In the past few months I slipped into a deeper than my usual constant state of depression and decided ‘that’s it, either I die or I stop living like this.’
I went to my doctor for sleeping problems and was prescribed Trazadone. It’s made me improve a noticeable amount, at least with sleep. I thought maybe I could get better, but what do I look up tonight? I want to kill myself. A third of my life’s been shadowed by depression and I’m tired. The second I got the prescription to the pharmacy I was looking up overdosing on it. Would I be easy, would […]
Tag:
my life
…and you’re just, appalled? Disgusted?
When I take a look at me – when I really look at myself, I don’t like who I am. I think I did at one point, back in high school, when things were easier. I was popular. I was lusted after. I was loved by my peers and teachers. I had them all fooled. I had myself fooled.
You could say I have an addiction. I cannot seem to shake this feeling that I will never, ever be content.
“Whore.”
“Pathetic.”
Why do I keep treating myself like this? Will I always feel this way? I need to forgive myself, accept that […]
Hi everyone, lately I’ve been thinking more and more about suicide. Over a year ago I met this guy who I feel in love with and after about 8 months I was told he had a girlfriend. Imagine the hurt and betrayal I felt by this. Sadly I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from him, it’s like he had some kind of control over me. I finally got to a place where I walked away from him for good about 5 months ago. I’ve been trying to better myself and move on with my life, I’m only 22. I’ve been trying to get back […]
This morning I woke up with a different mentality. I don’t know why, something just clicked inside my head. I don’t want to die. I still have things to do. People to meet. People to help. People to love. And I don’t want to miss out on that. Not now, anyway.
I’m not guaranteeing that I won’t ever end it, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m reconsidering for the time being. I don’t want you all to worry.
The people I have met on this site have changed my life forever. They have opened my eyes to the world […]
Just wondering if anyone here has ever been diagnosed with this. I was recently, and I wish I would have gotten help sooner for it, now it may be too late to try to change my life in a meaningful way. Over a year ago I went on some nonsensical manic rant on youtube and got the attention of all kinds of people, then I kept at it via ranting into search engines knowing my system was compromised and anything I wrote was being seen and pissed like the whole world off, not to mention the people i pissed off fanned the flames further. At […]
I thought I had finally found the perfect method. Tbh, I had in my time frame and with what I could get in possession of.
Yet destiny must have thought against my wishes and I was revived in time.
Last Friday night I injected just over 5mg of ithium methadone (not being a junkie, I missed my vien) swallowed approx 230mg of water dissolved fluoxetine cognitive mixture and a bottle of JD to try and OD.
I was in an induced coma for three days then in ICU at Redcliffe for two with breathing, feeding, etc tubes down my throat and needles sticking out of me everywhere. […]
I owe my life to you
you’ve helped me grow.
you kept me safe
on my darkest days, you were my light.
the last time I thought about taking my last breath, you were the one thing on my mind. I’ve always been vengeful, I’ve always wanted to see you suffer like you watched me – and I knew taking away something you cared about would hurt you more than anything.
two birds, one stone.
if I kill myself, it would kill you too.
but watching you smile –
hearing you breathe
makes me […]
It’s a double-edged sword and I’m balanced on its tip. I don’t want to be alive anymore, but I’m afraid to attempt suicide because I fear what would happen if I failed. So I hate myself anyway, and the fact that I am afraid to just end my life makes me hate myself even more because it shows me that I’m a coward.
a few weeks ago
i got into a fight with my sister
it was about telling my friends everything
and how supposedly that was super rude
and one time a friend called me
when i was at a family cabin thing
i went off and talked to her
she was in pain
i talked to her
i comforted her
then my sister said we were leaving
i didn’t hang up on my friend
I cared
i still care about her
and i couldn’t do that to her
when we got into the fight
she said it was rude to talk to my friend
i said that i cared about her so why not
Fucking why does my life have to be so fucked up I don’t even want to talk about it anymore like fuck I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!
I just never want to be looked at again
I don’t want to be spoken to or speak myself!
This life has won the game already and it’s just pulling me along for more pain to be felt!
Quit fucking around and let me get hit by a car or truck tomorrow!
