So around a year ago I was the worst I think I’ve ever been, I was covered in cuts, barely eating, throwing up everything I did eat and overdosing around 3 times a week. I lost my friends and my family were just ashamed of me. I was kicked out of college and lost my job. I attempted recovery for around 8 months after coming out of a short stay in hospital, but now, just as I thought it was all getting better, I can’t stop thinking about suicide. The only person I’ve ever truly loved decided it is possible to be totally 100% in […]
I thought I was doing good by not saying that as often on public forums. It’s natural to blurt it out every 10 minutes though. Sometimes the feeling creeps up behind me and forces me to shutter my head neck and shoulders, then the words come out.
When I say I hate my life.. it means I hate where my life has come from, where it left me and where I know it will keep leading me. I don’t hate the world even though that comes out sometimes too. I don’t hate people even though there is so much evil out there. I feel I’m […]
Ah god I am stupid….it hurts so much ….
I figured out too late that I don’t want to die ._.
What am I doing in here and not going to go call 911? Easy I’m too much of a retard and coward who would rather die I guess than seek help ….man I’m stupid.
I swallowed twenty Tylenol pills and even though I tried taking myself out of it I still did it …. I’m so stupid god I’m stupid.
I’m so tired and I feel so icky and ugh….my head hurts….my stomach hurts too. I tried puking them out and yet again […]
Greetings, people.
Here I am again. After months of inactivity and facing the world I’ve found that I’ve wound up on this site again. I thought that I might have been able to focus on work and get my head off from my own negativity. But it never works. Time and time again I find myself coming back to the same conclusion – I have nothing to live for. Others might have people who love them, or a lifelong passion, or an unfulfilled wish. It might just be true that I have given up on life itself, and my contemplating of it only furthers my sorrow. […]
One thing that helps me get through the day is. Is listening to music through my head phones. Music has helped me get through many dark parts of my life that I thought I would never get through. Pretty much anything except classical I listen to.
What is one thing you do to help you get through the day?
I am spiraling. I am breaking. I am fucking losing it. My mind doesn’t stop. The pain doesn’t stop. I want to scream and tear my hair out and cut my skin to shreds. I haven’t cut in years, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I just need to stop the hurt. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have no control? I wish I could die in my sleep. Be hit by a bus. Have an aneurism blow up my head. I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop. Please make it stop.
My life, in a run down, boring, memory encasing, hell hole, will soon be over. My friends greater than anyone before are taking me out of this place. I’ve lost so many people here, my family, lovers, and some great friends but now I can see it coming to a close. I can’t wait to say Fuck this place, and now go live, have a new beginning. My arm is messed up and my head and body are screaming for this now. I know this is a beginning to something better. I love you, my family, I love you Cristina, I love my friends here, […]
So i had the most terrifying nightmare last night…. I’ll spare you the gory details, but one thing i will say is my dad was the pain mart of it. He kept attacking me, abusing me, both verbally and physically, he was literally torturing me…it was the worst thing i’ve ever experienced dream wise…. And he kept telling me over and over… “Just kill yourself. Just commit suicide. Do it.” Again, and again, and again. And whereas in most dreams/ nightmares i can wake up, this one was a never ending torture. I woke up sweating, shaking uncontrollably, and crying. It was the worst thing […]
On my wrists and at my feet,
My containment, now complete.
To hell they say, will be my way –
Leaving dreams to fade away.
Hollow now, I sit and stare –
Recalling deeds that got me there.
I hope my friend will come to call,
Dressed for death and standing tall.
Ready now, I close my eyes –
My heart is slow and tranquilized.
Surrender now – the only way
I wait for him to call by day.
Late last night he left my bed,
And took the halo from my head.
An empty shell was left behind,
A pretty face without a mind.
I sit within my gilded cage,
The need has left to turn the page.
