I lived my life as a child who had big dreams. I wanted to be a teacher or a doctor because that’s what kids my age wanted to be at the time. Life outside was great,but coming home was never any fun. There were times when I enjoyed being home. Other times I wish I had a place to run to. Four years go by and every single day of those years were awful. What still brings me tears is when on July 5th I told myself “This was beautiful day”. From then till now I haven’t had a beautiful day. I became a druggie […]
So it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. I’ve started cutting again, continued to purge and restrict, and also binge. I’ve been depressed for two years… I might not commit suicide just this second, but soon I will end my life. I’m not sure when I will finally break and not be able to handle it anymore. Nobody notices that I’m not okay.
Nobody notices the sadness in my eyes.
Nobody hears the voices in my head
Nobody notices the vomit in the toilet.
Nobody notices the cuts on my skin.
Nobody notices the stash of laxatives.
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
I know what your thinking , I’m so young I have a life ahead of me. I don’t. My childhood was tossed between my divided parents who hurt each other by hurting me. My stepfather hit me , my mom told me she wished I had never been born. Then when I was 15 I moved in with my dad and his wife thinking that they wanted me me because they loved me , they just wanted to stop paying child support. I was alone I had a few friends , but then he came into my life, my boyfriend I had found a reason […]
My name is Randall Edwards and I am here because when I was 17 I google searched the words “I want to disappear” and found this site. I am now nineteen and I am suicidal because I am alone. I am away from my friends so much now that a part of me feels like I’m meeting them again for the first time when I see them. Tomorrow I’ll be seeing my best friend tomorrow for the first time in roughly a month and […]
I’ve been wanted to end my life even at a young age because of the loneliness I felt inside my heart. I use to get bullied when I was young and I was pushed around with no one to help me. I barely made friends because they found me weird and ugly. I made some a few years before high school who were good people but none could ever understand me. I always felt misunderstood and hopeless. High school was the worst time of my life for freshmen and softmore year. I couldn’t stand school and I felt so lonely I even just felt the urge […]
After so many years, probably 8, I really can’t believe things will get better. The joy I used to have is gone. I just get through my days. I can’t picture how it will ever get better. And it’s not for lack of trying. I try so hard. I keep trying new ways to feel better. Everyone thinks I’ve got it all together. But every day, I think about how much easier it would be to not keep trying. I can’t imagine I could do this life for 40 more years. And I’m well aware that a lot of people have it worse off than […]
I’ve wasted much of the past fourteen years being lost in the pain of losing someone I cherished more than anyone. Some of you have seen the details puked out here on SP and I won’t go into them again – suffice it to say I gave my life to someone who decided it was more in their best interest to dump me in the gutter and run off with a child molester.
I’ve not had any contact with her for several years, at which time she got in touch with me for reasons still unknown. I made it clear I knew all the secrets, even […]
Tomorrow will be my last day here. I Have purchased all my supplies for the Helium bag method. Thank you all for your posts and comments. The information on this site has been very helpful. I am not terminally ill but I have ruined my life. I have hurt everything that I loved in this world. I am ready to leave so I can stop hurting those I love. I have two young children and a beautiful wife, all of which I have hurt. Good Bye
Hi, I’ve never posted on a site like this before about how Im feeling or doing with things. Idk if anyone will read my crap on here or not. Doesnt really matter. I feel empty inside. I have no energy, no strength, no anything to do anything. I force myself to go to work. When I’m there, I’m better, but i’ve been getting worse lately. Ive had to hold my stomach throughout the day because I hurt so much. My emotional pain has become physical. Dunno where to start. how bout, I have always had depression and suicide as a way side thought. Moved to […]
I was born in California. I am 23 years of age. I’ve never had a real relationship with any guy. When I was young I was rapes by my own family member. I’ve never been allowed to go out at nights. They raised me indoors, except going to school. I do not work, I don’t have a car or a boyfriend. I see people being successful while I’m still stuck at my parents house doing nothing except playing video games. I’m not pretty, I’m fat. I have ugly toes and a belly that looks like it has been squish. I’ve been thinking of taking my […]
I’m 23/female – Born with the name “jamie-ann”
I catch myself in these dazes often now,
I think about how I want to Kill myself,
how much will it hurt? who would really feel “loss”
I run from all my problems instead of talking to others about them
because why let them inside right?
