Just tired of life. Tired of dealing with mindless sheeple out there. Tired of the world and its empty material pursuits. Tired of faking the funk when I obviously don’t give a shit about anything anymore. I am to mentally sick to do anything meaningful with my life. I have come to terms with my fate. Tired of family that only tells me to pray to mythical men in the sky as a remedy for my depressive state. Sick and tired of all that. I am going to pop 5 lethal pesticide pills and that will be it. I have always been looking for something […]
Tag:
my life
Tool has one of the most intelligent lyrics of any band I ever heard. The lyrics that jump out to me the most is “why can’t we not be sober, just want to start this over, why can’t we drink forever”…..then the next line is “why can’t we sleep forever”. – I can totally relate. I wanna drink forever and wish I could sleep forever. It’s a song that can have many different meanings in accordance with people’s personal experiences. It’s deeper than drug or alcohol addiction – for me, I want to just go and sleep forever. Being sober hurts because of my mental […]
6 months ago my best friend died. She had an asthma attack in the middle of the night. That is what put me over the edge. Before that my dad died in a car accident. When my best friend died my life spiraled. That same month I went to two other funerals. I started taking drugs to help me sleep. I had a short circuit. I blew up on my mom. I went to stay with my grandparents for awhile. I just feel like I’m being forgotten. At lunch my friends don’t notice if I’m not there, my family doesn’t mind that I hide in […]
Have you ever thought of yourself as pathetic. I have too many times. Here I am, good life, good parents and siblings, good house, good school, and yet, I lack soooo much willpower. Will. I just have no will. Why do people with such screwed up lifestyles and in such screwed up situations be so awesome with great personality, character, and drive and I’m just here… No drive. I’m just so pathetic. I wouldn’t commit suicide due to feeling guilty towards my parents, the people who have looked after me, and all the people trying so hard but in such screwed up situations, but seriously… […]
It’s a bit hard for me to put so much pain into words. But I’ll do the best I can to explain it.
I am not a strong person. I was never a strong person. And by many accounts, I have no right to complain about my lot in life. I’ve traveled to many places, never been physically abused, and I’ve had many things provided for me. I have a roof over my head, and a pantry full of food. My own bedroom to hide away and enough toys to drown my boredom. The simple distractions may work for a time but when you stop feeling, nothing […]
I have been depressed most of my life my first suicide was drinking 1lt of disinfectant at 8 years old and countless other poisonings. But recently i have started trying antidepressants but the doses have little effect. I’ve had up to 900g of venlafaxine a day for a few days now with 4g of risperidone with it and if I feel anxious or an attack is coming I can use quetiapine and with weed I am finally feeling better. There’s no confusion, rapid heart rate, sweating nor is there a high. I feel fine til it wears off
I’m just so tired at this point that I don’t know what to do with myself. Two days ago during my two best friends wedding to each other I ducked out early, filled my car with all my belongings and was about to drive off and burn it all. I had bought two propane tanks I had intended to rupture, and a jerry can full of premium gasoline (which for some reason seemed funny being that I only buy low-grade) which I had intended to pour on everything including myself. It was going to be a loud painful and grizzly death but that’s how I […]
I hate that I have to struggle to find reasons to get out of bed to pretend to be human. I’ve had so many traumatic experiences and have lost someone I love and every day is the same I’m always alone. The thing about suicide is it feels like I should stop wasting my time with a miserable humiliating life that no one would want. I often wonder if I’m genetically inferior because I’ve always gotten sick easily and have had depression since I was 11. I was supposed to die when I was born and I wonder if I’m being punished for still being […]
Hi,
My name is Stefan, I’m 31 years old.
I made many mistakes in my life and caused pain to a lot of people.
I’m absolutely sure I will end up in hell after committing suicide.
I would really like to talk to other people who know for sure they will end up in hell.
I’m blind, so most parts of this site are not accessible for me.
So please answer me by email.
My email address is: stefan@deds.nl
Best regards,
Stefan
Locked in prison with no escape,
keeping track of long lost days.
Where will my weary soul reside,
when there is nothing left inside.
