So…after many struggles and trying to lift myself up off of the ground and many blessings, I have finally made it. I MADE IT! I am so proud of myself. As much shit as I’ve been through and I’ve actually made it so far. I lost my dad, I lost my mom to drugs, I lost my house, I lost my dog, I was put in a total strangers house who only wanted me for a paycheck. I made it through high school all by myself. I applied to college all by myself. I am MAKING it. I still have moments where I feel like […]
Tag:
moments
It’s been a while since I last logged in here. A long while. A few years. I don’t know what made me think of it now but I remembered it and how at the time, writing helped.
The depression is back. It never really left I guess, but after I was put on meds I was on those for about two years and became a semi functional member of society. Then I was taken back off them, and I had gotten myself to an okay place and kept trundling on living day by day doing anything to put a bit of sunshine into life. But it’s […]
I find myself feeling numb. Sometimes a spark of happinesss comes in, or a glimmer of hope, or moments of excrutiatingly painful, lonely, sadness. I feel as if I don’t want to end my life, but I’d like too end the pain, sorrow, and for once, I’d like too feel again. In a good way.
Over the weekend I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can’t help but love him even though he won’t be mine. He admitted to being superficial. But I ended up getting to rub him down with a full body massage. And it was relaxing, in the sense that, it’s a moment I’ve always dreamed of, giving all of my attention to the one I love, in a romantic way. Only thing I couldn’t do is follow it up with kisses, since we’re not at that level. I’m afraid I’ll never see him now that something he’s committed to doing has […]
It’s a terrible statement but I never let it leave my side. That sickening realization that I’m done with this fight. Moments kneeling on the bedroom floor sickened by the entity I had absorbed, no more. I would not let the self-scrutinizing endeavor endure a precipice a monologue questioning my every motive. My disaster stricken heart feeling broken, my emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase taking the place of what was once your emotion.
Diluted with tears, an open book scribbled with fears engraved pools of ink I’m vocally shook; and I’m tired of telling myself that it’s gonna change.
Taken by the spectacular lie […]
Poll: how much of your existence has been happy and when was the last time you was happy?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
of my 31 years on this earth, I had brief moments of happiness as a small child but never lasted due to my chaotic family situation. Maybe an average of just alittle under a month a year. After that – May 1995, July 1995, March-May 1998, March-May 1999, April-October 2002, September-December 2006 and November-December 2011. I’m not even sure if I was truly happy than ether because my life has been so miserable I can’t tell the difference sometimes. Those dates I pointed out were more or less when my life was not a living hell.
how about yall?
I am fourteen years old. My father abondoned me as a child. I think of that a lot. why wasnt i enough for him. Why did he have to leave me? Also when i was a child i was raped. My family doesnt know and only one of my friends does. I deal with constant flashbacks. I see and hear things that arent there. i hear voices telling me to do things i dont want to do, to hurt others and myself. i see scary things and stupid things from monsters to birds. I am secretly gay and live in a catholic family in the […]
just going to sit on the beach by the lake.. be there around 4:30 AM so there isn’t much people there. Going to watch the sun come up one last time, have a drink or two, and my Remington will do the last of work. Goodbye, I’ve finally fucking grown the balls to do this, farewell and to all those struggling I wish you the best.
ps. Sorry for whoever finds my corpse. I know it’s gonna look pretty fucked up. I can’t help it.
There are moments when even to the sober eye of reason, the world of our sad humanity may assume the semblance of Hell…
by KH
written by KH
The title above is a quote by Edgar Allan Poe – one of my favourite writers, and if you haven’t read any of his works yet I highly recommend it!
Ive been reading through his Complete Tales and Poems recently and honestly I’ve never enjoyed myself more. His writing is beautiful, and the words come alive as you read them.