Crying out brings no […]
I feel as though i keep getting chases to “start over”… however i end up either back in the same place or missing where i was before. I feel like even though i have change of scenery all my baggage (especially of the emotional kind) always keeps me revisiting my past. I need to let go and move on. I dont belive in forgetting your past but for my case I dwell on it so much I need to completely push it back into the “vault” and only revisit the past when I have my head and life together; because right now I am just […]
Hello, I have severe migraines and headaches- headaches daily, migraines every several months or so and they last for usually one to two or three weeks. I’m a fire Tech student but because of my migraine I haven’t been to class since two weeks ago. It hurts constantly and on top of that I dislocated my knee in class several weeks ago trying to advance a charged hose line.
At at this point everything hurts and becoming a firefighter seems to be looking less and less like a possibility. Today I’m likely to be kicked out of one of my classes for lack of attendance and […]
If we all think as the same, does that mean we don’t have a thoughts of our own?
Why? Why does my mind keeps poping these unwanted thoughts uncontrollably? Is someone controlling me? I’m not saying I’m in any way of an importance for anyone to give a shit about me, but what the fuck is going on in my mind? Within trillions of strange brain waves gashing inside of my brain, what exactly is going on inside of my head? I have terrible chest pain. How am I supposed to feel better or be ”alright” if I all I do is want to jump off of a cliff […]
It is hot and sunny out. 12:30pm. I hate feeling this way when it looks like that outside. When it’s daylight. Feeling suicidal in the sense that it’s more comforting to think about suicide then it is to think about how awful and worthless I am, but I’m not sure I would actually attempt something.
I got a new job. A real job. Real money. Real benefits. I should be ecstatic right now…and I was yesterday. So much so that my head was completely spinning with lists. Things I need to do. Things I need to buy. Things I need to be. Spin spin spin. I […]
I hurt all over. Im not sure why.but god its a shitty feeling and it just makes my head hurt more and that just intensifies the physical pain its like an endless loop of growing pain. And i just can’t sleep which makes it worse.
Idk everything about todays been overwhelming. It just makes me want to curl up and cry. That’s it really. Not much more to say than that.
I actually came on here tonight for the first time in a week or so to make a post about some stuff that’s happened lately in my life… and now my head is just too overwhelmed by the utterly repulsive tragedy that’s taken place today/tonight involving a really awesome person.
So instead of crapping on about my own troubles, I’m just gonna leave this post here so we can all maybe give a thought to that special person today/tonight, because this is their day now and they deserve to be remembered.
Rest easy.
Hi. I found this site last February by accident and have been popping in once and a while to check out posts. Today I decided to register. Why so? I’m not exactly sure. All I know is that I’ve tried two ways now to die, both have failed on numerous attempts. I’m seeing a psychologist and I’m on medication to control my anxiety problems and depression. I’m 4’2″ living with a type of dwarfism known as achondroplasia. I absolutely hate my body and luv carving it with pretty red sketches. There are voices inside my head and they aren’t all that pleasant. So Yeh, I’m […]
Things are still pretty bad inside my body. My head and heart hurt really bad, but not as bad. I want to go on Facebook and say I want to die, not because I’m planning suicide but because this feels really serious to me. But I don’t need a 72 hour hold and I think all the “buck up camper” replies I’ll get would make me throw up.
I’m frightened that I’m never going to be able to function at a job. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? I can’t keep giving my all over and over again only to […]
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]
I’m only 18. I shouldn’t be so worried about this. Why can’t I stop thinking about this? I’m so afraid that I’ll mess up when I do have a kid. I’m afraid that I’ll neglect it. I’m afraid I’ll care more about myself than I do my child. I’m afraid that my child will love its babysitter more than it’s mother. I’m afraid I’ll lead the child down a path it was never meant for. I’m afraid I won’t be the mother I could or should be. But it’s more than that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to have a child. I’m afraid I’m […]
i shouldnt have this much pain inside of me. i dont have it nearly as bad as other people. i have a loving mother, roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tum, a beautiful car, etc. yet i still feel broken inside. all because of her. why couldnt she love me again? why does she have to move far away and leave me here? she couldve made me the happiest man in the world. nobody will ever love her as much as i do. i cant take feeling this way. once shes gone and my mother passes, i will be empty, […]