I left my husband because I could no longer find the joy in seeing him
walk through the door after work, this illness is destroying my life
and quiet frankly i’m not even sure if it’s a life anymore.
this is day 5 of being in bed, i’m pretty sure I was fired from my […]
I’m tired these muscles spasms n my anxiety makes it worse I feel like dying every day I want this pain to end my whole.body hurts I’m everything I do to make myself relax n try n get better it sucks nothing help pills or cream or this pain it feels like my body is going hunchback n shit it really hurts n want to get surgery but doctor needs more info from.my scans I have to take n I can’t stand still arm muscles feel so bad I’m getting worse I’m.any better I want stop this I’m hopeless can I call it quits I […]
its been a few months since iv been on! but is it wrong for one person love 2 ppl at the same time?
iv been in love with my ex for almost a year now. but iv cut all connections with him. cuz he leads me on and ditches me all the time
but there is something i get over him.
and the guy I’m with currently treats me like a queen.
but my ex has saved my life from my trying to kill myself but then he always makes me want to do it.
almost a year ago i got raped
so many ppl […]
Well, that could almost be the story of my life.
But I’ve never been much of a drug addict.
I’ve taken a lot of crap from people and kept my mouth shut.
Now I want to take some shit to shut up the crap in my head (see what I did there?)
The stuff is called N, it comes in powdered form, it was not purchased for this purpose.
I get unbelievably lonely and bored as I don’t have a job or many mates to hang with.
I’m like the 60’s housewife popping pills to get through her day.
I need to man (woman?) up and do stuff with my life, but […]
I just got done watching The Last SOng, which is a total tear jerking… im in love with this movie and the message it sends. My mom is a cancer patient, she has a type of Leukemia. Ive wasted so much time with her, ive been rude, not understanding, really selfish, and at any moment her health could turn for the worth and she could be gone from my life. SHe is the one person who I could literally not live without, she is MY rock she is my everything and i dont think ive told her enough just how much i really love her. […]
iam a 27 year old male…at the age of 21 my mother (who had divorced my father when i was 9) eloped with a man i had never met and left me with no where to go…i ended up roomating with a guy that was a drug addict and had a mental problem..i became greatly depressed as i was already suffering from social anxiety..and fell into heavy drinking..i would drink almost everyday…and i couldnt stop..this went on for years until i had a nervous break down at the age of 26 and i was put on to anti psychotic medications which i take every night…(alot […]
I’ve stayed away from this website for some months now I was trying to make things in my life better but I was kidding myself I’m no much better then I was 2/3 months ago. my self-worth my soul are damaged and they are unrepairable I’m lost and homesick for a place that dose not exist I’ve tried to get on with life for my loved ones I’ve pretended to be well I cart stand to break my mothers heart anymore I don’t wont to hurt her and i know suicide is a permanent solution and they do say its for a temporary problem but […]
Tonight is awful. I’m close to tears, I feel very alone and unwanted. For the first time in months, I’ve actually considered hurting myself. I know that won’t help, but it’s so tempting. Since losing my therapist and many friends 3 weeks ago, I fell back hard into my already bad depression, making things worse.
I have no clue what to do anymore. I question myself. Am I good? Does my past make me bad? Am I loveable? School gets under my skin. Also, my impending birthday is looming over me like a giant, and my past is a scary dark forest around me.
I’m just lost. […]
Yeah, that’s right. You heard me. You’re beautiful. No matter what you think, you are. If no one has told you that today, then I will. Because you are. Sometimes it just takes the help of someone else to see that.
Today I was feeling pretty down this morning. It took the help of a friend to pick me up again. I suffer from depression and earlier this spring, I suffered my worst episode yet that ended with me calling the Suicide Hotline at twelve in the morning. Needless to say, I found out that there weren’t any actually resources to help me in my local […]