I wonder if I’m doing what’s best for me, or whether this decision will cause me more pain. I sit and think if there will ever be a day when I let go of this fear thats weighing me down. I wish for the day when I can love myself truly and be happy with who I am and where I’m at. For the day that I let myself fall hopelessly in love and get married and have kids, for the day when I’m not too afraid to let myself be happy. I wish and I hope for that day when for once my happiness […]
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married
Suicide.
A word whispered in our home on and off over the past 30 years. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and almost succeeded. I went on to ‘be normal’ with threats of ECT and other drugs. So I tried to act as ‘normal’ as one possibly could with the childhood I had. I watched my mother be beaten to a bloody pulp, moved so many times I lost count, was molested and have never felt like I ‘belonged’. Eventually I started going to church which helped a lot and the panic attacks subsided and I went on to earn a […]
My family doesn’t know that I’m gay. In fact, they think I’m straight. Sometimes it seems like they try to push sexuality on me. It’s weird. They say that I should get a girlfriend, get married, have kids, and all that shit. I tell my parents that I don’t want to get married or have children and they don’t believe me. They think that just one day, I’ll meet the right girl.
To be honest I’ve never been kissed, held hands with, or hugged someone romantically. In fact, I try to avoid touching people. Relationships seem so foreign to me. I see a lot of people […]
My life is on a steady decline.
I’ve had depression and anxiety all of my life, along with being fairly intelligent with an above-average aptitude for lateral thinking. I could always enthrall myself with studying random areas of science or mathematics for the sheer pleasure of learning, and I followed through with most everything that I was trying to learn. I had motivation and optimism for my future as I progressed through high school as a relatively happy (sort of) and healthy teenager.
Then came the turn. My girlfriend and I went to separate colleges. The long-distance relationship couldn’t last, and she ended it. I ended up […]
It’s too hard to watch everyone but me get married, travel, do great things. I’m just sitting here, wasting away, working on a business that’s failing hard in it’s first week, and I have no money. Yes, I’ve applied to actual jobs and have been in the long process of a government position. Nothing’s really happening for me. It’s far too depressing. I’ve tried very hard for things to happen. Honestly, I’ve held a few campaigns from DoSomething.org, I’ve started my new business a week ago, hired so many new sales consultants to generate business (so far, nothing despite their 10+ years sales experience), and I […]
The love of my life left me six weeks ago. We have been together 7 years, have been best friends for 12 years, and we have 2 daughters. She is my world, my everything. I’ve invested my entire heart and soul into her. I gave up every dream I had to be with her. She was that much to me. When we got together, our love transcended time. Romeo and Juliet was a farce in comparison to us. Our souls were connected, we loved beyond measure. At least that was what I believed. You see, I have always been depressed. I’ve lived with depression and […]
Just another day of fighting with my fiancee. God, I CAN’T wait to find employment and move out of here. I have to. It’s so miserable knowing that I’m a 25 year old who will never be married as long as I’m with him. He’s verbally and physically abusive, and never sorry about it. He controls everything and takes so much from me. When his plans fall through, it’s my fault, or anyone else’s but his. He literally believes that he is God, and should actually be locked up in a psych ward. The amount of times that I should have called the cops on […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
I’m really tired of this emotional pain. I feel worthless and useless. Nothing I’ve asked for has ever been complete. I feel alone and abandoned. I’m old, married and have 1 son but can’t shake these feeling of self hatred, I’d rather just die, disappear, cease to exist. I fucking hate it
The only person that ever cared about me is gone. The person I was going to run away with abd love forever is dead. He loved me for me I didn’t have to be who anyone else wanted to be I was good enough for him. I can go on in life without him. I spend days thinking about our memories and I have fantasies about you riding up the street on your black motorcycle saying †wherever you want to go I’ll take you†I miss you just holding me while we talk about anything and everything the different countries we were going to […]
My family is …
Yesterday I heard my parents discussing, they were in their room and the door was closed (they talk so loud I can hear miles away), my father confessed he was cheating my mother.She is so stupid and people tell her harsh words everytime and she never does anything about it, she’s 45, how long will she bear everything in silence?.I don’t even know why they’re still married, but I’m sure they’re not in love anymore, plus my father is always getting into trouble and hurting other people’s feelings.He has been had struggles with alcohol and smoking since they married more than […]
Well, up until summer of ’11, everything was going alright. Yes, I was still your average 6th grader. Bullied and all. But, my parents were also dealing with divorce. Their fighting kept me up at night. Which, eventually started my cutting habits. After their papers were signed and our house was sold, everything got worse. My dad ended up being obsessed with my mom. She bought a house and he would drive past it everyday. He’d go to her work and sit in the parking lot. Â He would text and call her non-stop. Well, my mom got a boyfriend which caused my dad to eventually […]
I’ve been married for eight years. Before that I was married to someone else for five. So I haven’t been by myself for a very long time. I have two children, a boy and a girl. They are the reason I haven’t done it yet.