Anyways, the point of this little note is to say that Hell is already in the world in humanity itself. It is a tragic thing but it is logical in the sense that humanity is the worst and best thing to happen in this planet; so corruption […]
Recently my girlfriend of around 3 years just broke up with me. You can say our relationship was an odd one being that it was an online relationship. I even went and visited her for the first time recently. Time I spent with her was the greatest moments in my life. I am completely in love with her and she even said she loved me. Entire time I was with her felt like a dream. But she broke up with me after all of that. I feel lost, I simply given up caring about my own life. I have stopped taking my medication, often starving […]
I am so disappointed with how everything ended I’m so hateful towards myself and everything around me so I have these moments were I cease to have any control over my rage today I got in a fight with my brother and all I could think was to make sure he never fucked with me again to seriously harm him Idk why I left Idk how i did eitherthe urge to let the rage take over was so strong (no he’s not much younger than me and no I didn’t even make him bleedi really wanted to do much worst)
I have attempted suicide several times. Obviously, they failed. I don’t want to fail again.
I have tried everything thing under the sun to get to a point of being ok with myself and my place in this world. I have had fleeting moments of okay-ness, but only fleeting as I always come back to wanting to die.
I don’t trust anyone outside of a few family members who partially understand what I am feeling and give me the same advice of “pull up your bootstraps,” bullshit. I know they love me and don’t want me to suffer and I appreciate that. The thing is, I honestly […]
I’m so very tired of things going wrong on my life. It feels like whatever I start to do results for a few moments like I’m reaching my goals and then all of a sudden everything’s wrecked, ruined, destroyed with no possibility of keeping anything good from the journey, because most of all the objects of my passion breaks and only the bad things last. And I don’t want to say goodbye to anything anymore, I am the kind of people that love intensily and keep attached to feelings, like a drug addict I want to live strong feelings, to feell alive, to forget the […]
I’m not afraid of death anymore. The inevitable panic stage of dying is what scares me the most. I know if I swallow a bunch of pills, have my sweaty, shaky hand on the grip of a pistol pressing against my right temple, or if I decide to hang myself, those moments of waiting to die will be the absolute worst. All I know is that I need an escape, I need out, I need out of my body and my mind, need transcendence.
I’d like to think that reincarnation is real and maybe in another life I’ll be wiser and not make the same mistakes […]
i write the moon for you
the sad silver part
you thought would never shine
for you
i write the waves for you, soft currents
i know your pain is so immense
the moments they rejected you
let the waves wash healing waters
over all of you
let the moon cast away the darkness
with its silver beauty
forked tongue not of death but licking you clean
let the honey wash and heal you
i know this road is bitter
trust me, my darling
and some day let every word you could never utter
be spoken
like beauty
pearled
Latly I’ve been having these feelings that suicide is the way to go. It started out with depression and has since moved into these bad moments of me just feeling so horibble I just go straight to suicide. Its hard for me to open up, I’m Marine so to all my friends and familyni am su pposed to be the big strong one. The one who has it together. When its far from the truth. I recently took some leave to see my friends and family and while I had some good times, it wss hard to enjoy others since I was in a trap […]
That on my last night, I will be taking down a child molester. Yes maybe they were molested themselves, but they can’t keep on passing it down. I will do something good in my last moments.
i never want to sleep again whenever i do i wake up and feel like im a pos at least when ive been awake too long and start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation i no longer care that life is a joke seems like my most suicidal moments are in the first 12 or so hours after sleep really wish there was a drug free way to sleep even less than i do now it would be really nice to just not wake up
After middle school, Isaiah decides to do somethinf about the bullying. He works out everyday, starts getting his hair cut, and begins to change his overall appearance. At the age of 14, he begins to feel better about life. Why? Because not only is he looking and feeling different, but people are treating him differently. People begin to become nicer to him. For once he begins to feel love and attention that he never recieved as a child. He doesn’t know how to handle it so he eats the attention up and becomes a bully himself. He unconsciously wants to spread pain to other people. […]
When you feel alone.
Those are the moments when your demons take over your mind.
In those moments suicidal thoughts start circling around your head.
Trying to trick you into playing the game.
A game that once you start playing you won’t be able to quit.
And the only way you’ll get out is being dead.
Because in the end that’s what the demons want from you.
To die and never come back.
Because if we come back they will haunt us again and again nonstop.
Because they want to get rid of us.
After all, that’s what demons do for a living.