I am the outcast. I always feel like no one will notice if I am gone. When I go to high school I feel so trapped then I go home and I feel extremely alone. I never feel like I belong anywhere. There are moments where I came so close to committing suicide just I get scared. I get scared because what if I do it and it isn’t any better on the other side what if I am even more alone. My family life just is terrible and my school life is so much worse. I have to pretend to be someone I am […]
Tag:
moments
I had a fleeting thought of shooting myself with a shotgun while urinating, moments ago. I imagine the upon the blast you would feel great pain, and would get an ear ringing sensation. Then your cranium, and the surrounding flesh would be turned to compost. Of course death would occur somewhere within the moment your head is intact and your flesh blends into a pile of chum. Just seems like such a violent way to go. Certainly a certain way to get the job done, that’s for certain, but all the more sickening.
I simply can’t shoot myself, the thought of it is so unsettling. Of […]
hello everybody.
what would you do if…?
your partner wanted to go his own way, live his own way, cut all the links with people he has known and live as a hermit, wanderer in the forests far away from the human noise?
He was just about to do it when we first met. He’s a man-hater and says he could live without people happily. He despises the whole system, machinery, life full of bans, laws, taxes and doctors.
He often reminds me of his wish and lately, I have been feeling worthless and an idea came to my mind: If I weren’t here, he could have fulfilled his […]
That one thing we’re all searching for.
Whether you’re here because you’ve attempted, are planning on attempting or are just curious, were were all drawn here by one binding factor.
Death.
Death is not simple.
Death is not easy.
Death is complicated and painful, and explodes with the emotional force of an atom bomb.
Lives are ripped apart, relationships crumble, people are reduced to the most basic form of themselves.
It will make you feel things you never thought possible, do things you thought were beyond you, be the person you always feared.
Dying will feel like an eternity, whether your insides are dissolving from an overdose, or you’re blood is pumping onto […]
I have been planning to go away permanently for sometime now. I had a practise run and everything is set up.
The way it was determined will not make much sense to anyone. What am I even asking? I don’t know.
They sent me to hospital last Monday. I had not been sleeping I was hearing a lot of commands seeing things in my room. But all this has happened before. I admitted to having attempted to end my life but I have bipolar and bpd and I think that they just see all that as symptoms of my shit.
So the next two days […]
Mama said to hold on to the most basic emotion, love
Love, failed me over and over as I bled from all the cuts,
Cuts, done by unseen sharps as she again let me down,
Down, further in hole than the last one,
I can not be undone, but I am broken,
And none see those hopeless moments
They see the iron-will in me and its all false
In the end it shows, they see as I rot
Can’t hold on for long, I tried
Play the song “When I’m gone” when I’m gone
i’m working at my dream job. it is stressful but meaningful that i have some “uh-huh life is good” moments from time to time.
but every time when i sit down quietly, i can feel the pain. i feel the emptiness in my chest. i still wish i were dead.
seems like i see the good things as separate incidents while blaming all the bad things on life as a whole.
I’m sat in my room right now just singing out loud and it takes me back to every time someone has caught me doing this.
When I’m gone I hope you all think back to these moments
My sister’s reaction would be to turn her music up louder than me.
My brother would complain about wailing cats.
There we those two friends who’d come in and sing with me.
Or the one who’d just smile and dance along.
And the one who wanted to jam and mash up my song with his.
And sure, some would complain and tell me to shut up.
But there were those who’d let me finish and then […]
“Sweet soul, you have done more than you give yourself credit for, you are far more beautiful than you make out, you have made your way past moments that could have destroyed you and your future shines brighter than you realize. Celebrate yourself in this moment. The world is fortunate to have you.” ~ S.C. Lourie
Have hope and don’t be so hard on yourselves. You are always better, more important, and more alive than you feel in the darkest moments. there is light and there is a tomorrow.
An orange rots from the inside out. The outside may be in pristine condition, but upon cutting it open you may find nothing but mold.
Maybe that’s what’s been happening to my mind. My memory has been getting worse. My desire for life is diminishing even more, if that were possible. I’m starting to care less and less about the risk and consequence of my death. On the outside, however, I am as normal as can be to most people.