I understand now why I am always sad, and why I fall in love with men who can’t love me back. My parents could never love me and there is a hole in my heart where there ought to be confidence. I was raised to be a good christian girl and always serve others. I was never supposed to want […]
Tonight was interesting. I found out my mom had been married before, in college. And that my father was a complete pot head. And so was every other man my mom had dated before. And that my uncle was a very popular weed dealer in southern Arkansas. My cousin doesn’t know, but my uncle had been married before to a total ***** and he doesn’t want Natalie to know. I really don’t like secrets much less keeping them. I wish my mom hadn’t told me that because I will probably end up fucking shit up again. Sad night. Its actually pretty funny I wasn’t invited […]
I just found out that my ex got married.I’d be lying If I said I’m over her.I’m happy for her tho.I wish her and her husband the best.I just wish I could talk to him to tell him to not fight back cause that Is a fight you will never win haha.their married now,ofcourse he know’s not to haha.I’m just depressed on how things turned out.I should be the one getting married!!haha.I’m the nicest bf she has ever had!!Every other bf she’s had Is bad!!Like her husband has a tattoo on his face.If your gonna get a tattoo on your face then get tear drops […]
Looking around at friend’s and family I see a cycle, one I don’t want it makes me depressed. Everyone grows up and lives in cookie cutter homes has kids and slaps on a smile. I don’t want that, I don’t want to get sucked into society’s vortex. I want to be a nurse and work all the time. I feel like since i’m girl my family has the same expectations, grow up, get married, kids. I just want my cat and me, and to help people. I don’t want anyone’s expectations. I feel like i’m a burden to my boyfriend, a disappointment to my family. […]
I just spent 10 days in the hospital on suicide watch. The only person to see me was my wife and kids. My one friend and that’s it. I laid in bed so alone and upset. Where did I go so wrong in my life. Have a kick ass career and 2 beautiful girls. It all started when I was a kid. My grandmother use to put me in a closet so she could tell my dad I wasn’t there when he came to pick me up. I grew up always wanting my dad and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there. Than my mom married […]
Alone don’t describe how I feel. Even be married and have kids. Alone inside me is always there. Tears and pain the world don’t see. My hand full of pills for my body to seek. Tired and dizzy May this be the last. Sunshine on a darkest soul. Barely able to get out of bed. My thoughts are my worst enemy. The smile on my face is to hide my troubles. Walk around with no emotions left. Everyday is a brand new breath.
i am over 50 years old and depressed i am out of work broke sleeping on a pile of sponges in my mothers covered driveway i’ve never married have no kids, i have no money and i really just can’t continue living like this. most things i read online suggest getting medical attention immediately, however having zero funds makes this an impossibility. is it reasonable the solution to my situation be to end my life?
Would you come to my funeral? What thoughts would go through your head as you gazed at my cold, pale body? Would you feel bad about everything that you did? Would you miss me, years later when you’re married and have a family of your own, would you even remember my name? Would you cry for me? Do you miss me at all? Is there ever a piece of you that wishes you hadn’t made the decision to cut me out, freeze me out of your life? Will my name ever drift into your mind, years from now? Will you even know why?