Hey guys. I am realizing something here. I have to move on. I have a picture with myself since I was 8 years old. I look at that picture and imagine what he wanted. He was a good kind child. His parents gave him the best they had. He had computer and a shelter+ food. Some of us don’t have this, some of us are paralyzed, having serious medical problems and the list can continue. The divorce of my parents and my introverted nature shattered my world, and the dissapointments with my exes. But still, like Salt said, I am good looking and smart. I […]
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move on
Thought I was feeling better and maybe I am. But think its time to start coming up with a plan. Because I don’t want another or anything else for that matter in my life anymore. I still feel empty and sad, but I do things. I’m not in bed anymore. I try to move on and see other people, but don’t want to anymore. I fell in love with that girl and thought it was real between the both of us, but it was just me. I relized I fooled myself again or whatever. But also feel ready to go. Lived the best I could […]
There they are, all of the muses I’ve taken recently. God, what I’d give to not see this. What I’d give to forget them all and move on with life.
Little_Old_Me with her auburn hair, beautiful face, and lips I’d kill to kiss again. Sammi6xoxo, her tall, slender, frame with those eyes I write about so often.
Little_Old_Me.
She’s sitting on the curb. Right now she’s not wearing very heavy clothes, it’s still a warm Iowa summer and there’s no need. The long, auburn, hair I’ve grown to so admire is tied up right now. Beauty embodied. The slight curvature of her jaw, not too sharp, which […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I remember feeling from a very early age like I didn’t belong anywhere. I always felt like the black sheep in my family and I was always pretty shy so making friends wasn’t really a strong suit.
I started getting depressed when I was about 12 years old. I had a teacher who I usually went to when I was having a bad day because I knew no one else would listen. I was having trouble fitting in when I was in middle school. I tried to fit in with all different groups of people but I never really clicked anywhere. In […]
My life is defined by fear. It is always there, at the back of my mind. It’s hard to live with. A part of you always telling you that something is terribly wrong, and you need to drop everything, this instant, to resolve the threat.
What am I so afraid of? There’s all the normal stuff, of course. Death, aging, disease, violence. But beyond that, I’m afraid that I can never experience a meaningful relationship, or really connect with anyone. That my life will always be this empty lie, trying to hide how worthless I am from those around me. Never facing the world honestly, or […]
sometimes i cant think about anything but death
but when i see the one that smashed me and raped my heart before my body seeking my death
i say that i will not surrender i will not fade
i will be stronger than all that happened to me ,, i will never break ,, maybe i am already broken and feeling death through my vines
he wants me to die
and i will never help him to be pleasured
i will smile i will laugh i will be strong and forget everything about my pain
i will never ask to be dead again and never think about it ,, i will kill […]
Have u ever looked around and seen people laughing, smiling, talking…. An ever thought why? Now, it’s an everyday occurrence for me. Why are they laughing. What could possibly be so funny that they laugh without a care in the world. Why motivates them to maintain that tiring position of a gin on your face. For me, I wear a mask. I don’t even know why I do. I smirk when I’m suppose to, don’t talk out of place, and listen quietly. Now I’m in my bathroom, tearing up, questioning my will to live and move on. Why are we even here. Why do we have to […]
Sooo… hi. I posted on here for the first time a couple of days ago, and I got so much support and positivity. If anyone who read my previous post is reading this, thank you so much for your kindness. 🙂
And also, if you’re reading this, be prepared for a rant.
In my previous post, I essentially said how my ex has affected my life more than I thought possible. And not in a positive way. To sum it up: I still love him after over a month of being seperated, and I’m pretty sure he hates me. Because of that, I’ve started doing things in […]
So here I am at 19, on a page for releasing thoughts of suicide or just flat out depression. Manic, major, whatever it is that gets to you.
I have had an awesome life so far, I’ve done so many things, and I have seen so many things. But these past few weeks I’ve just gotten hit hard with depression. The past couple days I have contemplated suicide. So tonight I tried it, I tried hard, but i can’t bring myself to do it. I had a belt pulled around my neck as hard as I could possibly have it, and I’m glad I couldn’t, because […]
All the papers and forms will be signed, witnessed and notarized on Sunday. I’m going to have to decide if I have the courage to go through with jumping. I am sick to my stomach with loneliness today. And I physically ache.
