
Just a pension for your greed.
YOU ARE MY CANCER
…..and I am your host
I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.
I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong […]
I’m scared shitless. I don’t think I can survive. I’ll end up in prison because I’m just too poor to pay back the government from money I earn and buy insurance on top of it. For fuck’s sake, I’m more often homeless than I am housed because I don’t make enough to get housing on my own. But I got my W2 from my first job and I made just over the poverty line. I thought the poverty line was higher but nope, it’s been lowered. My other job isn’t taxed and I’m afraid I’ll be fucked, owe the government thousands upon thousands that I […]
Right now, I have a ton of anxiety about having just thrown away money on Amazon. I ordered my make-at-home pain & skin cream ingredients to where I work, and like always the universe has to screw me. Since when does the post office deliver on holidays and Sundays?? So, yeah, I just got a notice that everything I ordered was left at the “front desk/reception” when there really is no front desk. There is a janitor on standby to greet people but that’s it. The bank there closed at 1pm so I don’t know if the building would even be open. So I just fucking lost […]
My boyfriend broke up with me. I finally had the courage to tell him about my struggle with depression, and he broke up with me. There is a line of guys wanting to date me and wait on me hand and foot. How was I lucky enough to fall in love with the one guy who couldn’t love me? I’m devastated.
Cause I’m struggling with that right now. I read your stories on SP, and I think of how much I wish I could take your pain and suffering from you. How you all seem like such nice souls, and how you don’t deserve to suffer like you do.
But someone like me… I can’t help if I don’t deserve to kill myself and suffer whatever might come after. I have so much, and although I live alone and only see my family once or twice I year, they help my financially and I don’t have to worry about that too much.
Despite that however… I wish I […]
Inspired by the post I just read & responded to… Any other November born people here? I’ve always seemed to get along best with people born within a month of my own birthday – 11/30. Libra thru Sagittarius seem to be my peeps.
Anyway, try to make brief update. Mind is mush. 2 days without sleep….
You like Iris by the GooGooDolls, A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope, who like because he’s just so genuine, you like You’re Beautiful by James Blunt because it’s just a classic, and for anybody to not have heard it is a tragedy. You love to sail, but don’t think it’s a sport, same thing with golf except you don’t play golf. You quite pop a while ack, but when you did drink it you liked Mountain Dew the best. You sand that Italian song for choir last year because when it’s translated it means so much to you. You used to watch Supernatural […]
I feel awkard, because I’m drunk. I can’t cope with the love I feel for you. I just can’t. BEcause you’re a good person. The kind of person I’d like to meet. The kind of person I’d like to know. But the kind of person I won’t know. The kind of person I can’t know. And I’m just feeling… I can’t stand it anymore. Loving people that can’t and won’t love me back. Loving people I see so much beautiful things, but who won’t see it too. I just can’t. I know my grammar’s not perfect, sorry dudes, I’m drunk. Tomorrow, I’ll see you and […]
You know what, I really liked you, love. You were smart, funny, shy, passionate- you were everything I was/am looking for. And yet, apparently, I am not good enough for you. Why, you ask? Apparently, my 4.0 slipping to a 3.5 (the lowest GPA I have ever held, btw) isn’t good enough for you, even though I considered blowing my brains out on multiple occasions (And I even had the glock pointed to my head you ass-face), even though I cut my legs to ribbons for years, even though I was crippled under multiple mental illnesses and an incredibly well-developed sense of self-loathing (and two […]
I know the last couple of my posts have been nature based, but I can’t seem to get away from it (figuratively, not literally, cause we all live in Nature, hehe). I am over-flowering (ah geeze, nature puns heh) with a need to branch out (here we go again) and take the thorns (that’s he last one I promise) from your sides. I wish my words could block the negativity plaguing your hearts- but I can’t. Not fully anyway. I hope you all, my lovelies, took my advice from yesterday and made someone’s day a tid-bit brighter. In fact, I took my own advice and […]
What a funny night. An ex of mine is the gayest guy who doesn’t know he’s gay. He dumped me for this girl who has facial hair and a unibrow, married her and they started having kids right away. He talks and acts like you would swear he is gay. His profile picture is a gay pride flag. Oh god, haha, some day he will realize he’s gay. And the dudes who were in line with me and my dream guy that e day I met him are a couple?!? Wow! My dream guy gave them tattoos and the dudes stiffed him for payment. But […]
I see a psychologist once a week, usually on Thursdays. By Wednesday i usually feel like I’m going to implode, the pain is starting to strangle me. But come Thursday as I’m driving to the office, I relax a little. I know in a few minutes I’ll be okay is this overstuffed chair, telling him my distorted truths. I worry I’m dependent on him, he calls it a cathartic release. There is always another way to say something so that I sound less fucked up. I only tell him the truth, I tried once with my husband and he was so scared, he just couldn’t […]
What’s your song line that touches your soul most at the moment?
(please: just SIX lines per person)
I’ll start with Anastacia’s “Everything burns”:
“But she will sing…
‘Till everything burns, while everyone screams,
Burning their lies, burning my dreams,
All of this hate, and all of this pain,
I’ll burn it all down, as my anger rains,
‘Till everything burns…”
caveats, inherent to their nature and purpose, usu come after, being creatures that covet comfort, but fuck strunk and white (writers know who the fuck these O-muthafuckin-Gs are) but CAVETE*** if I were asked, what are you rebelling against, my bone marrow would diffuse the clichéd and ironic answer,….;”what the fuck you got?’ thru evry poor, every vessel; my body w2ould find itself inclined, not a single fiber exempt, interstitial fluid would provide the bass line….society no longer bothers me, and there is something intrinsicly wrong with that…but i digress….***cavete; the longer thiese linesz proliferate out into the void of the dead that walk among […]
Tool has one of the most intelligent lyrics of any band I ever heard. The lyrics that jump out to me the most is “why can’t we not be sober, just want to start this over, why can’t we drink forever”…..then the next line is “why can’t we sleep forever”. – I can totally relate. I wanna drink forever and wish I could sleep forever. It’s a song that can have many different meanings in accordance with people’s personal experiences. It’s deeper than drug or alcohol addiction – for me, I want to just go and sleep forever. Being sober hurts because of my mental […]
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