In my delusions I somehow managed to convince myself that I’m perfect and there’s nothing wrong with me, again. Yeah I’m a narcissist… my mother isn’t. I’m the problem. I made my mother cry today. It’s not the first time. We got into an argument and it didn’t get very heated but then again that might be another one of my delusions. I just told her I didn’t like her. I don’t have any reason to, but I also don’t have any reason not to. I guess it’s because she is really trying hard to get to know me and actually help me. I’m really […]
My mother is VERY narcissistic. Always finds a way to make every situation about herself. When I sit back and think, I realize that I’m often doing the same, just not out loud. I don’t project my narcissism onto others and I feel that makes me better/? than her in some ways. But my narcissism has taken ahold of my suicidal thoughts.
I’ve always wanted to die ever since I was young, but these past couple years the one constant reason I have for wanting to kill myself, is to see who’d show up for my funeral. I want to see who shows up, who cries […]
I really hate the word reality. I hate when my mom storms in to my room
and tells me that lying in bed and taking naps all the time isn’t reality. She tells me I have to get up and sometimes I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to and it would be heaven if I could stay in my bedroom forever. It’s my safe place and I feel like no one can hurt me here. Today my mom came in to my room and she told me I had to start […]
I am new here. I attempted suicide about 3 weeks ago, twice in less than 24 hours. The first time I was found by my siblings who got into my house and the second time, I was found by the police. I ended up in the hospital unconscious for two days and spent a further day in a ward with old people, who were bed ridden. I was under constant observation, not even able to go to the toilet unattended. As a psychology student, it was one of the most degrading and humiliating experiences of my life. I felt so ashamed facing my family after […]
I’m normally a very independent person. I don’t need people, they don’t need me, but I NEED YOU NOW. There’s this chance I might have, I don’t even know if I have it yet, but there’s a chance of a chance. I usually don’t like hope; I shut it down, but I started hoping today and I was too far gone by the time I realized it.
So I’m just hoping now. So I figured if I was going to ruin my fragile mental state with hope (you have not seen what hope can do to me; its pretty scary), I might as well try. […]
work and play have lost all meaning. The barriers between personal and professional life have shattered. It’s all the same crap now, junk that’s in between me and non-existence. I work and play but don’t put my heart into anymore; nothing feels good. I am Anhedonia.
I can’t live like this, my life is not so bad that I have any “good” reason to kill myself but it’s not good in any way either. It’s been good but I don’t enjoy things.
I can go home after working and sedate myself and do it all over again but why??! FUCK! Friends don’t mean much to me […]