It took me awhile to realize that I only ever come on this site when ever I’m down. I wish I could come here just ONCE and say “hey am doing well ” and I though that I was.. I think I’ve been doing good. I mean I haven’t been cutting my self. But am sad all the time. A while back I was sitting in my room cutting my self in the dark. And my mom walked in. So I took the razor and shoved it under my pillow and all she did was. Sat on the bed. Pulled me into her […]
Tag:
my life
.Lately I’ve been noticing a reoccurring theme in my life; never getting put first. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember in all aspects of my life. Whether it be involving friendships, relationships, family matters it’s always the same. Just once it would be nice if someone would put me and my well being first as their top priority and take into consideration my feelings and care about me. It’s really sad how I’m constantly looked over and everyone assumes I’m fine and no one seems to care about how I’m doing or feeling.
Days like today I look at my life and all the things that lead me to this point and I want to cry. Why me, why couldn’t I just be left to be happy with the one thing I wanted the most in this world? Happiness to me is like a high feeling like living in a fantasy, why couldn’t I just be left alone to live out that fantasy? But no reality had to step in and make itself known, and after that it was all ruined.Everything is changing and it is a permanent change, an inevitable change. I want to cry I want […]
today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]
Disclaimer: I wrote this while contemplating suicide.
I wish I believed in God. If I did, perhaps I would be afraid of death. But death does not scare me; that is half the problem. If it did, I would be less likely to welcome it.
I love every one I spent my life up until now with, and gave so much of my time to. I don’t regret a thing.
If I ever were to leave this world, I’d want everyone to be happy – I want you all to know this.
If there was an end point, and I had no other option, I would leave peacefully.
tonight is my last night. i’ve already said goodbye and I’m sorry to my mom. but she refuses to accept it. i told her to make sure my note is read by all the people it concerns. she’s in disbelief. my father doesn’t allow me to be upset.
i can’t live with him. it will only be arguing and fighting forever. nothing will get better. and i can’t live without him.
I’m going to see my grandparents one last time tomorrow.
im in the middle of drafting my note. i want to make sure i say everything i need to say.
I’ve tried everything. there […]
The word ‘MoM’ doesn’t only mean the person who held me nine months but let me say ‘ my doctor, my teacher , my best friend and of course my soul. Mommy if you could just see my heart , i will show you the love I have for you and your name ‘Khadijah’ craved in my heart.
I do believe in love from first sight? Do you know why mommy?! It is because since I was born and opened my eyes I saw you and loved you .Years past […]
A vast majority if my life as been spent sedate. Â This may seem like a bad thing. Perhaps it has stifled my coping mechanism. Either way the reality I the situation is this. when I was 16 I attempted Suicide. My parents foun me my stomach was pumped an I spent 9 weeks in the mental ward at the hospital, as long as another 5 months at a day treatment program. Truthfully at that time I wanted help. it seemed to me the more that I tried to use the services around me. The worse I really was, or the worse the people overseeing me […]
i am over 50 years old and depressed i am out of work broke sleeping on a pile of sponges in my mothers covered driveway i’ve never married have no kids, i have no money and i really just can’t continue living like this. most things i read online suggest getting medical attention immediately, however having zero funds makes this an impossibility. is it reasonable the solution to my situation be to end my life?
I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?
scared nobody will like me
scared to be alone
scared more people i love will die
scared my life will get worse
scared people wil see my scars
how can i not be affraid
I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up […]
I’ve started watching anime lately. It’s really captured my mind and makes me zone out. I love it, the Japanese have a way of writing stories in a way you are bound to feel connected too it. The problem however is that my life looks bland and boring now..
I wish I was part of some show. The daily drag of living feels like I’m being tied up to a car and towed face down. I can’t even make myself content with desolving in daily routines anymore.
I’M SICK OF THIS SHIT!
Wow, I haven’t been on here in forever…my life has definitely changed for the better. But, lately…I’ve been extremely down and I just seem more irritated with absolutely anyone/everything. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and depression, but I think the bi-polar is what causes the depression part..my life is alright, but something within me is missing. I have no excitement for life really and society just keeps getting more shitty. I don’t trust a lot of people, and the older I get, it seems the more and more I turn away from being a people person. Genuine people are hard to come across these […]
It’s always on my mind to end my life.. I was in a really bad accident that caused permanent brain damage.. I can not remember many things now.. I know my daughters bday is Halloween but I have to do the math to know what year she was born. I suffer from horrible pain.. Migraine headaches, throw up blood, I use to be able to do so much now I can hardly do anything 🙁 Life without health is no life at all.. I tried to end my life I took 80 Xanax & every other medication I can get my hands on. I woke up […]
I just don’t see how things will get better… I have screwed up my life and continue to let others do the same. It’s like I don’t have a backbone. That makes me feel like even if my circumstances change instantly, I will still be screwed up. I’ve lost everything. I’ve had so much stolen from me – literally. I have family that thinks it’s ok to mooch off of me – literally and mentally, and they are totally delusional about it. They have been totally dependent on me since I was a little girl. I’m surprised that I’m not on drugs. I went to […]
someone help me out. i feel so mad and depressed all the time.  my mom Gets into these fits of rage and when she is mad , I’m her main target.  My brothers and sisters never get into trouble, And they’d probably kill me if they had to. The last time they hot into a fight with me , after that i sat in the corner with my grandma’s old doll.😓😓I probably must sound like a  baby, but its feels really depressing to me and Im to the point of cutting and/or  killing myself . It’s like nothing is happy or fun anymore, if I […]
I am sick of this world. I have so many great things In my life, so many great people but I can’t appreciate them, I can’t even be happy with them, i only cause them pain, so why do I deserve to be here? I see a therapist, he put me on antidepressants and sleeping meds, I hate taking those pills, makes me feel like I’m crazy, everybody asking me how I am, like a child.
My friends are starting to get fed up, they say they arnt but I’m not stupid, I can tell, I am throwing it all away. My family don’t know me […]
I hate myself as a person. so many people make posts about how they’re so angry and so mad at everyone for ruining their lives… not me. I can’t blame anyone for any major bad things in my life… I’ve had it good.
The thing is, I ruined my own life. But you wouldn’t know it to look at it from the outside in. I have a good paying job, happily married, siblings/parents/grandparents all in my life. I don’t deserve my wife or other things in my life, but I’m a naturally flawed and ungrateful person so while I realize I don’t deserve them, that doesn’t […]
As of today I am 70 days clean of self harm. Its been really hard for me. But these past few days its been the hardest, especially today. I thought I was done with that part of my life . But then again that’s what I said last time.