Ive been trying to type how I feel, but I just cant get my thoughts straight. I have this very often. I know what I want to say. And in my head I hear the exact sentence, I just cant get it of my lips. And its not only when talking about emotions, I also have it when I’m just in the middle of a random conversation. Like my brain kind of just stops and I just cant get the words out. The feeling of having something on the tip of your tongue, only difference is that I know what I want to say but […]
Tag:
Lips
As expected, i knew I would be posting this. As i type-the constant perfectly worded bbm’s come in and the apologizes come gushing out. But they mean nothing, even when i try to smile and feel the emotion, I just can’t. Im more than just hollow, Im more than just the ice queen-im just ice now. I knew this would happen, didn’t I say that yesterday in another round??? The promises were forgotten by the time the top of the staircase was reached, they were probably forgotten as soon as they left the lips. Now Im sitting here again, another disappointing day. So sick of […]
I have never in my life interacted with another human who understands how painful my everyday existence is. Â No one understands. Â I’m terrified to even post on this, for fear of being exposed. Â Superficial empathy can be found anywhere. Â It can be found especially easy upon the lips of the proud. Â I have seen too many people “reach out” as a last hope, only to be ostracized and ridiculed. Â People are harsh. Â This leaves only the option of attempting to survive the evening, yet agin, and hope that the deep sorrow becomes numbing sooner than later.
Certainly, I would think, that there is someone out there […]
I lost the control that I’d maintained for so long…trauma…attempted suicide one day and the next…”saved” by my best friend…the loss of my best friend…I am collapsing into myself as I have destroyed my life and continue to destroy this moment and the next.
I look to people to talk with but all I see are names…all I can tell them is a story of self-pity.
I wish I didn’t tell me best friend I took 60 pills…
I wish I hadn’t told her anything…
I wish I had used a blade…
I wish I had the courage I did a year ago when I brought the handful of pills […]
i feel him crawling inside, crawling inside my mind and body
what is he trying to find, i feel so ugly
screaming inside no words leave my lips
no! no never! my body he grips
it doesn’t count if you don’t say it
im crying now, it hurts
i want to tell him “go eat shit”
but my mouth still speaks no words
he keeps trying to give me something,
but its something i dont want
he says that it dont mean a thing
and makes me taste my ****.
oh Jesus, God where is it now? wheres the blessed light?
im sure that i could maybe,so why dont i put up a fight?
so high, so drunk, so […]
I wish that I didn’t have hands and arms, so I wouldn’t pretend that they were yours when I hold myself for comfort.
I have no need for hands or arms , because I will never be able to hold you in mine.
I wish that I didn’t have feet or legs, so that I wouldn’t long to walk beside you for all of my days.
A path where that is possible doesn’t exist. Instead I shall walk alone forever and grow tired and weary with no use for these limbs of mine without you.
I wish that I didn’t have a spine, so that I wouldn’t […]
a serge to connect rushes through me
a time bomb with no clock showing
chains holding me down
my lips locked together
my heart trying to jump away from me too
my hand just out of reach for a loaded gun
out of reach like everything else in life
leave me with the waste
it’s the wrong time to be so cruel
i’ll just die here slowly
it’s ok though because i can’t eat anything
too weak to struggling anymore
let me die here slowely like i always thought i would
leave me with more of nothing
please
please
please
Â
To: Life Â
Â
i wept gently at the sound of her call
i always favored that wide eyed grin
the time they said is now at hand
time for her rest to finally begin
suffering no more, for her at least
letting go all the pain and heartache
i’ll stay with her til the very last moment
for her heart was the claim i did stake
let go i say…please just let her go
theres nothing i can do to change
over and over til i see every color
the memories drowning the pain
can i go on?…do i even dare try
when half of one is […]
left alone again. why am i not use to this yet?! i mean, i should be by now. i dodn’t even know this person too well. what was so wrong with it? why did he thing it was so worng? to actually talk to someone. i have a bofriend. he has a girlfriend. i can sorta understand, and i respect his choice of not wanting to talk to me anymore. it just dosn’t make sence to me though. every single time i get to actually talk to somebody and feel comfortable about it. my life changes. it makes me happy to be able to do […]
right now i’m seventeen, theres been so many changes and events in my life leading to my current state tht i doubt i’ll write all of them here, or remember them all, still, there are some main reasons i have never been able to overcome.
i remember when i was about seven years old and i met this girl who was also seven, she was beautiful even then, i loved her from the moment i saw her, as stupid as that might sound considering i was just a seven yearold, still she lived very far away, so i wouldnt usually get to see her, and still i […]
No one is going to read this. I don’t know why I came back here to this website. I figured I never would after I found it the first time, but here I go again… This is exactly like when I found out I was pregnant, to a T; I was going to end my life, but then, an opportunity presented itself. I saw what might be a reason to live. Judging by before, assuming that the past paints a pretty good portrait of the future, I’ll be worse off than before. If I had gone through with everything before, I wouldn’t be hurting this way […]
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