It’s time to cut my losses and move on. Monday I leave for the bridge.
I left high school because I was having social issues then I decided to go to Lincoln tech so I could get a good job and not be a looser and I end up getting a 3.0 at the cost of having two guys try to fight me and another pouring a soda over my head I start a job… Hate it conditions are terrible switch fields get lied to on a daily basis about advancement opportunities that don’t exist I meet a beautiful stripper by the name of Mandy real name Tiffany we texted a lot and I felt she may have been playing […]
Everyday now you hear stories of people who are so upset, depressed tortured, bullied, and how they in their lives so shortly and swiftly and how everyone around them is so effected by their choice and how cruel and selfish they were to take their lives as they did. Honestly, I can’t help but feel like they are the lucky ones. They’re the ones who’ve realized what to do how to help themselves they know their way out. People have always said that suicide is a sin. I want to make it very clear that suicide is not a sin. God would not so harshly […]
I absorb negative emotions so quickly and frequently. I don’t even have any reason to be upset at life. I’m just physically drained all the time.
I remember back in high school and earlier, I was always bright and full of life etc, but HS just ruined me. That’s not to say I had a rough time through it, I’m an average dude, had friends and did okay on subjects. But I was always invested in the idea of having a partner. Having someone to love and care for. And that want has slowly been stripped back piece by piece and I just don’t even try […]
The only reason why I haven’t killed myself yet is my mother. She’d be crushed, and I don’t want to hurt anyone because of me killing myself.. I’m probably just going through a “phase”.. Well that’s what I hope… It sucks, I feel like I have a pretty bright future ahead of me: good grades, great Offensive Tackle, But I have basically 3 friends, and one of them is just done with me, and I don’t know how I fucked up so bad.. But some things are too much, my stepdad having stage 3 kidney cancer.. And earlier tonight, my “friend” had just said that […]
This morning I drove 6 hours from Phoenix to Los Angeles to spend a couple of days with the most beautiful human being I have ever known. He is an elderly, British gentleman, a Royal Chaplain (meaning he was once assigned by the Archbishop of Canterbury in England, to take charge of a small chapel in Wales which is still under the “protection” of the Crown), a Franciscan Friar, and my friend.
A week ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. At 84 years of age, after two previous battles with cancer, he is too frail to undergo a strenuous attempt at fighting it […]
I personally have contemplated suicide for over 15 years… it’s tough to determine when I started considering it so I’ve approximated.
I realise that everyone has had different pasts and different reasons for considering suicide… but is moving past the idea of suicide, is it something that is truly genuinely possible? Moving past like never think of suicide again.
The only thing that i have been able to do is suppress the desire but it is always there… it just depends. I spend a lot of time ruminating about my past… I can’t seem to move past this either. I don’t have a lot of activity […]
Ok guys, come on. We all have to admit we shared a lot of laughs and fun times this morning with Wndozh8er and some others who post regularly on this site. I don’t know what happened between then and now, but there’s so much arguing and drama going on in the comments and with posting new posts, etc. let’s all just get along. We are all here for a reason, rather it be because we are suicidal, or that we are trying to help others feel like living again. Maybe you have survived an attempt and want to share your life with us. Whatever it […]
I was planning on dying this week. But I didn’t have the balls to do it, or the opportunity really. So now I’m alive, I haven’t exactly decided to live but yet here I am. Now I have no idea how to go forward. Work starts on Monday and I’m gonna have to be happy. can’t really be depressed around little kids. I’m scared. So scared to move on. I worked for a summer camp and did horrible, the lady implied that I shouldn’t be working with kids, yet here I am. All the jobs I have lined up for the fall are with kids. […]
I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this life. Wake up everyday and deal with the same things. I have learned recently what people really think about me. And I don’t want to be here anymore. I want the pain to end. I want this constant ache to just be gone. If I just end my life, my suffering ends and people can finally be happy. I’m useless to people, I don’t think anyone would really miss me. People would go through the motions of missing me but really, I just think they would go grieve me for the acceptable time and […]