The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit […]
I’m only 13 years old and I self harm myself almost everyday. It all
when I was only 2 years old matter of fact I was not even 1. My
mother got MS and she lost her legs. The older I got the worst
everything become. I never went on a field trip or went to a friend’s
house to play. I had friends but the older I got the worst of friends I
got like the druggies, whores, bullies, liars, and abusives. When I
was in 6th grade I found a boy I liked tall, rocker, handsome, and
sweet. It was a thursday morning in the hallway when some of my
friends […]
Being jusged really sucks. It sucks even more when the person doesnt even know you. Getting called a whore by your boyfriends sister suck even worse. I mean yeah i didnt have sex with my boyfriend before and i have done other things with him but i have nevrr done anything with any other guy besides him. It hurts to know his sister who use to love me now hates me and thinks im a whore. I look at myself and always ask if i look like one. I try to not dress like on. I dont skinny jeans and a aero shirt is a […]
I’m freaking out. I want something to wake me up. I want somebody to notice my lies. I want somebody to realize that I’m destroying myself. I want people to realize that I’m not okay.
I want to stop lying to myself. I want to stop thinking that it’s not okay to feel. I want to be able to cry and not feel like an ungrateful ****, because sometimes I don’t want to exist.
I want to remember what it is to be happy. I want to be able to smile and not those half-assed smiles that make me hate myself, because I know it isn’t real. […]
I’m the type of girl to put on an act to keep the world off my back. Even when I’m trying to push them away, I actually just want someone to stop me and tell me I don’t have to pretend anymore. I’m the girl who sits in her room crying, thinking back to the past and wondering how I ever made it this far.
Everyday I go to school and pretend to be that happy girl you’ll find in every class. Everyone buys my act and they think I’m happy, that nothings wrong, but they’re all wrong.
There will never be a time where I’ve never […]
I’m sooo tired of it all!! Don’t know what to do anymore! Can’t even stand to look in the mirror, I don’t know how much more I can take. Â I cry all the time now, can’t even get through one day without crying. My husband always asks if i’m okay, but the truth is, he really doesn’t wan’t know the answer to that question. I don’t know why he even bothers asking. I wanna believe he loves me, but I don’t know how. I feel as though everyone would be happier and better off if I were gone. Â I really believe they would all jump […]
I got a new haircut. My hair was halfway down my back but because of the heat i finally had it cut,i wanted it to be cut to my shoulders but my mother accidently cut it to my neck. I was so insecure about my hair because of how short it was and because my hair is the only thing people seem to notice about me so i was scared. I woke up this morning and i looked myself in the mirror,today was the first day that i was able to look at myself and not feel insecure about my body,weight doesn’t matter,my looks don’t […]
this is really hard for me to post this.
i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.
it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]
My mom is constantly telling me that i need to see a therapist and i keep on telling her u really should. I thought she had finally realized how i was feeling but then i find out that she wants me to see a therapist because she wants that girly girl that left her a long time ago,she hasn’t noticed a thing… She only wants the perfect daughter that she used to have. I may not be depressed and self-harm anymore but i still want to see one,i know im not completly out if the woods yet. My friends told me not to tell the […]
Suicide and Reclamation
It’s so cold and dark in this place
I’d cut myself open to show you
Our blood is the same
Water stings as it kisses cuts like my mothers lips
Something about submerging myself seemed to be like a baptism.
I remember when my pastor dipped me in the water.
I want to be clean again.
I want to tell you I’m sorry…for what I can’t remember.
All I know is that I was wrong.
Alcohol burned so much I thought it killed what made me sick even those dirty sinful memories.
I want to be pure again.
I want to hold someone […]
My life is so miserable because my parents are separated and my mom and dad doesn’t care about me anymore…. and I am so ugly that my classmates always laugh at my face and nobody wants to befriend with me because im ugly.I dont have friends and i am very poor and everybody hates me because im too shy to befriend with them and they always tease me and embarass me infront of my classmates.When i look at the mirror i always cry because im so ugly that nobody wants to be with me even my parents laugh at may face, im an outcast.I always […]
I have seen a counselor twice because of my self harm issues but I stopped going to the counselor because I didn’t ever like going. Looking back on the times that I was there and the discussions we had I realized that I wasn’t entirely honest with her. When I would talk to her I could tell by the way she looked at me that she thought I was dumb. I am one of those people who have parents still together, I have a home, I have dinner on my table, and I’m pretty. You may think with all of that, how can a person […]
I have this friend, he’s awesome. And sometimes I actually let him in, emotionally. I don’t do that to anybody. I hide my feelings fairly well unless instigated. He’s getting fed up with my lack of concern towards myself. I wish I could just be like, “I’m really just venting, let me freak out. It’s fine, I’m not going to cut up.”. But alas here I am, getting all guilted up because I can’t change who I am. I’m completely worthless. Don’t try to tell me I’m not, I know the truth. I can’t literally remember a moment that didn’t end in guilt or shame. […]
I look at the cuts on my wrist
Mirrored by the scars from the past.
I gaze into the mirror at my tear-stained face
Hoping to comprehend my sad, red eyes.
I stare at my wrist in the mirror
Trying to connect the image with myself.
I feel as if this is not real
This is not me.
I wish to understand why I couldn’t reach out
Why is asking for help so hard?
Sometimes I feel like I’m pretty and smart but then I look in the mirror and every name I’ve ever been called just comes flashing back to me and I try to be strong but I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to deal with this anymore, I don’t want to be me anymore. I tried reaching out to someone in real life but she thought I was kidding and she doesn’t understand. She’s never felt like this for a day in her life. I understand that I’m not the only one to feel like this, but I’m the only one here, where I […]
You let it happen! You stood by and let her say and do whatever she wanted if its any wonder why im messed up I only look to who raised me. You never stood up to her or said anything. When I needed you the most to be a father you made your choice clearly you supported her when I needed you the most! How can one man be so different in front of people and be a whole other person when there’s no one around. I know you can’t protect me from everything but you could have protected me […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
Okay, so it’s been this bad for a year now. Everytime I look on the mirror I feel sick with frustration of why I have to look the way I do. Everytime someone would call me ugly or fat I would just laugh. Wishing that they would like me so they won’t have to hurt me ever again.
I’ve had my boyfriend for one year now. He is the est thing which could of ever happened to me. He’s so beautiful and smart. But I’ve even so hurt in the past I feel so jealose. Not like normal jealosey, because everytime he looks in the […]
Hello im elena. Im 17 years of age and i am suicidal. There is not one day that goes by that i don’t think of suicide. I am going through severe depression. I feel like everyone in the world is fake to me i hate myself, i really do. I look at myself in the mirror and think to myself i am so ugly,fat,useless,worthless. No boy really likes me for me? They just wan’t me for other things not to really love me. I cry myself to sleep everyday because of how much i really hate what i have become. Why is that i feel […]
Dress me from the bottom
Work you’re way up high
And look at me
Look me in the eyes
See my past
See my pain
See my actions
As I wane
I want to forget
Forget it all
As I tumble
as I fall
Now look at me
All around
How do I look?
Do I look down?
Of course I don’t!
I faked for you
I don’t lie
This is true
Look at the mirror
Just turn your head
See me now?
See me dead?
That’s not the future
That is now….Inside me
That’s what I am
That’s what you made me be
Whatever I do
Whatever I say
I do […]
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