I’ve been called beautiful by many people, yeah sure that’s good, um no it’s not. 90% of the people that have called me beautiful would just say that to get something out of me. They wanted to use me for nudes and shit, I thought that they really meant it, but the next thing they want is nudes. Women are not sex toys, and neither are men. People need to stop using other people, for something that they want. If someone wants something then just say it don’t make up so many lies to cover up for something that’s wrong. Don’t give someone compliments that […]
Lately I’ve been terrified. I don’t want to go downstairs, I don’t want to see anyone. And I most definitely don’t want to leave the house.
I missed college, again. That wasn’t entirely due to the fact that everyone is trying to kill me outside. No. Saturday morning I was forced to restart my medication because my moods have been ridiculous. An hour after taking it I had awful pains in my stomach and I was throwing up, and another hour later shooting pains were going through my chest.
Within a few hours I was burning up and I was hurting everywhere. My temperature was high enough […]
I lost my job of almost twenty years today. I don’t have a degree, any skills, a really low IQ, and health problems. I made a pact with myself a long time ago that if this happened, it would be the last straw. I would need to stop being a baby and take my own life. People have been reaching out to me lately, but good people never consider maybe this person had plenty of chances and fucked them all up. Maybe it’s time to admit that I’m a mistake and stop burdening the world. Those people will get over it if I go. They’ll […]
It’s starting to dawn on me that I’m not really capable of the whole ‘human interaction’ thing. Even online.
I just can’t seem to ever talk naturally, without being incredibly self-conscious. Everything I say feels fake and contrived, even when I’m trying to be genuine. It’s like I’m not really human – just some kind of defective robot trying to copy behavior but getting it wrong.
I just need to stop being me. Stop thinking these defective thoughts. Be normal. Do normal things. Not constantly question everything. Stupid brain. Thinking dumb thoughts. You go shhh now.
The problem is me. Everything about the way I think. But how […]
I thought I was done with this site. Here i am though and its truly been a while. I don’t know what to do. I tried to kill myself when i was at home with my parents i thought that i would move back with my gf and shit would get better. That i could finally be happy and have a family of my own filled with the love i always wanted but since i got here its been nothing but abuse and disrespect. There’s no love anymore and that sucks but i need to stop being stupid and face death like who wants to […]
today again…something bad happened which was not supposed to be happened…whole family,friends and the world is against me…they don’t wana accept who i love…im broken into pieces and if my loved one’s will go apart from me then i seriously need to stop breathing…pllllsss God help me! not to save my life but to stay with my dad up in heaven…feel like killing myself again!!!
I just wanted to say that if you’re someone who’s going through a really tough time right now…..don’t give up on life. Really… just don’t. Stay alive……..Also stop getting so caught up with the media. Stop staring at the screen so much. And give your ears a break with those ear buds and those big bulky headphones. There’s someone out there making a profit off your inner sadness with those things. Don’t get me wrong ….music is awesome but for those of you who use it as a crutch to get through your day need to stop doing that. Stop using that crutch and start […]
my ex came back into my life. She told me the biggest load of bullshit and that we need to stop talking, then 2 months later she texts me about how she cried cause she missed me. WHat the fuck. HOW’re you gonna lie to me, then tell then come back 2 months later. I tried so hard to bring back the relationship but she just ignored me. I brought her back of course, she’s like the only person i think ever cared about me, About my well being. Shes the only person on earth who knows im suicidal. She’s the main reason i wanna […]
I tell you i’m serious. Over and over I tell you i’m serious. I tell you if you’re not serious then get the fuck away from me. I tell you to fucking be serious. Every comment you’ve posted affirms my view of this world because i told you to stop and you wouldn’t and could not stop because you love what you do. you characterize me when i explicitly and obviously tell you otherwise. you diminish every single one of my words. you deliberately write comments that sound unfazed and uncaring and smug. you need to go away. you need to stop typing because you […]
We are all on here for different reasons and have been driven to consider taking our own lives due to a wide range of experiences. We are a diverse company of sufferers. And that is as it should be.
I haven’t posted here with any regularity in many months. I’ve been in Puerto Vallarta since August 1st and will return to the states on Jan 26th, as planned.
Its been a time of great introspection, highs and lows and just plain old acceptance of who and what I am, and what is possible for me. I […]
I am spiraling. I am breaking. I am fucking losing it. My mind doesn’t stop. The pain doesn’t stop. I want to scream and tear my hair out and cut my skin to shreds. I haven’t cut in years, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I just need to stop the hurt. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have no control? I wish I could die in my sleep. Be hit by a bus. Have an aneurism blow up my head. I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop. Please make it stop.
I think sometimes in life you take the path that seems the most daring and obvious to you, but sometimes that path isnt the right one. For me it was the art path, since i was 16 i dreamed of being a great artist someday, i worked my ass off for years, putting aside friends,health and everything else, because everyone knows usually if you want to succeed and have a living in art you either need incredible luck or work your ass off everyday. Well i chose not to rely on luck and work my ass off, and even then, it wasnt enough. After almost […]
I get told I’m fat. I weigh 130 with a height of 5’6.5″ I now eat small portions, try not to eat anything in between meals, and I go to bed at night and dream of the food I could eat. I get up from the table and feel so hungry. I want to eat so much more but I can’t let myself eat. I have a congressional debate meet this friday-saturday. We can’t wear bracelets…. I will be so vulnerable I’m not looking forward to it. I got told today that I work too hard and need to stop trying so hard. I study […]
1 became 2, then 2 to 4. 1 cut every time my heart fell to the floor.
4 became 5, then 5 to 8. 1 cut every time I’ve experienced self-hate.
8 became 9, then 9 to 11. 1 cut every time I wish I was in Heaven.
11 became 12, then 12 to 16. 1 cut every time they were ever mean.
16 became 17, then 17 to 21. 1 last cut before my life was done.
1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4.
Loss of blood, my mind began to flood, as my life went on no more.
Self-Harm is like a drug […]