Can someone please explain to me why it’s ok for my ex to tell everyone he sees that he’s got a date coming up, but it’s wrong for me to say that a friend told me that I should consider thinking about the possibility of maybe dating again? I’m glad my ex has a date, maybe he’ll finally leave me alone, other than that, I don’t really care too much. What bugs me though, is after saying that I might CONSIDER thinking about dating, he throws a fit and says that I think he’s worthless, and I never cared and blah blah blah. Is it […]
Tag:
maybe
So me and my dad don’t get along very well…..we never have. I love him and he loves me but unfortunately I inherited too many of my mom’s genes……too many for him I guess. We’ve never really had time to bond, especially not in a family of 7 or what once used to be a family of 7……Don’t worry, nobody died. My parents just got divorced a couple years back that’s all. But anyways the point is me and my father are 2 completely different people. Sure I’ve got some of his genes in me but not enough to show. I’m a really calm, easygoing […]
Im done. Im so ready to kill myself. I just want to go on a hike with my good friend 9mm and never return. My desire to die is stronger than my desire to live. Im not sure how I survived so long, maybe it was because Im living for others, but how long can that last? Eventually I have to to be selfish right? Im tired of being suicidal for the past 8 years, I don’t think it will ever get better.
This is pretty tough. So what if I get through the day. and tomorrow. I’m 24 years old and when I’m homeless eventually I will probably have no choice. I’m gonna be the one living with my parents until they kick me out or pass. Then I can pass too. How do we escape this nexus. I know how but I still cant do it. Been a warrior for a while, IDK how much longer I can live, maybe couple weeks.
So, I’ve been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I was pretty sure I was suffering from this most of my life, just never bothered to get it checked. Why did I finally get it checked out? Out of love, but I don’t want to think about that…
75 apneas an hour. 30 is the threshold for severe apnea, so I have like super duper severe apnea. The doctor was surprised when he first saw me. He only sees that severe of apnea in the very obese, and I’m in no way a big guy.
Turns out I have abnormally large tonsils, so I’m probably going to have […]
I just found out that my ex got married.I’d be lying If I said I’m over her.I’m happy for her tho.I wish her and her husband the best.I just wish I could talk to him to tell him to not fight back cause that Is a fight you will never win haha.their married now,ofcourse he know’s not to haha.I’m just depressed on how things turned out.I should be the one getting married!!haha.I’m the nicest bf she has ever had!!Every other bf she’s had Is bad!!Like her husband has a tattoo on his face.If your gonna get a tattoo on your face then get tear drops […]
Looking around at friend’s and family I see a cycle, one I don’t want it makes me depressed. Everyone grows up and lives in cookie cutter homes has kids and slaps on a smile. I don’t want that, I don’t want to get sucked into society’s vortex. I want to be a nurse and work all the time. I feel like since i’m girl my family has the same expectations, grow up, get married, kids. I just want my cat and me, and to help people. I don’t want anyone’s expectations. I feel like i’m a burden to my boyfriend, a disappointment to my family. […]
Froze my ass off today whilst traipsing around the woods with my uncle. The scenery was nice and I always enjoy being around my Uncle (more than probably my whole family because he sees me as me, not a dark moody piece of shit) but it didn’t clear my head like I had hoped. Did the opposite, actually. I feel so damn worse after getting back.
I had a good cry then slept half the day, but I came to the conclusion that I think the woods is my ideal resting place.
While the idea of death by hypothermia has crossed my mind a lot, I […]
I’ve hated my life for so long I have no idea what being happy is I’ve hung myself nothing drank bleach and window cleaner and threw it back up I want to die but I’m scared to but I fear the next day and dread today I want to leave this world and live a life where I control what happens not others controlling and ruining my life I’m the outcast of my school everyone thinks I’m a joke or that one guy who replaces a girls boyfriend until they find another or that one guy who is a replacement everything I sit in the […]
I’m not a smoker, but a cigarette with coffee hits the spot sometimes. I like the way I get spun up on nicotine and caffeine since I hardly ever have either.
It lifts my lazy depression and maybe…..just maybe will be enough to get where I’m destined to go tonight.
