i have been doing good in the last three weeks.Now i really dont know what to do.My voices have suddenly come back with a vengance.They were really quiet and i was fine.Hearing them a little is normal.But lately there pretty loud and constant.I wont call anyone theyll just bring the cops.I dont hate cops unless i have too deal with them so i try to stay away.My insanity is increasing day by day. I will possibly end up in the hospital for an attempt.I dont know what else to do two of my therapist are sick one i dont see my main therapist till monday.And […]
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Lunch
I had a revelation today.
Wait, can you only call it a revelation if it has to do with religion, because I think after my last incident with a priest I won’t be having any revelations anytime soon. Oh well, point is I had a “light bulb” moment, and not really a bright one.
Pun not intended.
Let me take you back to my formative elementary school years: Here’s Violet Blake. She likes to wear foofy dresses with flowers on them and ribbons in her hair. Violet thought she was going to have so many friends, turns out, she was wrong. WAY WRONG. Instead of having a happy […]
Alright so I don’t really know how to do this, but whatever.I’m just going to share my story. Last year I got into alcohol and drugs. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, and huffing. I don’t know how to explain it. I just wasn’t me. Hanging out with the wrong people. One day at midnight, well, September 7th. It was officially the first day of school and I was dreading it. So, me and my friend took 8 triple c’s or cold cough pills. I knew nothing about it other than it would make me feel good. And I’ve always had problems with depression […]
I hate it when every time i feel like i’m getting somewhere with maintaining and re-establishing my 8 year friendship with my best friend she finds a new way to dimish all hope of us still being friends when we leave school and i don’t have alot of time because year 11 finishes in 10-11 weeks and my friend will stop going to school to go to tafe and it’s frustrating because it feels as though i’m the only one fighting for our relationship, because i’m the one to ask her do you want to see a movie? go shopping? or have a sleepover? and every single time […]
I know I’m new here, but I just want all of you to know that I’m always here to listen to anyone, just email me. Even if you don’t think it’s important and you think no one would care, it will be important to me. Heck it can just to say you ate something for lunch or something to distract you. I want to do anything I can to make you feel better. If you just want someone to yell at / get your story / day / whatever out (part of the reason I joined the site), just put at the top that you […]
I’m really confused right now, I told my closest friend today for the time that i cut, and she didn’t even seem to care. She just kinda blew it off, like I had just told her what I ate for lunch or something. What if my parents told her I had killed myself? Would she have cared then? I just am very confused on the whole situation…/: someone please help.
k I crushed pills… put them in a sandwich.. ick! threw it away and had to chug soda after the first bite. so I crushed even more and mixed it in with yogurt and it didn’t taste that bad so i took like one bite then went to get a drink and when I did my grandfather said we could go out for lunch. If he hadn’t, i would’ve finished the yogurt… oh well. I’m not worth them knowing my misery. they don’t care anyways… no one cares but my mom… What would she think? and my puppy in Florida too… I miss my Bella… […]
my friend knows about this site and read all my posts..hes trying to help tho..which im thankful for…hes a good friend and i take him for granted and i shouldnt do that…. ugh.. my family is a pain..the other day at lunch my sister was like “i think she’s bulimic and anorexic, she never eats” the thing is i actually am… ugh i wanted to cry… fucking life sucks…
i need help.. i know i do.. i hate admitting it tho… i had another nightmare lastnight… about me being locked in a white room, nothing else in it but me.. i went insane… i hated it… […]
I knew it wouldn’t last. All that happiness has vanished from yesterday.
I had a terrible day today. At lunch I sat alone. All my classes were spent ignoring everyone. And when I come home, my dad just starts yelling at me because he’s not appreciated.
Well guess what, neither am I. I just took 5000 mg of advil and I plan on taking more later. Maybe then they’ll realize they should’ve appreciated me.
So I had standardized testing on computers today, and my teacher gave an instruction he was unclear about, and I did the wrong thing, and he fucking screamed at me right in front of everyone. I made it to my quiet corner of the band room before I started crying (it was lunch after the tests). So I spent half an hour sitting behind the brass kettle drums, trying not to cry and slicing at my wrist with scissors, because I didn’t want to bleed everywhere.