@$&%#%#&$&@#%
my family is the reason why i just wanna disappear from the world.
they aren’t nothing but stupid selfish ass people, who could care less about you!
they fuck everything up. i can’t stand to be around them. they ruined my life pretty much
“You’re only 22, suicide is not the answer. Tons of life left ahead.”
Its easy for someone to say when they can’t fully understand what your going through, how you feel, or how you think. The suffering that goes on inside consistently. Its easy for people to say that suicide is the easy and selfish way out when they just don’t understand. Does it hurt to think about how much you would be putting your friends and family through when you decide to end your own life? Of course, but they can never truly get the pain and suffering that goes on internally.
I’m fortunate enough to […]
So we’ve been assigned our first real assignment in English, and it’s to write a descriptive-narrative essay about a personal feeling or perspective that we have had that has changed through time. The only thing that I can think of is how I used to be a happy person, then I became a depressed and potentially suicidal cynic.
Personal essays have always been the hardest for me, because I honestly hate describing who I am. I also worry about whether or not my essay should meet the desires of my teacher. He likes witty, humorous writings. If he reads mine, I feel like he’ll contact […]
Is it sad that the only reason I’m still living is for my pets?
Is it sad that I steal my mothers pain medication?
Is it sad that I sleep with a football player who I have no feelings for?
Is it sad that whenever people ask me if I’m okay I avoid the question?
Is it sad that every day I dream about ending my life?
Is it sad that the only response I give people is “I don’t care”?
Is it sad that I’ve drawn everyone away?
Is it sad that my father doesn’t even know how to spell my name?
Is it sad that I’m so desperate for help that […]
Not entirely sure how or what to write on here. This is a huge gamble for me as I’ve never talked to anyone about how I truly feel everyday. I guess it’s my fear of constantly being judged and viewed as “weak”. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age; about 12 or so. Unfortunately society was a lot less educated on the subject and it was just chalked up to “hormones” and “puberty”. I’ve always been incredibly shy and quiet and I was consistently bullied throughout all my childhood. I’m of mixed race and grew up in a small predominately “white” town so I […]
Hello readers/posters:
I am new to this board. Honestly, I never knew such a place existed (I guess I am less imaginative than I once thought). I found you by doing searched for methodology in suicide, which I will not share here per the guidelines and strictures of this site.
Short story of why:
I lost the joy and love of my life recently. No, not due to death. Worse. She found someone else and walked out. I was caught wholly unaware. The rage and sorrow and loss are too much.
I am not a successful man. I have a low-end job at a local donut shop. Hardly where […]
I’m done. I’ve really tried hard over the past three years to save myself but I just can’t do it. My psychiatrist abandoned me (yes, she did). Long story. I just can’t take it anymore. She was the last person in my life who believed in me. Clearly, she doesn’t believe in me anymore. I’m done with this life. I don’t have the strength to fight this anymore. I have a busy week so I need all my energy to go into my death… preparing instructions for my mom to care for my cats, writing goodbye and f*** you letters to people, cleaning my house so […]
it all started when i was 11 my dad passed away, after living a rich life my family lost all there money and we lived in poverty.
my mother has bipolar and after my dad passed away she spent all of the money on things we did not need.
I fell in love with a girl at age 15 and her parents hated my guts because my family is not rich and they are, because i loved the girl so much i tried my best to become a young successful entreprenuar so i opened up a little cell phone shop to prove to her parents that i […]
gotta wait for my package then after Saturday four days off so shouldn’t have interruptions unless my stupid parents decide to send me to the stupid hospital. then i have to wait a few weeks till my dad goes in vacation I’ll use his garage. I hate ryans stupid dad he took away the one thing I had that ever made me happy and brain washed him and made him crazy. the only thing I have are my cats and I can’t even take care of them because I’m crazy. I’m stuck here all alone because his stupid dad took him from me I have […]
So, nothing has really changed since my original post of the same name. I have been taking college, mainly for personal than for getting a career since I am pretty much unemployable. As of recent I told my mom when I got out of the military that I was going to eat myself to death, and 8 years later, a month ago my doctor told me that what I am eating is killing me. So perhaps a self fulfilling prophecy? So about the bullying well, for example college won’t do me any good, because society likes to kick people when they are down, if you […]