Really don’t want to see another morning
Dreams, a reason why we all work hard to conquer then,to live them.there is always a stage in our life when we let go of our dreams and our aspiration and that point of time we all lie to our ownself that maybe it was not in our destiny or maybe someting better is planned for us. Thats where we lose control over our fate…after this phase is over we all pamper our self make up stuff to satiate our pinching mind which makes us realise that we had done wrong…after all this will be over we again dream but this time its in our […]
… and it really helps with my depression.
I’m a 28-year-old living in Las Vegas. I was first “diagnosed” as clinically depressed when I was 12 years old; but I feel like I’ve been sad most of my life.
Up until recently, my life was completely shut down by my depression – I never got dressed, left my room, ate… there was some self-harm… I was consumed with thought of suicide and self-mutilation, but I managed not to act…
I entered out-patient treatment 3 months ago. On anti-depressants which seem to be helping… but, the real life-style change I’ve made is smoking weed from sun-up till bed time.
I’ve […]
Probably I have made the worst mistake in my life. I trusted in somebody. I told him that I cut. Things just got worse. He told a girl, and this girl couldn’t keep it a secret neither. Now the rumor is spreading like cancer in school.
I’m scared. I don’t know what will happen if a teacher knows, if my parents know… I need help please. I need someone I can trust. I feel more alone than ever. Now I feel more suicidal… maybe that’s the answer.
Yup, new poem.
Bit of a change of pace for me. Don’t know if I love it but maybe it’s something I can build on. Less depression-centric but hopefully people here might still relate.
Don’t You Remember
Don’t you remember when the furthest edge of the earth was the corner of your street?
When we hated the street lights because they signified that it was time to go inside?
When Sundays seemed to last a life-time and we despised the rain because it meant we couldn’t go outside to play?
How something as simple as a cardboard box could entertain for hours?
It wasn’t just utilitarian, it was […]
So I don’t seem to get sleep at night at all… is anyone the same? If so maybe we can talk on here because I never have anyone to talk to at night and that’s half of what’s causing my loneliness ):
I ask myself this question more often then others.
Why am I fucked up like this?
Why did I change from the old me?
Why do I hate myself?
I can’t answer all those questions maybe not even one, but I do know that
I feel this way and I think this is how others view me because this is how I see myself.
The girl who fucks up, the broken one.
I’m not a person I’m an element of the universe.
I just so happened to be picked to live the life I lived cause I know nobody could live it as bad as I do.
I ask myself ‘Why’ because I know […]
“maybe tomorrow will change my mind…”
“maybe tomorrow will bring something i can’t predict or foresee, that will be worth the wait, and all the lost time…”
“maybe i don’t have to go yet, and maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as it always seems to end up being…”
But… probably not.
Maybe i’m tired of deluding myself in the name of survival… since survival itself seems to be a detrimentally fruitless endeavor.
If i have to go through the mental acrobatics of deluding myself intentionally… i need to gain something worthwhile, to justify doing that. But that doesn’t seem to ever happen.
So i keep thinking…
“maybe tomorrow…”
Many people want to end there lives so what the hell makes me any more special then all the other kids. Why am I posting this? I really don’t know I guess I have some things to get off my chest. I’m defiantly not a happy person so you say I’m Severely depressed and I don’t want to change, Â I’m the fuck up and the dumb fuck in my family though everyone thinks I’m the smart happy kid I’m not. people who say I’m too young to be broken, to young to be sad, too young to not know what pain feels like they obviously […]
Everyone has been told or at the very least heard the expression,”The world does not revolve around you.” What a concept.
It’s been documented that bipolar can bring out hallucinations during mania where individuals think they are God. I experienced a taste of this. When you consider that you are the only person in control of your thoughts, actions and memory, you cannot begin what it is like to be someone else. All you know is what you see and experience.
We are essentially in our own little world’s. Not one person can take over our perception of what happens through life. All there is to […]
Death is a thought that every once in a while draws me closer and closer. The loneliness on nights where sleep can’t come any faster and I hear that monster talking me into death. No one will miss this pathetic little man. No one loves me, no one acknowledges me, I tend to be ignored by most. I guess I should take my life but what stops me is that life is not mine to take even my own. And so I guess I will suffer until the day comes maybe I deserve pain, some of us do. If I fail maybe tomorrow I may […]