Her head rises and falls with each breath I take, and perhaps it’s fitting considering the fact that without her I might never have taken those breaths. Her long, dirty blonde hair is pulled back in a simple braid, and I’m eternally grateful. It allows me an uninterrupted view of her beautiful face, which I have grown to so adore. I feel I am unworthy of having this beauty at such close hand, and to have it all to myself is incomprehensible. Her lips draw my eyes and I remember the feeling of pressing mine against them. The way that it felt as though the […]
Tag:
my life
At this point I’m trying to find a way of telling my mum I want to leave I can’t take it no more I guess I found the love of my life and I sabotaged the relationship by cheating on her I didn’t want my kids to come from a broken home now they have iv become everything I feared why do men cheat ? Why do we get tempted so easily? just the thought of her loving someone else is killing me let alone another person raising my kids the emotional pain is far worst then the psychical pain love really dose hurt I’m […]
I’ve been sleeping through the past few weeks since the new semester began. Last semester i slept through the last 2 months of term and i scraped through my exams, but since then i just dont have the energy or the discipline to work. And it’s kind of funny because what happens to those of us who don’t want to work? Do we just go homeless and starve on the streets? If it comes to that, i’ll make a point of dying on my own, out of the way, in the wilderness somewhere.
Every time i feel this complete and utter lack of hope, a level […]
I barely have any energy to type this right now. Im totally dejected. I turned 26 last week, and think Im ready to go buy a gun. I dont even know where to begin. My acne scars have totally destroyed my cheeks, my relationships, my family, my job, my entire life. Ive always held hope that things like lasers, and peels would make a difference. But after working my ass off, showing the world my deep scars to save thousands for these treatments, a year later the improvement is minor. Im right back where I started and theres no hope of it getting any better. […]
A lovely post concerning a girl. Had you goin’ for a bit there, didn’t I?
by thelost
written by thelost
In the beginning there was darkness, and that seemed like all there would ever be. Then something amazing happened. A massive burst of light lit up all of existence while simultaneously creating it. In my case, the darkness would be my life. Not chaos, and there was no pain, but there was nothing to light it up, nothing to justify its existence. Then she came into my life, and it all became clear. I no longer feared the depths of myself, and I felt like the invisible hand that seemed to crush me from all sides loosened its grip. It was pure randomness, chaos that […]
Broken and empty. Only a book of memories and no life prospects. Fake smiles and a fake laugh that doesn’t even fool the deaf or blind. Through the motions of grainy and redundant. Isolation fills my heart and my life is unkind. I cease to exist not to take my own light. If depression sets in it is an option, I might.
I discovered this site (thankfully) after a dear friend committed suicide. He was a godly man with a beautiful family and an extremely profitable business. I was looking for some kind of clarity and understanding. I have been throughout my life suicidal, but never acted on it; probably because I fear hell and at first, I had to spare my grandparents. Now, I do not wish for my 3 daughters to suffer.
I was prompted tonight to type this post, because my mom will be called upon this week to decide if Pop, my stepdad, should have all forms of sustenance withheld. He suffers from vascular […]
Tomorrow I will attempt suicide for the second time. The first time was basically a joke as I had no idea what I was doing. Since then I have dedicated months to finding an effective method and I think I have.
Tonight I will be setting up a series of delayed emails that I will schedule to be sent out to people sometime next month.
Looking forward to going out the same way I have spent the majority of my life. Alone.
My mom’s friend that she works with is actually closer to my age and it turns out she went through same thing with student loans that I have and she owed the school money too. She even dropped out of school for the same reason as me since she has depression too and she has scars on her arms too.
I owe the school over $4,000 since I dropped out plus student loans. It turns out that if I pay the collection agency 5% of that $4,000 they will turn it over back to the college and if I pay payments on it for 9 months […]
hey guys..for a few months i’ve been very depressed,i have no job and can’t find one because i have no exp,my girlfriend left me after 3 years,i have no friends only fake friends that care only about themselves,and i don’t know what to do…i tried everything possible,i looked for jobs,go to interviews,got busy all day,get out,think positive,read books to help with depression,nothing helps..my last choice is to kill myself but i don’t have the courage,i’m afraid i can’t do it and mess my life even more…i really need some advice..please
I thought I’d post what’s on my going on in the series of setbacks that is my life since I have no one else to talk to.
