all of my life i have felt really dumb and i didnt know what to do.it got worst in fifth grade people bullied me and made fun of me i really didnt understand why… until one day i couldnt take it anymore thats when self harming came in…. for three full years i have self harmed and it is very hard to stop. i finally 3 months ago.i never have ben this happy.all of my life…… i was a depressed little girl until 3 months ago.im set free. finally i know why i was depressed because of my past and what i have seen.from a […]
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my life
Somedays I just feel like finally doing it. Just swallowing that bottle of pills on my nightstand or climbing onto my room and diving head first into my concrete driveway, maybe taking a kitchen knife a locking myself in my bedroom ..sliding it vertically down my wrist. My life is an endless circle of nothingness.
Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, grab backpack, jog to bus stop, go to my seat, arrive at school, go to homeroom, go to 1st period, go to 2nd period, go to lunch, go to 3rd period, go to 4th period, get on bus, walk home, eat, do homework, get online, […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
I dont know if i should end my life because their happy moments but sad moments in my life. Sad moments for me is when i get bad grades and school is so stressful or the times I hate my parents for doing unfair things. For happy moment is going to the movies with mom because thats the time where we actually bond and laugh and I love those precious moments.
I’m too scared to kill myself. I’m afraid that I’ll fail, and end up screwed in some way. I don’t have much to live for, with a family that cares to much about the unimportant stuff but doesn’t care about what matters and friends that lie to me and try to make me jealous of them, and social anxiety that’s almost crippling.
My dad left my mom and I when I was 3. She found a guy when I was 8, and at first he wasn’t so bad. Now, he blames me for everything, even stuff I didn’t know about. He forces me to clean everything […]
Just sinking so low. I haven’t written in my journal (which I’ve kept since I was 15) since that night. that fact in itself scares me. I don’t want death, I’m certain of it, not when my head is clear. But I just urt so bad, nearly every morning I wake up and brace myself for the wave of misery, hope it’ll be over fast and won’t keep welling up on and off all day.
I am… no nice way to put it, I am a failure. I’ll be 29 tomorrow. I ave never been able to have a relationship in my life: just the […]
I want to go home. I don’t understand anymore. My life is full of happiness and love, I have everything I could ever want, I like who I am. I am strong in my religion, I have lots of friends and lots of people that love me. Why am I considering suicide? I’m on medication and I go to therapy. Why am I still anxious and depressed? I’m so scared. I don’t remember how to be happy. The thought of killing myself scares me, why am I still tempted? I wish I knew how to fix this. Right now, it seems killing myself is the […]
Life is messed up that has been pretty obvious to me, yet I still find myself hurt about it. I don’t know why I hope why I even care? I’m slowly shutting down, I care less and less about any and everything.This year has been the worst of my life thus far, I’ve lost so much and there is this aching pain inside. I lost family and friends and a significant other all in a matter of months back to back. There is literally nothing left in me not a damn thing I wouldn’t care if my own family died if what little friends I […]
I’m quite isolated from other people my age; I’m shy and feel uncomfortable around other people quite easily. I never go out and do things with friends. I have casual friends who i talk to at school, I have no real “good” friends who i regularly see out of school.
I used to get depressed quite a lot, mostly last year though. I haven’t really felt depressed in two almost two months now, though suicidal thoughts are a constant threat.
I am almost finished school, and I catch up with friends most days. But once I get home or they leave, I just feel empty. […]
I hate my arms. I’m covered in scars. I smile and pretend I’m totally fine, I laugh and I joke. Among my friends I’m the one who cheers them up, gives the best advice, makes them laugh. Do they genuinely feel close to me? I don’t feel close to them. I don’t really feel close to anyone. I can’t let people in.
I was doing a good job of it recently, I was opening up. Light was shining a little in my life. Just a teeny bit. I pined for years. I pined and I pined and I pined. Finally last year I realized my pining […]
Love is beautiful. It gives you a reason to live. Just go out there and give….. It feels awesome.
Its hard when you don’t really have anyone to turn to, it can be a lonely existence
Over the last year, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when I’m around the people in my life, because I know they are no longer interested in what I have to say, or how messed up I feel, but I guess I can’t blame them, but the one thing that makes me angry is when they say ‘I know how you feel’ or ‘I’ve been through the same thing’ its not a competition but if each person suffered the same, one treatment would work for everyone
Lately I’ve formed […]
I have offically liquidated all assets. Erased all memory of my existance. What I leave behind are peoples memories, and a beautiful child. I’m The last of 5, I was ignored. Made my existance and recognition on my time. I seriously lived life to my fullest. It has now collapsed after 18 yrs. For months ive debated how. No one is going with me, seriously, not my style. Ive lived alot and had a lot ive called my own. With no serious plan for the future other than day by day, I realize my error. We choose who we are. I lived in secrets and […]
it’s scary
not knowing what’s on the other side
not knowing how the exit will go
some claim to know the answer
but they profess their belief and not a fact
in my mind it swirls
will i be in pain?
will i linger?
i imagine all black on the other side
no feeling, no emotion, no individual consciousness
there’s no joy or accomplishment or love
but there’s no fear or pain or anger either
i would make that trade
the grass does seem greener on that other side
am i wrong?
can i do better for myself over here?
the neutrality of death is appealing
on this side i’m a pessimist
over there it’s not possible
while all of experience might be expressed […]
These thoughts might be just temporary. They might not be. But I’m really mad. So what’s the point of living if I’m just doomed to be under my annoying ass parents for a very big chunk of my life that matters to me? Here’s the thing I have these really big ideas to become more and more independent from them but they won’t let me go through with them. They think they know better than me but they don’t. They think I have no idea what I’m talking about but that’s a load of bullshit. I’d rather take away my own life then be with […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
I quit. I can’t save people, I can’t talk to people, I can’t love people right, I can’t do it. I’m done.
Fuck everything. Fuck the images replaying in my head. Fuck my fucked up choices.
And no matter how much love and care you give to people they’re going to chew you up and shit you out. They never take you serious enough. There’s a quote I read….”A lot of you cared, just not enough.”
I’m going to start cutting everyone off now. It saves me the pain later. And this God I’m supposed to believe in knows I’m tired of it. Done being strong for everyone […]
Thats is, im going to kill myself. And my mother is to blame, she has made my life so miserable that i cant even take it anymore. They always think im lying an im not, they make me not even want to talk to them , then when i dont talk to them, i get in trouble, so im never going to have even a day that im not in trouble. Im going to just explode. My soul is chipping away from the world and my life is worth nothing more than dirt. My heart cant take this emotional roller coaster, im going […]
Ok so I’m 27, I live in the UK, so there’s no guns (would be my preferred way) anyways my life is so bad, I have an extreme foot fetish where it replaces all normal sexual preferences, I only find the feet sexy, girls legs, butts, etc mildly attractive but not proper arousal.
This is causing me huge stress as I can’t have normal sex with a girl without feet, it’s caused two girls to leave me, & now there’s one girl I’m in love with who loves me back & definitely wants to get shagged but I know she hates feet & would be extremely […]