I just shouldn’t talk anymore. Whenever I say something, it’s always wrong. People laugh at me because of it and when I ask for them to stop they only laugh harder. I say things like ‘ I feel so stupid’ or ‘I’m such an idiot’ and people just smile and nod. I’m always yelled at for things I say or do. I feel like I need to do something like cut but I’m too scared to. I think they’ll find out and hurt me or send me to a therapist. I’m just so confused. I’m so alone. I’m just not okay anymore. I used to […]
Hi suicide project people.
I haven’t written in awhile. I have since my last post, given in to taking medication, and got a new therapist. I am spending a lot of money on therapy and psych appointments and medication. I am still depressed. Still lonely. And the only person that makes me feel better (a little) is not really interested in getting to know me. I am disorderly attached to someone at work, basically.
I have already expressed to this person that I’d like to get to know them outside of work and they sort of skirted around giving me an answer. They are nice tome  at work, but then when I leave work I dwell on whether or […]
You know what’s funny? I’m sitting with a group of people, and none of them have any idea that I’m on a suicide website. My counselor says that I need to find someone that I can trust, but there isn’t anyone you can trust with suicidal thoughts. It puts them in a bad position. They either do nothing and then have to blame themselves when you go through with it or they report you to someone. It’s like, I just want to tell someone without them feeling responsible for me. What they don’t get is that my suicide is not a bad thing. For everyone, […]
I’ve been depressed for 3 and a half years  , I’m bi-polar and,  i’m on a lot of medication.
I have friends , but i never see them anymore , and i feel so alone all the time. I don’t have what i used to have , and i thought things would get better by now. I have nobody to call when i’m upset , nobody to see everyday in school and talk to , nobody to talk to in the hallway with , or go to class with , and nobody to spend what’s left of my free time. I just want everything to go back to normal. or […]
death is the best way out and the only way. I want to die so much, you dont understand because no one does. Ive told people but they think its a joke. I see it in their face, that smile, that smirk. Its just a joke……
But im afraid to kill, to kill myself. I cant do it and i try. I think about the multiple ways and i cry because I can’t do it.
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
tomorrow will mark one week since my 2nd suicide attempt. it’s weird to walk around knowing that no one else knew anything about it or suspected it. to them i’m some bubbly and happy person-it’s weird and leaves me with this eery feeling of loneliness
I
this all actually started a long time ago , in my first grade they were lots of kids who hated me for no reason they called me names they were spitting on me and once almost hit me but i ran away.
it was like that for a long time and since the 6TH grade i started cutting they stopped bulling but i started cutting i was in a depression  i felt lonely like nobody loves me.
everynight i cry myself to sleep
now im in 8TH grade i […]
This week has been hell. My mental state is near breakdown. He fucked with my head this week. Too long to discuss here and I would bore you all, but he genuinely fucked with my mind this week. Possibly the worst breakup story in history and my already fragile mind and soul was NOT ready to accept this. Getting over him will be hell, my heart is 500 times stronger than my mind right now and I just want to rip it out.
But what scares me the most, and this is probably going to sound stupid, is being single.
I haven’t been single for […]
To be honest I don’t know why I’m here… I just want a place to write down what I feel, without someone judging me or calling me an attention seeker, I’m not looking for someone to pity me or anything like that. I just want to express my self.
Every week of every day and every minute and every second I feel like I should die! I have never experienced true love or true friendship, but what I know is that I feel so lonely and sad that I cry every night! I don’t know why I haven’t killed myself already to be honest… Every day I think up […]
Wow.
I’m reading some of my posts from last year. I can’t believe how much things have changed.
I’ve become more independent and I think I like it… maybe it’s just that I’ve gotten quieter.
I don’t feel as lonely anymore.
And I think I found a new hobby: writing. But I haven’t done it in awhile…
I’m not quite sure where my future will take me, but all I can say is that I hope it’s full of new adventures and meeting new people.
I do know that I want to change things for anyone who are depressed, suicidal, for people who have developed eating disorders or those who self-harm.
Psychology […]
On TV or in books the protagonist is always described as “ordinary girl”, someone that just looks like no one special but turns out to be very special to just the right boy… People always want to stand out, be that little bit extra pretty, extra smart and just special. I just realised from the very beginning that I had no shot at being special in a good, charming way and extra pretty never kicked in either. I lost the “cute” when I turned about 12 and it just never came back. Instead I just grew tall, and big and insecure. I faked confidence well […]
I still have nothing.
I have everything that I could ever want, but it means absolutely nothing. No matter how good things get, I still feel empty. I don’t think anyone could ever fill me up all the way; I don’t think it’s possible. I still try to fix myself. We bought an expensive ring, put it on my finger, and I was happy for a month. I tell myself that I’m happy over and over and over again, but it doesn’t change a thing. What if I changed everything? I could call off the wedding, start over again, and… and what? I don’t think I’d […]
I ve tried hard to forget the fact that i am alone,i keep myself busy during the day with activities like reading,sleeping and browsing the net..but all this shit dont change nothing.cus the moment i step past that big iron gate to get to class,i begin to realise just how ugly and lonely my life is..my elder brother’s wife once told every one that i am a parasite.so i ve stopped asking anybody for financial help.i slowly fell from miserable into something worst.i am in college right now.and seeing my course mates happy,living the good life,going out for dates,using nice cars and phones.always reminds me […]
I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up in the morning crying. When I actually make it into work I fight back the tears until I can no longer take it, at which point I go cry in the bathroom. I’m in college and when I’m at school I managed to keep it together as far as not crying but I don’t hear anything the teacher’s saying. My mind is a clouded mess. I can’t focus on anything school related. All I can focus on is holding the tears back or all the thoughts that are constantly bombarding my mind. […]
Every damn year I have to endure this. It will be my 27th Valentine’s Day alone in 2 days… I don’t even know why I let myself get to this point when there is obviously zero hope and I never had any chance. I should have been preemptive and thrown myself off a bridge 5 years ago and then I would have saved myself from about 1825 days of emptiness and agony. I have been alone every single miserable day of my life. Telling myself that this is just another hallmark holiday doesn’t really work anymore, every year it is a brutal reminder of all my […]
I was in a large city on a sunny day. It was warm, but there was a cool breeze. I was walking through the park with someone I loved and saw a flower. It was beautiful and I said, “Wait here.” I went to pick it for her and as I pulled up the flower the ground beneath me shattered like glass. I fell into a pit. The pit was obsidian lined with black diamond. It was round and polished so that I could see the surface in the reflections on the walls. I saw the people I cared about shake their heads and walk […]
Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what’s wrong, and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the […]
I’m scarred.
I have wounds on my body that won’t heal.
I’m tainted.
I have thoughts raging in my mind that won’t be silenced.
I’m desperate,
to find the place in which I know I belong.
I’m lonely.
Living in a house with no one to come home to.
I’m terrified,
that my life has meaning that I won’t discover.
I’m “different”.
I don’t share your thoughts, your opinions, or your ideas.
I’m tempted,
to end it all and move on to another world.
I’m tormented,
by the thoughts and the screams that I hide with a smile.
I’m healing.
Because these scars are only skin deep.
I’m learning,
to love myself and allow others to love […]
My best friend stayed with me for 20 days, We were high the entire time laughing and listening to the radio, and watching cartoons, when he left it smashed my heart in half I was just coming down and the whole thing felt like I time warped through it all. My plan was to kill myself after my friend left, I made the most of the time but now the moment is on me, it warped so fast I cant believe it. Even seeing the names of any shows I watched with him makes my heart clench up, He doesnt expect it, I didnt realize […]