When people yell at me, especially with an audience, it reminds me of my dad, who has abused my mom […]
There is a universal truth that we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends.
As much as I’ve looked forward to this day in my life, I’ve always hated endings.
The last day of summer, the final chapter of a really good book, or parting ways with a really good friend.
But endings are inevitable, they are a part of life that we will never be able to shake. Leaves begin to fall, you close your book, and you say goodbye.
Today, for us, is an ending. It’s the last day of high school, the last chapter in a part of our story […]
~as always no grammar. deal with it.~
Yesterday
i told the two people who i still consider my friends that we were not going to school that afternoon, we were skipping. as usual. we left at lunch and went to the supermarket near our highschool and i bought them some lunch.
i dont eat anymore- i am more skinny than the supermodels our society for some reason looks up to. i dont grow anymore either. i am fifteen but i am about as tall as an eleven or twelve year old. yesterday i ate no breakfast or lunch, and a few mouth-fulls of pasta. this wouldn’t hurt me […]
I hate being alone. My so called best friend from school isn’t talking to me anymore. She walked past me with just giving me a smile. Usually she would say something and give me a hug. I know I’m not her bestfriend anymore now that she replaced me. It hurts to always worry if I’m going to have someone to eat with at lunch or even if I’m going to have a partner while doing partner work in class. I hate to be alone. I have my bestfriend that lives in Cali. I wish she could be here to keep me happy. Honestly, if […]
my name is matt, I live in new jersey. i started off with depression when i was 3. at that time my father began beating me i would estimate once a week, as well as my father having somewhat severe fights with my mother which often hurt me because she would be emotionally unavailable and I obviously was very distant from my father which made me feel alone. this feeling of being alone has always embodied me. i now am 19. i started off in middle school acting out and made a lot of “friends” but got myself in a lot of trouble just because […]
You think you’re the loneliest person out there?
Think again,
High school has been the loneliest, hardest time.
I’m not going to go into detail but I’ve always been fairly lonely due to my social issues (self diagnosed, selective mutism)or whatever you want to call it. (I heard my mom talk to someone saying how I was assessed for the possibility of selective mutism, but it came out as negative apparently…
It had to have definitely been overlooked, as I usually didn’t talk unless spoken to, mostly in school and in unfamiliar territory.
People had to come up to me first, initiating friendship. I really don’t know what is the […]
thats my story, except i never turned into anything beautiful. Just like the ugly Duckling, i was born ugly, people made fun of me about it since 5th grade until now (senior) and there’s just nothing good going for me. Im honestly one of those people who are ashamed of walking down the hallway because the way i look. im one of those people who walk with my head down on my way to classes. Im just soo tired of looking like this. i know i talk about it all the time, but i believe if i was confident about my looks for once in […]
I have to write other wise I will take it out on myself.
I missed a interview this morning because i couldn’t wake up, I had to wake up at 4:30am to get to a 9am interview.
I think I shouldn’t try for his job because it’s so far and it’s on 8.00/hr for 10-15 a week, that’s just bus money and lunch.
Better than nothing though. It’s a 2-3 hr bus ride just to get there.
I just feel like a lazy bum cause I couldn’t get it over with.
I don’t even want to go but if i don’t I’ll feel like a dumb ass.
I’m not going to […]
I just wake up, get high, go to work, get high, eat lunch, get high, go back to work, finished, get high. Get high, chill more, get high more. Go to bed.
~Repeat~
IEveryone got a rose at lunch today… guess who didn’t -_- . FML!
I’m 15 years old. My parents are divorced and have been since i was 2. My dad cheated on my mom with my now step mom. My mom remarried when i was 14. Ever since i was about 5 and started gymnastics, my step mom didn’t like me. She never actually told me that, but she hit me over and over so i could tell. She’s hit me with her fist, a book, a chair, and a belt.She has even threatened to stab me with a knife.
My stepdad sexually abused me multiple times around age 8. The nights i stayed at my moms house and was […]