I have so many things to do this week and I’m having trouble bringing myself to do them. I’m just focusing on how shitty I’ve been feeling these past few days. How do I snap out of it? I thought I was feeling better yesterday or at least beginning to feel better but I guess I wasn’t because now it’s coming all back. I can’t afford to feel this way right now. I feel like most of the time I try to suppress how I feel because I always have something to do. Something is always due, and I always have some sort of exam […]
Tag:
mental
I call her M&M. Because those are her initials.
She used to be one of my bestfriends.
Her dad went all manic and went crazy on her family and got sent to a mental hospital.
Then she got crazy.
It was like, She was a complete different person. She’s 13 right now and She has probably had sex with 30+ highschoolers at my school.
None of the highschoolers like her for her. and she knows that but she still lets them do whatever.
She got super suicidal before all this happened.
Then she tried to overdose.
and then she slit her wrists.
Then she went […]
Wiki Social Avoidant Personality Disorder & there’s my life.
I have a genetic predisposition to social anxiety, as my dad told me he almost joined a monastery for this reason. I have early childhood emotional neglect from physical abuse, verbal abuse, & hours of forced solitude. Absent father, he was going to college. I have extreme peer group rejection, lost almost all my highschool friends right after due to an incident with ecstasy.
Everyone thinks I look OK. That’s because I’m good looking, I’m healthy because I know cardio & lifting reduces stress, as I have anger problems thanks to both genetics & upbringing again. I’m great […]
The impact from my chest caving into itself has created the waves that return when my mental state goes out of balance. I’m so lonely it hurts. I used to be so strong and uninterested in love. Now, I find myself thinking it’s the only thing left in the world that will save me.
This may be my last post not because I’m going to kill myself. As my drs and social services don’t think I can cope anymore and they are right. They think my mental health condition is not manageable in the Community or like a psychiatric hospital. So they looking at sending me to a therapeutic Community. I really don’t want to go but got no Choice over the matter. I know I cart cope with the life I’ve been given feeling suicidal is just one off many problems I’ve got to deal with on a day to day basis. I wish I could be a […]
So I’ve been feeling suicidal for about four years no ive attempted suicide neumorus of times I’ve been to over 30 plus mental hospitals. I’d find myself feeling better then all of a sudden im down again I was diagnosed with depression ptsd and bipolar disorder. Im taking zoloft I just feel as if nobody understands me. I’m only seventeen I have scars all over my arms I never really exspess myself to anyone I block people out because im afraid to let anyone in although people say im geting better I don’t feel like I am. Everyday I smoke cigarettes im constantly thinking I […]
Hi, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Please let me introduce myself: I am a suicide. “A suicide…?” you say, with some shock, thinking I have just made a joke in very poor taste. Yes, a suicide is what I am. I have been dead for some time now, emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as of the time of this writing. My actual name does not matter, nor do the majority of my life’s circumstances. I was never a happy person; that is not to say I had always been sad, or down, or any other state implying the opposite of ‘Happy”, merely that […]
Damn. It’s Hot. I hate this island. Nothing ever makes sense here. Everyone is smoking and drinking and killing cursing and…is happy. Why do buses filled with white people come here? Who in their right mind would want to come here? Avoid the groid! It’s so hot! Is this hell? Because everyone torments me with their jubilee while I am just devastated. I thought that If I preserved my memories they preserve me but they are just a mental horror movie. My childhood wasted. The real me Lost somewhere in between the beatings and loneliness and alienation. Why here!? Haha. Maybe I should run to […]
I am reborn into the self I always knew I was deep down. I have shed all of my hang ups. I am no longer pitifully socially anxious. I can talk to anyone and am totally free of mental torment. I have always been good at public speaking actually, even at my most anxious.
I am over-educated and have no desire to go to any more classes. I need to start teaching.
How, where, and about what are the only questions that remain.
Just sharing this, no replies are required.
Goodbye, From AnonKun (I have replaced my real name with AnonKun whenever it appears)
I am very aware that many readers of this note may be surprised upon discovering it that I committed suicide. Please know that this was not a spur of the moment decision. This is not a decision I made lightly, or one that was imposed on me by people, society, or circumstance. This is a painful decision I made after years of on and off suffering with no logical conclusion or end in sight.
To address what is likely the most immediate question, I will explain why I chose to take […]
Stop whatever you’re doing and read this. It’s important.
