For anyone who read my earlier post about not getting into college, I got accepted because it was a mistake at their end. I thought my life had new meaning and purpose…… Oh how wrong I was. I haven’t felt this depressed and suicidal for months. I am so paranoid around all the other students. I don’t fit in. I probably could if I really tried but I’m a wimp. I’ve simply had enough. I’ve tried so many things to turn my life around and they all end up the same. I was extremely close to stepping in front of a car today but I […]
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Long Time
Woah, hey guys, long time no see. What the fuck is going on champs.
So, this week is finals for the first semester. And god damn it it’s so annoying. I don’t mean just because of finals. I mean because of the people I have to deal with.
Of course I still like that girl in my drama class. I still don’t know what to do about her, and the semester is over and she’s in grade 12, so I’m more or less fucked in that situation. Believe me, I want to ask her out, but I have 24 hours to do it and no confidence. So […]
I HATE THIS. I feel so many things, and at the same time I feel nothing. I spend part of my day believing that everything will turn out alright, and I spend the other part wondering how I can even fathom waking up tomorrow. I’ve managed to turn my life upside down (feel free to have a look at previous posts for something of an explanation, if you really care). I’ve hurt one of the people I love and need most. Not that she knows how much I need her in my life. She said I keep too much to myself, that I’m too secretive. […]
Wow, its been a long 35 years. This story started along time before I was born. Lets start with a US Marine who had one too many tours in vietnam, my mothers stepfather( my spelling is really bad sorry) Not sure if it ws the war or just an inate evil, the man that is still alive, did horrible things to my mother and my aunt. My mother and father were married in in the early 70s thing were great for both of them until 1980, my dad recked his truck on the way homefrom work, broke his neck, never walked again, full quad, they […]
So, my problem may seem stupid to everyone, but its something that has been bothering me for a long time. My best friend… I guess former best friend and I have always fought since about a year after I met him (which was 4 years ago). We had a ton in common back then, and have changed since then and are pretty different now. However, we have always remained great friends minus the fighting all the time. Which, I may say, a lot of the fighting has been my fault as much as his. But, a few weeks ago, it got really bad. He started […]
work and play have lost all meaning. The barriers between personal and professional life have shattered. It’s all the same crap now, junk that’s in between me and non-existence. I work and play but don’t put my heart into anymore; nothing feels good. I am Anhedonia.
I can’t live like this, my life is not so bad that I have any “good” reason to kill myself but it’s not good in any way either. It’s been good but I don’t enjoy things.
I can go home after working and sedate myself and do it all over again but why??! FUCK! Friends don’t mean much to me […]
I was sexually molested(hurt) the first time at 4 years old. This continued until the age of 15, when at last my mother died. MY life has been screwed up since I was a little child. Could’nt make it in school. Joined the Army, got a bad discharge. Started robbing people to survive, went to jail. Got married, had two children. I was sent overseas, when I returned home, my wife and daughters were gone, she had run away with our neighbor. I had been using drugs for a long time, I increased use dramatically. Went to rehab, found out I had bipol disorder. tried […]
I feel like I make the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t learn. I hurt those who are closest to me, then I push them away to protect myself. It is a constant ongoing cycle. More than anything in the world I want to feel close to someone. I want someone to know what a broken mess I am, and still accept me. It’s just not in the cards for me. Three years nearly to the day since I’ve felt like this. I wish I could cry, but I’ve spent a long time coaching myself not to and now that I’d like to […]
December 17th, 2011 at 2:31 am
im not sure what to say other than i know all your going thru seems like alot right now but life will get better for you it will just take time. I offer this to you becouse i dont want you to kill yourself, wich puzzles me becouse i am thinking of killing myself also and if i am going to end it why care if some totally random person on some blog does the same thing? I think its becouse my life has alot of simularities to yours except it was a long time ago that i […]
7pm on Jan 2, 2012.
