I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets […]
Tag:
nothing
Would a person die when he’s dead?
Or would he only feel more pain?
I knew I’m already suffering from depression a year ago but it’s only last week that I started to hurt myself physically. It just happened. I don’t even know when or how something sharp came into my hand to slit my wrists. All I know is that I shove it on my skin and felt the burning pain beneath. And that it felt so good. To finally feel the pain. To finally divert my attention on my bleeding wrist rather than what I feel inside.
It was the time my brother came to yell […]
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
by niki
written by niki
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life
I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING […]
Hello there. I’ve been around this site for a few months now. I see people are quite nice around here, so i guess i’ll be telling a few tales regarding how i got to the point i am at now. Perhaps what i say will fall in non-deaf ears for once.
People have told me a lot of stories about rape.
They’ve told me how to be careful when I walk alone at night,
And how men in trench coats come out of dark alleys.
They’ve told me to kick them in the groin and run,
To scream for help.
People who can calmly tell you how they were almost caught,
How a stranger followed them down a sidewalk and made a grab,
And how they fought back and won.
How the offender’s in jail and their life is back on track
how happy they are.
But no one talks about how they didn’t fight.
About how they […]
Seems like i’m going to walk a little longer.
how long? no one knows, but after not having the balls to try and overdose myself it anti-depressants and pain killers for the third time i got caught by my Mother and she is not letting me out her sight and have locked every place with locks.
isnt it shameful, 20year old shut-in freak who cant even kill himself is now living a lie inside hes room and being watched all the time except when others sleep. the society doesnt even realise its destroying lives of hundreds and after that tells us its our fault and that it […]
i wish harry potter was real , i wish fantastic beasts were real , i wish magic was real , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
by niki
written by niki
i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !
reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !
Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is […]
The act of eating too much because you think that maybe it will help you ease the emptiness inside you.
The act of sleeping too much thinking that maybe somehow things will change the moment you wake up from your every sleep.
Do you feel the same?
It feels really empty, no matter how many people talk to me, be friends with me, laugh with me still at the end of the day I still feel crap and depressed. And I dont even know the fucking reason.
I find myself back here again. It had been a while, and I had been happy for the first time since childhood. But now, here I am again, and the loneliness, and the feelings of the inability to connect with people that I’ve spent so much wonderful time with, the social anxiety as I fumble and stumble over my own words and just sigh in exasperation in my self involvement. I hate my narcissism. Talking about myself disgusts me, and I find it very saddening. I had gone on a date tonight. She and I had had wonderful dates before, but tonight, I felt the […]
The website says “Howdy”.
Howdy. That does sound quite ironic.
It’s another day once again that begins “Let’s put off until tomorrow what we can put off until tomorrow” says the book I’m reading. A book by Murakami. A japanese author. Japan? It’s something that had some impact on my life, it’s funny how you and others associate things to yourself even though you don’t believe you exist. Sometimes I picture myself walking in a quiet japanese street between two rows of houses, eating a fish-shaped an-pan, just like in those animes I watched when I was in junior high.
Yes, exactly, with that piano OST from Durarara!! […]
It’s been months since I’ve started to come here to find comfort, just seeing people as eager to quit this world as me makes me feel better, I felt safe, and comfortable each time I opened up the website, so I’ve decided to create an account too.
My issue is not necessarily coming from a particular event but much more from a profoundly anchored existantial boredom. Each passing day is the same, even though I know there is so much I have not seen? Being human is such a weird experience. There are so many things I want to say I don’t know what to start […]
I hate reality ! reality is boring ! Doctor Strange , Marvel MCU , Avengers , Sword Art Online , Virtual Reality , games , movies , novels , anime manga , comics is better than reality !
by niki
written by niki
I hate reality ! reality is boring !
Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !
Why Human’s Imagination is much better than […]
I’ve been carrying this illness for years and didn’t utter a word to anyone, not my family, friends, the counselor I had been seeing for 5 years. I recently reached out and tried getting help. I started by telling my older sister, who then told my mum and soon I was seeing a doctor who was meant to direct me to mental health specialists. This was over 2 months ago. The doctors have done nothing. After the years of doing nothing the one time I try get help I get thrown aside. There are many other signs but this is the final one. I give […]
I don’t know how to say it nicely but I’m done. I am so tired. Tired of living a lie. It’s gotten progressively worse this summer, to the point where it’s 10x worse than it’s ever been since I developed depression several years ago. No one cares about me, I know that. I’m the one to message others, to call them, to love them, not the other way around. I know I’m unloveable. I don’t know why, I have theories, but I know it’s true, it’s been proven many times. I imagine it must be exhausting for others, my “family” and “friends” to pretend to […]
I’m old now. I wasted my youth being too scared to go out and have fun. Instead i worked at a crappy department store using my money to help my family out of endless drama until I was thinking about killing myself every day. So I re enrolled in college with big plans to be a art teacher. Today I failed the $90 Praxis exam for the 4th time. I was not even close. I’ve missed the deadline to be screened into the education program again and will have to wait another year. This is the only thing I’ve ever tried to to for myself, […]
From head to toe everything seems wrong. Nothing seems beautiful about me. I’ve never had anyone look me in the eye and call me pretty. I’ve never turned a head walking on the street. All my friends are physically perfect and amazing people.
Have you died but you are physically alive?
For example when I’m asked my age I reflexively want to say “21” except I’ll be 24 here soon. I also no longer have any desires, aspirations, goals, or dreams.
Ultimately I feel like the Corpse Bride.
“And I know her heart is beating
And I know that I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it’s not real
For it seems that I still have a tear to shed” – Tears to Shed lyrics.
So is anyone else dead alive?
From the second floor of my apartment building.
I’ve never felt so alive in my whole life! So many emotions at once! It’s incredible, I can’t even manage to explain it.
I’ll always cherish the memory of me falling. Time seems to slow down when you’re falling and even more when you already reach the ground.
I have three deep cuts, and I feel so fucking proud of them. I’m so happy you can’t even imagine. So so so happy. I’m crying of happiness (not of pain like everybody believes, physical pain means nothing to me).
I’m ready, more than ever.
Short version of story:
Met strange guy in dark parking lot alone.
Trusted humanity.
Had a panic attack later.
Lived to post about it.
Incredibly long winded version of story:
I was sitting in my car just getting ready to go home Wednesday night after soaking up the free WiFi. The place was closed, and everyone else had already left. I had just a couple things left to do, and then I was going to leave…..
But then I noticed a guy walking across the parking lot, headed straight for me.
He looked a little stressed out.
I didn’t know whether to communicate with him or drive away.
If this had […]
Like for real though, do you even want me to be happy? It sure doesn’t seem like it. All you are doing is making me worse. I hope you’re happy, you have made me miserable. It seems like nobody cares about anybody anymore, am I the only one that has noticed this? Nobody is nice anymore, someone can be really hurt, and some would notice it, and what would they do… nothing. I hate my life, and I really don’t even care about anything or anybody too much anymore.
This is just another one of my useless,and stupid posts.