My car is having problems and it’s super old so I’d say it’s about done, and I don’t have the money to replace it. I had a nicer car before, but someone totaled it and openly admitted they knew the accident was their fault, they knew they were going to hit me and still hit me going 75 mph. His insurance had to cover that car, but the car title was in my dad’s name and my dad kept […]
really bring out the darkness inside me. I try so fucken hard to excel to be a better person in spite of all the fucked up things that are my life. I try to be more understanding, forgiving, helpful, kind but GOD WTF is the point?!!!! People abuse the fuck out of that!!! WHY!??? I’m tired of trying to be the exception of trying to be one of the good people left but it is truly exhausting and hard and I want to give in. Seriously fuck it I’ll just be a selfish asshole like everyone else in the world. I have feelings for someone […]
At this point in my life, I feel like I’m just overwhelmed with sadness. It’s genuinely at a point where I feel like I’m going to cry all the time because I’m just so intensely sad. All the joy of life has been beaten out of me inch by inch over my 41 years.
But it’s hit me really hard recently. My best friend was just dumped by her husband of 10 years for a younger woman, so I’ve been doing what a friend does and being there as much as possible for her. But part of her initial and possibly unhealthy reaction to this has […]
I just can’t find any reason to live anymore. I try to be grateful for what I have because I know thousands or even millions of people have it way worse than me, but I can’t realize what I have right in front of me. I’m on the verge of failing all of my classes and I’m slowly giving up on school as well as my life. I always think about how my life will be in the future if I don’t get my shit together now, like get my grades up and whatnot. However, I also think about how I could just end it […]
Ever since I was 13, I’ve had varying cycles of depression. They used to be pretty mild, nothing to make me want to do anything irrational. But my depression reached an all time high last year when I was 16, and I seriously consider suicide every day for a long time. The only reason I’m still alive is because I was too afraid of the physical pain.
The reason why my depression spiked was because I had found out that my best friend never had any trust in me at all and that she never really cared about me. I also began having confusion with my […]
I just don’t know anymore everyday seems to be more of a struggle how do people live years with suicidal thoughts ? I started having them like 4 years ago and last year I started to act on them in not afraid of dying no more I’m more afraid of living right now it’s kind of sad well I guess this is how my story meant to go and I’m ok with that I think in my life iv had more down days then up days and last year was the loneliest year of all and to be honest the loneliness is killing me more […]
The constant thought of ending my life is tearing me down. I wish to end it, but somehow I can’t.
The thought of suicide keeps coming back and slowly becomes stronger and stronger.
My friends and my family have abandoned me. I never bothered to look them up. Now I want to look them up, they don’t have time for me :'(
I don’t care anymore whether I live or die and now I am dealing with my survival instinct. I wonder when I will find the strength to finally end it all.
All the harassment cost me my friends and the people doing the harassing and stalking have […]
Hey.
I can’t tell the difference between what is ‘reasonable’ and ‘depressed’ most of the time. Has anyone ever read a journal entry years ago? How does it make you feel? When I was a teenager, I would look back a year or so and feel positively embarrassed.
If I look now, I feel something else. I don’t feel so many years prouder. I feel sadness, and resentment. I didn’t make it out.
Ah, typing this, I’m afraid I don’t sound much different at all.
Alright. Let’s get this out before I waste any more of your time. I’m a gay guy. If this upsets you, scroll […]
Was wondering if anyone one here has tried this before, kind of like running away I suppose.
I’ve had this idea now for a while and honestly I’m really wanting to go through with it.
I’m 17, failing college, deeply depressed, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life any more and some days it’s a miracle I am even here the next morning. For a while now I have had this idea in my head to pack my bag and leave a note to my family basically saying “Don’t look for me, I will find you when I’m ready.” After leaving home my plan […]
The other day I went for a haircut. I asked for a pixie. I told the stylist I wanted it longer in the back, with lots of layers. She gave me what looks like a boy’s haircut. It’s not feminine at all. I’m so dadgummed miserable with it! I hate it! This is to be my last haircut, as I will soon be making my exit. I had wanted my hair to look nice for that, as weird as it sounds. I was going to color it as well. (It’s mostly grey.) I’ve had many haircuts in my life where the stylist ignored my wishes. […]