so last night I was having a conversation with my mum and one thing lead the the other and I basically said I wanted to die I explained how I feel like iv lived enough already and I can’t take no more I haven’t planned on killing my self yet but now I feel worst because she worrying about me I told her not to worry about me and she started crying saying what would become of her she knows I’m in pain but still wants me to tough it out but I’m not as strong as she thinks I am I’m passed breaking point […]
Tag:
my self
Been feeling sorry for my self all day after taking more then I should have of my anti depressants to make me sleep on impulse hoping to knock me out all day but woke up mid day which sucked no it wasn’t an attempt how’s everyone else coping today
Really had enough life isn’t for everyone and I’m one of them people I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on life don’t get better should have killed my self last May but my attempt wasn’t that great I’m scared of heights which is 100% and hanging ain’t really my thing so il left with 3 options wrist throat or OD I’m not sure when im planning on trying again but things ain’t getting better and I can’t take the emotional pain no more
Every professional I have seen always ask if you hear voices and I’m not sure how to answer. What constitutes as a voice, I talk to my self in my head all day and sometimes I tell my self to do things I know are against everything I have been taught but yet I still do them. You go so long not doing drugs or drinking then one day you hit a new low and you end up buying the things you know will end up hurting you and others. They tell you not to leave your house even though you need to make money […]
I really hate myself I hate my self image in 2012 I was 14 stone for my high I was fat I’m 5 ft 5 so I lost all when down to 10 stone from being depressed and not eating now I can’t stop eating again and im puting it back on slowly I’m depressed already and that’s depressing me more see I keep trying to fill that fucking void inside now I’m filling it with food for fuck sake why what is that void it’s always been there I don’t no what it is but I no I need to make sure it’s filled […]
I just don’t know anymore everyday seems to be more of a struggle how do people live years with suicidal thoughts ? I started having them like 4 years ago and last year I started to act on them in not afraid of dying no more I’m more afraid of living right now it’s kind of sad well I guess this is how my story meant to go and I’m ok with that I think in my life iv had more down days then up days and last year was the loneliest year of all and to be honest the loneliness is killing me more […]
I feel as if it’s only a matter of time before I try another attempt I can’t take being trapped in my own head anymore I think depression is a battle u win if u got the motivation to not give up I’m tired of fighting and nothing going right I literally have no motivation to save my self no more I always sabatage things and I hate myself of that I don’t understand why I do it some thing break that you can’t fix and having to live with the mess after I can’t take the pain anymore
Happy Tuesday y’all…
Things have been really good and busy for me lately . I have been working and going to school.
I love my job. I have made so many new friends , and it’s given me a new perspective on everything .
Anyone you meet opens a new door for opportunity .
I don’t really have much to say other than the fact that I’ve been well. I’ve been better . I’ve been more active . I drag my self out of bed everyday . I’m engaged in school.
So everything is looking up 🙂 I hope things are great for y’all too 🙂
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Why while everything is going fine, when I know how to deal with things and how to solve my problems do I refuse to be ok?
Why if I know everyone matter and everyone is valuable I just don’t know what to do with that?
Why do I feel so rejected? So inevitably rejected for all I am?
Why do I apologise all the time for what I am? Why can’t I stop apologizing? I hate to apologise for even breathing.
Why do I need to hear from others that I am ok? I need it every minute. I keep all day looking for someone to tell me I […]
Hello.
I’m still alive.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.
It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Things have actually been looking up. I told my parents through my counsellor about my self harming and suicidal thoughts. They were surprised, but I wasn’t chewed out like I expected to be.
Anyway, I’d thought that things would change. But I realise that they really don’t get it. They still don’t get it and I give up. My parents talk about my cutting as though it were a joke, especially
my dad.
My parents seem to have told my brothers about it, and they make fun of my scars. I mean, it’s difficult to stop thinking about it, but […]
I just had a terrifying dream. These demons were always around me and watching me and I could see them whenever I looked into the mirror. Then one of them came for me. I thought they were gone but I looked into the mirror to see myself and she was behind me then looked at me and came for me . She poured this stuff in my mouth and duct taped my mouth and proceeded to put a bag on my head. I think I was about to die then I woke up.
I was scared as fuck when I woke up. It felt real. […]
I feel Sad, lonely, helpless and I am in so much pain … I’m just going to cry my self to sleep … I hope I die in my sleep …
I realized last night in the blitz of all the chaos of the party that I will never be happy . My god I am the most depressed person on this planet .
I wanted to kill my self last night . I drove home even though I was a little drunk but I’m a perfect driver . I wanted to drive off the road and crash into something . But I couldn’t do it . And I went home to lay in bed .
I wish I had done it .
This year has been the worst year of my life . This year I changed my ways , started reflecting on my self & thinking differently , and saw the world differently than I used to . I changed to be a better person but it really had an impact on me. I used to hang out with the wrong crowd and get into trouble. I took my self away from all that madness . And I realized I wasted all my teenage years with the crappiest people . So this year was a reflective year on my self . And it was a hard […]
I feel like it would be fun to see all of yours too . These are mine.
1. Find something I’m passionate about . I really want to find something to put my time and energy into . Art ? Music ? I have a great ear my friend tells me . And I love going to shows. I think I would like to buy a synthesizer . I’m really into some funky music.
2. Pass my dental assisting radiology and infection control exams . I’m coming close to the date to take them and I’m nervous . After I take these tests I can get […]
I woke up and played my spotify and this song came on. It reminds me of my self. It’s about building up a relationship only to break it down with your craziness. I can’t have relationships with people because they can’t really help me, and i’m way too bipolar.
The last relationship i had with a guy was the best i ever had. We met at a concert on the beach on Labor Day weekend. I fell in love with every little thing he did. He was a musician so we always made music together. And traveled. He had such great life lessons and morals. I […]
Merry Christmas to all… I hope you all had a good day .
I didn’t feel like it was Christmas today .
It’s my least favorite holiday.
I feel like today is a day where people find a excuse to get back in touch with you , people get you gifts because they feel like they have to, and family’s have to get together because they feel bad that they haven’t for a whole year .
I kind of had a good day though. I saw my step family . Their really nice . My actual family is pretty much all dead , except for my great […]
Good morning to all my Christmas goers. I woke up today feeling good actually. Its going to be 80 degrees in Virginia beach where I live so much m pretty sure that means a good day is waiting for me . It usually freezing this time of the year . Apparently it hasn’t been this hot since 1895. So great. I’m probably gonna head to the beach and read some of this book and walk the trails . I’m actually feeling like doing something with my self today .