Yes, to most people. Other than the person who (sadly) saved me from death during my last attempt, most people involved had put it away, […]
I told my father how I felt, everything that I felt and he got mad at me, he called me names, he yelled, and then he left. A few moments later he came back to tell me that I was a waste of space, and I told him that I didn’t care what he said because I was going to kill myself that day anyway.
After I yelled that while everyone else in my family was listening, I ran. I ran because I knew my mother, my sister and my brother would try to stop me from doing that. I hid, but was found moments […]
Honestly, I’m so beyond done even trying. Im so glad my parents arent back home until friday because i wouldnt want them to hear my last moments. I dont care anymore everything is over and ive had enough i guess this is my last goodbye
About a year ago I got high and bullied a friend. I hurt her so bad that she attempted suicide then I felt really bad and have been depressed/suicidal ever since. I have moments in school where just like whatever and go into the bathroom and cut myself. It also doesn’t help when someone sees the cuts and tells people. I felt as if I dug a 100 foot hole I can’t get out of. My life is done. It won’t get better.
Edit: I forgot to say I’m also bullied and have been since 4th grade (currently in 8th) and its hard to deal with […]
“Happiness can be found, Even in the darkest of times , If one only remembers to turn on the light.”
I thought I would start off my update with one of my all time favorite quotes. Well I’m still breathing for one. I just started at my new college 2 weeks ago. Things have definitely been getting better for me. Though I’ve had a few bad moments including clawing and slitting my arms to the point that probably be marked for a good while. I could never handle stress well. My depressive thoughts have decreased though, Though I haven’t felt more alone in a long time […]
I want to reply with the chorus from Metallica’s song Trapped Under Ice, but that’s just opening pandora’s box and I really don’t want to guide anyone down my rabbit hole of misery.
Freezing
Can’t move at all
Screaming
Can’t hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I’m trapped under the ice
I feel like that every weekend, when I’m laying in bed, blanket pulled up over my head. I have every thought in the world for productive things I could do, but I never move. I spent the majority of this past weekend laying in bed sulking […]
I sit alone consuming my pain, smothering my true self. I jerk my life into focus, courage deserted. I need time, more time. Want it, need it, time. My moments come, my moments pass still I sit here smothering my true self. Biting my knuckles and bartering for time. The moment of truth, I stand desperate to release myself. Too late the moment, the time is gone. Obliviously it flitted into oblivion. The seconds marched off the brink, toy soldiers grim-faced sinking, falling, failing. At the last moment they look in my eyes, my terror mirrored in theirs. A solider with my face near […]
I can’t quite bring myself to include the word “happy” although I wish I could. At least that is my sincere wish for all of you. But I know there is much pain and suffering, and these things make no distinction regarding new years, new days, hours or seconds.
As we do pass this sort of chronological demarcation, I genuinely hope that each of you can find the one hug, one smile, one friend or just one touch from another that makes a difference for you. If but one person finds a few moments of comfort it’s worth all the effort put forth to find it. […]
So I spent the first moments of the new year on the phone to Lifeline (a UK service) and the only thing they were interested in was persuading me there’s reason to live or having me committed.
But what if you’re past that point? What if you’re determined to die and just want to talk to someone impartially? I feel it’s disrespectful to completely ignore the suicidal persons issues or pretend they don’t exist just to be a hero(ine).
So I’m still here questioning my suicide method, to sit drunk at the edge of a tower block, take a cocktail of tablets, then inhale a huge amount […]
I’ve been fighting this off for decades. I’ve had a couple of failed attempts not because I didn’t make a real effort but because something always happened to stop. Now, I’ve lost everything which I had gained and nothing left has any value except my children but that’s no longer enough. I want death and to be out fem this pain and suffering. The reasons are numerable but the answers are empty as to why to keep going. I just want out. I don’t know why I’m writing. I suspect it’s just to get through the next moments and maybe the day. If I can […]
it is quiet. it is still.a moment of peace. i relish these moments as i wait for the world to awaken.alone, with my thoughts, and the treasures of yesterdays broken dreams. the fear has not overwhelmed me yet, and the pressures and demands of dailey existance have not started.how i wish the sun would stop its dayley climb ans allow me to enjoy this for more than a fleeting moment. oh well. a moment of beauty and peace in this dark place is better than none at all. ill take what i can get