I’m alone, in my room – lights off. Just me, and the music I’m listening to. This is the first time I’ve felt.. alone in a long time. I thought I had gotten use to the feeling. But no, apparently not. My Grandpa is in his room – right across the hall.. yet it feels like miles between us. I’m scared. Of my mind; the thoughts swirling around in the chaos.
To be honest, my life isn’t horrid.
I’ve thought about killing myself multiple times. I cut – but nothing serious. I don’t know if I want to die.. or just […]
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]
Forgive yourself & other humans,..because this *earthly* life is not perfect…and we’re all only humans…we made mistakes.
and besides, we all live only ONCE in this earthly life, so that’s why many people made mistakes in their life, because you can’t simply turn back time and repeat life..
So forgive yourself (& others), free yourself from all the restricting guilts,
keep learning,
and keep doing the Best & worthwhile while you’re still given a chance to exist and alive here in this physical world…
after all those
years, decades
of mental hell
she was found
an empty bottle of pills
nearby
carried by medics to a bed, a respirator
her brain dead
leaving here,
returning home
her war over
darkness fell, far
above, as peace rests
on one more star
I couldn’t sleep so i took sleeping pills. They didn’t really sleep it was more like being paralyzed. I could feel hear but couldn’t stop him from having sex with me like that. I confronted him and he denied it. We fought and he said it would never happen again. I had no where to go. I was trapped. He went where I went. My first break  at help was a cop who said a husband can’t rape his wife. 5 yrs later some one stepped in. I had a child with him.
They lied said i was a druggie whore and other stuff and my lawyer […]
I think I’m waiting to die…I wake up and all i think about is the end of the day.  THE only time I’m happy is when i sleep.  When i think about killing myself…i don’t think about is a WRONG…i think of it a solution.  A solution to the problem of my pathetic life.  Everyone in my life thinks I’m just PERFECT…but I’m not so far…I feel like I’m a BRAND NEW CAR…running on cheap water-downed gas.  So I’m waiting…WAITING for GOD to take me away from here.  I wouldn’t mind if it was painful…SOMETIMES i think i cant feel any EMOTIONS…i feel cold and dark inside…I don’t think i could […]
Hi. I stumbled across this site last night while not being able to sleep. I don’t know why I’m here, but I wanted to sign up regardless.
I’m a 19 y/o female living in a house with my mum and my brother, who is 16, in Australia. I have things that so many other people in the world do not. We have our own house, have food in the cupboards and a bedroom each. We love and support each other in our own dysfunctional ways. I see my dad regularly and have a good relationship with him.
I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was […]
Yeh pretty much the whole world has fucked up since you left.
My own mother hates me[find me].
I am black silk cigarette smoke. tarnished sticky suicide addict. I refuse to move. I cant breath. I cant understand these people. and lets face it why would I. I havent washed in ten days. My hair is greasy. I’m unemployed. I cut it off some weeks ago, so its not like, getting in my tired face or anything. I sleep all day. Â [pretend to be dead girl cause the woman inside is dying to leave]. In New York the temperature is three degrees below zero. Maybe i tried […]
Hello,
Im a 23 year old male from the UK.
My life is pointless and I have never been happy.
I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.
I have a very poor education and I have no job.
I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.
I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and […]
I recently cut myself after not cutting for at least 6 months. The trigger was so stupid, but it made me feel like the only way I could stop feeling like I was aquaplaning was to cut and I hadn’t felt like that for a long time. I took care of everything all ok, I mean I put antiseptic cream on it and then got it checked out by the school nurse when I thought it might be infected (it wasn’t). Eventually I told my mum after days of hiding it and it wasn’t a problem really, it just made her sad that I’d been […]
It has been a miserable 40 years, I do not want to sound like I am whining, but it really has.
There has been the normal bad things in my life like everyone else death, teenage angst, job, fighting, family and friends etc that emphasizes the feelings of wanting to die, but even when happy, the thoughts of suicide are still there.
All my life I have tried everything to hold onto that little voice telling me that everything would get better. It has not.
Good days or bad I still have feelings of ending it all. I have read that everyone has feelings of suicide at […]