Somedays I just feel like finally doing it. Just swallowing that bottle of pills on my nightstand or climbing onto my room and diving head first into my concrete driveway, maybe taking a kitchen knife a locking myself in my bedroom ..sliding it vertically down my wrist. My life is an endless circle of nothingness.
Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, grab backpack, jog to bus stop, go to my seat, arrive at school, go to homeroom, go to 1st period, go to 2nd period, go to lunch, go to 3rd period, go to 4th period, get on bus, walk home, eat, do homework, get online, and sleep.
That’s my day hell even my year. All that it is
3 comments
This is temporary. There is more to life. We came here to repair the broken world but found ourselves broken in the process. Don’t give up. You came to share profound love with the hurting world and help transform. You have the capacity for much love, you feel so intensely. But love is not a feeling but a choice. Make the choice to love others who hurt, even in the depths of your own despair, and you will find yourself healing in the process. It is amazing. You know the universal law that whatever we give comes back to us 10 fold? Put your focus on giving love and helping someone else heal and it will return to you exponentially. Sow into others and you will reap much love beauty. That is what I am doing right now. I came on this site because I was feeling so hopeless and miserable and found myself so moved by people’s pain here that I wanted to be an encouragement and support. And in encouraging you I am feeling more encouraged too. Bless you. May you find peace and know love.
Being deadened to life is a horrible way to live, like a robot, from day to day. I hope you find a way to change this some day. I know how you feel. It took me decades, but I changed it, or perhaps ‘it’ changed.
While this is all fine and dandy in biblical gospel and karma speeches it is not reality. The world is a series of unpredictable events. You can give love till your blue in the face and karma may never knock on your door.
What you are referring to is the repetitive grind of current daily societal life. In these times we live; generally life is more easy going that in mankinds past.
The problem with this easy-kushy lifestlyes is that they are extremely repetitive and boring. All sense of exploration, danger, adventure was lost when we stopped killing animals, traveling in tribes and now reside in cities and towns. The typical job is 9-5 for life, working for some schmoe your whole life who doesnt give a jack about you. Only to waste 70% of your entire life from 18-65 doing this crap; all for just paper.
Its a waste of life — well if you’re not enjoying it atleast. If you love your 9-5 job then its not a waste but for most it is.
Then the fact you live in one spot, one city, one plot of land for most of your life in a huge world is a waste.
You seem like you’re becoming “aware” of this which doesnt seem to bug a lot of people; but like me it does for you.
The only advice is to make a change by taking action. Get extremely successful in something that seems important to you and roll with it. Travel, etc.
I would even prefer a 20 year stride of hookers, drugs, and fun over 40 years of 9-5 suffering.
Life is qualitative not quantitative