Okay, chances are, you’re probably on this website because you had a terrible day or worse; a terrible childhood. Or some sort of traumatic experience. But you know what the other reason for you being here is? The much bigger and more important reason? The fact that you’re alive and a sentient being.
You have free will to a certain extent. Your mental capacity is nigh on infinite. You’re a beautiful and complex person. What’s more is that you matter. You’re important. You are amazing and awesome and genuine. So don’t let anyone else tell you […]
This is my second post. My first is a life story of sorts. But the basics you need to know before you read the rest of this are: 1. I’ve struggled with severe mental illness for over half my life, and I’m young. I’ve made five very serious suicide attempts and have been psychiatrically institutionalized 11 times. So, I’m a very experienced mental patient. 2. As ironic as it is, I work in an acute care mental health facility. Most of our patients are either suicidal or have just been medically cleared and sent to us after attempting suicide. So I guess you […]
This has been the hardest year of my life. To say things have gone south is an understatement. Some good things have happened but the bad far outweighs it. I attempted to commit suicide unsuccessfully earlier this year. Ever since then I’ve had off and on thoughts about attempting it again. The biggest thing that has stopped me is my kids and the thought of who would find my body. The first time was a cry for help. I didn’t succeed because I was sloppy about it. This week though all the feelings have come rushing back. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that […]
Mental Health Week ends today in my country. I am very lucky to live in a country that is pretty accepting of mental health issues but even with it’s national recognition on media and such, I can tell you that I still continue to have stigma placed upon me from first hand experience. For instances, I was tricked into disclosing my health issues during a job interview and it was so obvious from what the lady said, wrote and acted after I did disclose my mental health problems that I wasn’t going to get the job. I stupidly tell people that I am feeling suicidal […]
Humanity seems to believe the absurd ideology that all humans are created equal. Therefore, when someone has something like ADHD, or some other disorder, be it mental or physical, of course others will try to ostracise them! We’re raised in a society that says everyone is the same, and that people can do anything if they set their minds to it. This society is fucked up. Many “disorders” or “syndromes” aren’t detrimental at all, but rather, they’re different ways of acting and perceiving. Why can’t they be respected as such, and why do people with these differences have to be seen as inferior to others […]
I’ve had a lot of medical and mental history. My CFS/fibromyalgia is bad at this moment. I’ve tried to take my life in the past, but didn’t know you were supposed to go down the road and not cross the tracks. Plus I have a genetic blood disorder that causes my to clot quickly. I didn’t know that at the time. I saw my mother try to kill herself several times as a child. I don’t want to leave that legacy to my hubby and children or whoever may find me. But, I’m tired of being a burden. I’ve learned my Daughter in Law says […]
It started in first grade. Girls would laugh and snicker behind my back. Third grade was the first time i had ever been called ugly. I believed it because nobody had ever told me anything different. From ugly, to stupid, from stupid, to fat, from fat, to worthless, from worthless, to useless, from useless, to “why don’t you just kill yourself already?” I’ve been called it all. Even though i’ve never weighed over a hundred pounds i believed it. I started starving myself and was soon diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The bullies? they started saying i look “gross” or “disgustingly bony”. I was labeled the […]
You just got out of a mental hospital a month ago and you see someone you met inside walking down the street with someone else. You really want to say ‘hi’ to her, but then the thought occurs to you that maybe the person she’s walking with doesn’t know she was in a mental hospital. Maybe he/she is like, a work colleague or something.
What would you say if she tries to introduce you to her friend? Would you make something up like “uh, yeah, we met in… um…” (come on, think, dammit, think!) “… church” (argh dammit why did I say that? I’m an atheist)
Do you just keep […]
All of my problems are emotional/mental. I want to be dead so badly. But I can’t because I’m afraid that some dumbass doctor will “save”/torture me by making me a quadriplegic or a vegetable or something.
I’m so fucking desperate to die. It PHYSICALLY hurts. It’s ALL I think about. But several million years of evolution and my fear of messing up is keeping me here, screaming at my rational and moral brain to not kill myself. Base instincts and fear…
I’m sick. Had an appt. with the surgeon today. Blah blah blah, more tests, blah blah blah.
Just ended a 10 year relationship. He didn’t want to marry me. Or live with me. Or commit to me in any meaningful way.
I want to feel better. I want to go on with my life and get medical treatment and be okay. I really do.
I just don’t think I have the strength to survive the pain I’ll have to go thru to come out the other end. Mental pain physical pain. All of it.
Maybe I’m a coward. Maybe I’m just broken and exhausted.
Suicide […]