So I feel I have hours maybe even just minutes left to live in my life. I am to the point where days are not even possible anymore. I have given up. My body is done and my mind is done. I can’t live through any of this anymore. I have everything in place and all I have to do is do my first step and then the last step that would finish me off for good. At this point I feel the only thing or person that could stop me is that one girl. Who I thought I could trust and tell everything to, […]
Tag:
maybe
An Overall Feeling Of Untapped Anger Ludicrous Expression Of My Burning Nauseous Stomach And Dissociation That Pierces My Soul And The Lust Of The Universe A Sedated Feeling Of Sorrow Contempt And Hatred Low Octave Starvation And Slow Sweet Whispers Of Foreboding.
I’ve lost it. I’ve gone completely insane. I had stuff here, now it’s gone. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it never happened. I have a hard time thinking. It’s impossible not to sound like a whiny, punk ***** when I try to explain my situation. I come off as pretentious, hypocritical and mean-spirited. Maybe I am. Sorry for the spam, but I just […]
nope,never,maybe? I’m pretty sure not. I’m going to hell, What a nightmare existence has turned out to be.
I’ve never cut myself, never.
Though I’ve felt the urge to. Many times. I’ve almost gone through with it but I don’t know why I never can. It makes me feel sick but curious at the same time. Scared that maybe it would trigger more numbness or anger.
I don’t think I will, but, those who do, or have felt some kind of relief from it… what does it feel like really…?
Feeling sleepy,
PURPLEPAIN
Ever wonder if it’s so hard to get rid of depression because maybe that’s just who you are?
I know I have constant inner dialogue with my depressed self trying to be rational and prevent the reactive sabotage I know is inevitably coming.
If I have been this way my entire life why it would reasonable to think I am going to wake up one day and feel different.
It’s not for lack of trying. I have tried meds, counseling, exercise, support groups, going out alone to network, traveling alone since I could wait forever for a travel buddy to turn up. I really put myself out there.
I […]
Simple events cause downward spirals of pain and hopelessness. 45 years old and nothing to show…a complete loser and let down to everyone that knows me. It’s too late. People who say its never too late don’t know the pain, the challenges, the guilt, the shame. Maybe its not too late, but it feels like it.
It’s the worst feeling in the world being blamed by your own mother for her stress. It hurts what doesn’t she think i have things going on to. That maybe i hide it so i don’t cause her more pain than i already have. Does she not think that maybe i just want a hug and to know that i can talk to her not just the blame every time i do something slightly wrong in her opinion.
Sitting in the hospital waiting to see my therapist and I just want to break down and cry. Holy shit. Then tomorrow I get to see the psychiatrist. Maybe they’ll actually give me a pill that works.
Doubt it.
I cannot choose anything in my life. Underground Man was right. No desire in me goes deeper than my desire for truth. i was wrong when i said i will choose freedom over truth if such a choice comes. i was recently given this choice. i stuck to truth. truth is unbiased. each decision in life is biased. you need a reason to do anything, and that reason has a beginning somewhere. no reason is “holy”. something has to begin somewhere. so how can i choose anything? on what basis i will make that choice? what is worthy enough to be given preference?
And what’s worse […]
Flop Your Jowl’s Open And Stuff The Dirty Mendacity Down Your Throat
by Wednesday
written by Wednesday
Open them pig jowl’s up for me so I can force feed you the dirtiest and the foulest of truth.
The sickness begins in dreams. They nail you into place and lie and say “You can be anything you want to” and I hate you and I hate myself for believing it.
Truth is, dreams don’t come true and the only time you get your name in the paper is when you die! Obituaries, Gossip Column’s and the Entertainment page is all the same and to see it you just half to read between the […]
Hey guys. My “story” isn’t nearly as traumatizing as any of yours, and I almost feel as though I’m wasting your time, so I apologize.
I was a fairly normal kid, or whatever normal is supposed to be. I had a best friend, someone who loved me, tons of persons to talk to (yes, that is the grammatically correct way to address them). Or at least I thought I did.
See, I’ve always had moments of sadness. Just “off” days. I would wake to see rain and heavy skies when it was sunshine for everyone else. It wasn’t until November of 2012 that I had a “reason”. […]
This is my first. I just have to get it out. All the reasons I hate myself. They make you believe that the happy pills will make it all better. I’ve been on them for three months, and here I am. Still depressed, still alone, still misunderstood. The main reason I hate myself is because I’m addicted to porn. All you people who are gonna say it’s natural shut the hell up and look somewhere else. I don’t care if it’s natural. I don’t care if the freaking pope did it. He’s not me. Do you know what it’s like to be called disgusting by […]
Trying to find a place to stay out from Southern California. Let me know if maybe we can work something out and if you need a friend. I have my own personal income and can split some rent with you. If you think you might be interested just let me know and we can try to talk some more. Just hoping for a place to hang out with a friend.
Peace.
I was born into a family that had an over-bearing, over abusive dickwad for a “father”. He would beat the crap out of my for not having all A+’s simply because those were his grades in school. Seriously. My mother would just stand there and let me beat me, scream at me, tell me how im worthless and nobody will ever love me. Yeah, she would just stand there. She said she never did anything is because she “cant afford to support us without his paycheck”. Yeah. And he never hit my sisters, maybe once or twice their whole life.
School wasn’t any better. I was […]
I dream of a world where people can just try to understand each other, rather than judge them for their problems. A world where no one is criticized for who they are and what they love. Unfortunately, a world of peace doesn’t exist.
I dream that I am on my own planet, where there is no misery, violence, hatred or discrimination, with only my closest friends, family members, animals and people who get me. Like I said… I dream. If only dreams could come true for those of us […]
been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more. while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]
A quick disappointing blur. That is what my 23 years have been so far. Maybe it isnt worth dying over. Maybe its not that bad. I have always doubdted myself at every turn, ever since I was a young boy .When I learned that i didnt know my father because I am the product of a drunken one night stand. My biological father was not present because he had to take care of his REAL family. I now have severe social anxiety, its impossible for me to talk to women, or most people for that matter. and I stay inside with my cats most days. […]
maybe i feel much more of a purpose, ive gone my whole life be selfish, no im more alone then i ever was, even during my past depression. I have anxitey, last night it leaked in to my dreams, as i shook the fetal postion for a drop of compassion. maybe i just hope someone would help me, i put on a ever so happy front, when this depression stuck so down deep, i wish someone would help me, show me
Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.
Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long […]
wanting to be alone and not saved…
Saved from what? ourselves?
Are we the ones that caused this?
do you think i wanted this?
we all get judged for the cuts on our wrists
the scares that remain after the bleeding and pain…
why do you think we’d do this to ourselves?
just because we want attention?
cause we’re weird?
has it ever crossed your mind that maybe there’s a reason behind these scares?
well maybe it should…
maybe you should think about it before you judge …
before you look down on the girl that always wears long sleeves …
before you turn your […]