Who will wait my painful soul,
whose actions make me a fool.
Can I ever live with myself,
or in darknesss dwell.
Can the light of truth free me,
or all alone will i ever be.
The fate of my life is long gone,
for I have done to much wrong.
yes, unfortunatly my love story ended before it even started.. i feel destroyed, depressed, dead.. in every possible way..i knew that i will end.. i didn’t want it of course but i knew it will happen..cause all my life i never had something so beautiful and amazing, before i met him.. we stayed together almost a year.. full of good things and bad ones, we had dreams like any couple, maybe ours were bigger, but all i know that we had that feeling between us, that feeling that no other word can describe it.. MORE THAN LOVE.. PASSION.. but we used to fight a […]
I have a heart disease since 2012 my life changed since I went to doctor. I love foot ball but he told me that I mustn’t touch a ball anymore or do any sports that exhaust me because I will die so after that I watched my friends do every thing they want except me. I accept that but in 2014 days passes and I cant sleep it was painful my heart very hurting me until now. I completed my high school this year. but my friends hate me they don’t say but they don’t want me to go out with them and when I […]
I will start with writing about my life and will start with sharing information about a period slighty before that I came to exist in this world. In this period of life my my father-to-be and mother-to-be were going through a rough period of their relationship and which was not stable and while most people with common sense would work on the relationship or choose to go seperateways I had a mother who had a very different plan and apparantly wanted to keep my father with her for reasons unknown to me and in order to achieve this she made a hole in the condom […]
The worst day was last week, seeing the guy I have loved so deeply and gave my all to go for the first girl who showed interest. Given the time to think, I really hate her. She played innocent to get my confidence as well, so that I would tell her how much I love this guy. When in secret, she was telling him she was interested in him. He goes for it because she is young, short and skinny. She admits to having multiple boyfriends and being polyamourus and the one she lives with looks well older than me. I don’t think it’s romantic. […]
This year has probably been the worst year of my life.
I have suffered from anxiety since i was little, and i dont remember a time without it.
however, disregarding that, i feel like no matter how much i try to be happy, happiness turns against me, or life or the universe.
the beginning of this year was great, i had great friends, a loving boy friend, a loving family.
then after coming back from a (what i though was a) perfect holiday with my then boyfriend in june everything just turnt to crap, it has been a downward spiral.
My grandad fell ill and […]
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]
Whether or not they have a terminal illness, shouldn’t they decide if they want their life to end? People are allowed to have abortions. If you can determine when to end an unborn child’s life, then how come it’s such an issue whether or not we can end our own? If anyone can help me find effective ways to end my life, I would appreciate it greatly. Please email me at ceasethecranium@yahoo.com if you would like to talk about it.
Hello, everyone.
I am a miserable person, I hate my life. I know nothing will ever be perfect for me. Pointless. I am nothing more than a catfish, ugly on the outside and ugly on the inside.
I can’t go anywhere, I can’t see anyone, I can’t do anything. I am so tired of being so despised.
Sometimes I think I can do this, I can live like a normal person, but I can’t.
Happiness is so fleeting.
I long for that little rush of adrenaline that comes from someone loving you, but when they find out who I am they always leave me. Even if I tell you too […]
I posted this as a comment, but I just wanted to share it with others who might not read it.
I am still alive because of my curiosity. My life is shit right now, but it has to get better sometime, right? I just always tell myself that. It can’t always be like this. I wasn’t made to live this miserably forever. There’s no way. So my curiosity is, “I wonder when life is going to have that magical turning point for me. I wonder what’s going to be that turning point. What’s going to make me the ridiculously happy person I dream of being?”
So my advice to […]
I keep spinning back to the darkness. I have one good day and then cycle down to the lowest low. I KNOW I should be seeing a therapist but there is no money for such luxury. I am intensely jealous of all the people in my life who do not work – have not worked for years – and they have shrinks. They see doctors. They have every medication under the sun to even them out. What’s my med? I get to fake it. That’s my med. I get to wake up every day and go to work and be nice and friendly and productive. […]