Through visions warped by God’s lament
I see the hell I can’t prevent
my angels died and heaven’s cracked
I made my choice and can’t go back
the road of ruin shatters the soul
but I walk this path because I swore
that nothing’s worth much more than pain
and the ecstasy within my veins
Tag:
nothing
One too many unanswered questions…nothing but a spinning waste land mind..
I hate how I’m in so much pain the muscles on my body are so tensed n I can’t even relax now I’m stuck in a loop of pain n misery my spine need to get better if not I will be in pain forever I don’t want that. I’m tired all the time I don’t like to be in so much pain I feel like I’m never going to get any better my spine n back are messing up my whole body n the bones everything is different my neck is forward but twisted the muscles are so everything is such a bothersome for […]
the past few years have been shitty for me. my best friend committed suicide july 30 2013 with a shotgun to the head in his bedroom. i was with him the night before and i feel that i couldve done something. as time passes i feel more and more compelled to do it myself. my life is a waste, i cant get further ahead in my career because the college education i have isnt enough which is the result of the economy and unfortunately i cannot make more than minimum wage. thats just the way it is. no one can get benefits anymore, and i […]
I do everything for you. You do nothing for me. You have come to expect me to drop everything and do whatever you ask. you’re a grown man…act it . Be responsible for your own shit. It’s all about poor you…you’ve destroyed me in your path. I have to get out from under you in order to survive. If you are there in the end things will be different but I have my suspicions that you will be long gone, when the favors stop.
Just another slice at a slow soothing pace
Just another pill to drown that horrid face
Just another life, just another feast
I can not escape the ugly beast
It’s all reality, some say a thrilling ride
But there’s nothing thrilling about wanting to die…
Call me bleak
Call me blind
Call me weak
But you see I’ve been caught up in a daunting bind..
In this hole far to deep
80feet under I try to escape
Can’t escape a hole that never changes shape…
the other night I was going to hang myself but he called me… he doesn’t have his phone anymore so he had steal his dad’s for a few minutes I want him to come home i haven’t heard from him since now I just want to die again:'(
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. tawneesmommy@gmail.com for full story. I’ve been in process of typing all I’ve been through in life but it’s taking me a long time….:(I am so alone
Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if anyone will read this or care but I’ve accepted that boiling up my demons inside of me is not the answer, so here’s my story.
I’ve only felt this while for a little over the year, and I’m not exactly sure what triggered it. I have a stable family, a stable education, and a stable set of friends. I have a roof over my head and I have a lot to be thankful for. But I had one sad day too many, and one day I just collapsed into this mindset. And I haven’t gotten out.
I wrote a paragraph of reasons […]
So just as the title states, I think life is basically pointless. I actually dug myself into this depressive hole my thinking about life and what the meaning/reason/purpose is. I basically ran through the ideas of waking up every morning to go to school/work/etc. and having to do whatever. Every. single. day. That is all I see of life; waking up to do stuff, reach goals, “accomplish” things, and then face our inevitable demise. Yep. So we basically live to die, how meaningful *note sarcasm*.
A great example of how I see things is like the myth of Sisyphus, in which he was cursed to just […]
It seems to me like suicide is my only way out. Everything started going down hill when I graduated from high school 3 months ago. I moved into my own apartment. My parents have never been supportive and were abusive. I was going to college to get my nursing degree. I was determined to work and go to school full time. Over the past month, I have lost everything except the roof over my head. I’m working myself to death rolling burritos at Taco Bell. I’ve lost most of my friends over the summer due to either me moving or them going to college. I […]
I keep trying and nothing is ever good enough for anyone. I give him everything he wants, do whatever he tells me but that’s not enough. I just want to be done…with everything.
Last year I had an abortion… It was unplaned and my dad had told me before that he’ll kill himself if I let him down… He was on his knees crying like a baby when he said that, and that was the image I kept in my mind trough the procedure. My bf ay the time didn’t push me to do it… But neither showed me another option. So I did it and tried to live normally after that. I justo couldn’t. I finished the relationship because looking at his face remind me every time what have I done. And I found someone who gain […]
I just.. I feel so empty. Yeah, normally its easy to laugh it off and hide behind a mask, act normal, human even. But right now, when I’m sitting at home and in bed, all of my walls come down. I feel so weak and hopeless- and of course my parents choose this very moment to tell me how worthless I am and how I’ll never amount to anything and how I should have been more like my brother. The worst part? I agree with them.
I’m not anything special; I don’t have any outstanding talents- and trust me on this. I can read people […]
It comes back and just consumes me and even when I try to feel I can’t. I feel empty and I’m alone I should feel sad but instead I feel nothing. Ugh it is the most annoying thing ever! I watched a movie recently, one of those rare weird movies that people typically don’t tend to watch. And I made such a connection I felt understood like I could understand, of course on certain levels because not each person and situation is the same. But I shared a similar pain and it sucks and im so numb this very second that I don’t care enough […]
I’ve been wanting this for so long; but now it’s more than a desire, it’s an obsession
I have nothing in my life that gives my living any credibility
I’m just a girl who’s broken beyond repair and this may well be how the rest of my life be like and I do not wish to keep going this way.
I need to go. I have to go.
I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel worthless n nothing to him I have spinal scoliosis see he doesn’t seem to believe that n sees me as lieing about how much pain I’m in he has been my stepdad for about 10 years since I was in grade school I’m so tired of him I’ve been in pain from my spine n body for about 3 years but lately it’s just been getting worse I don’t know what to do I feel like giving up on life n he doesn’t care for I can see it in his eyes […]
The utility of this platform to convey inner thoughts and true emotion is unmatched. I can express myself even though I’m talentless. Look let me skip the formalities of how I usually write and just get to it. I feel guilty. I was reading the first post on SP (this was approximately 1 month ago) and I realized this is a website where you’re supposed to share experiences of suicide. Anything else is viewed as unnecessary. I’ve only posted here a few times, but most of my pieces do not spare detail. But never have I wrote about my suicide attempts, nor do I plan […]
Does sadness have an age? Does it mature like wine? Is there a definition for true sadness? I guess sadness is defined within itself. Sure I’m 18 and I can safely say that I haven’t experienced life by any means. That doesn’t really matter though because experiencing this pain is enough. People who try to reason with me never understand. They treat my condition as something that you shrug off because ‘nothing really bad has happened’. That is so far from the point. I’m sure you all understand though, what it’s like to feel so depressed without any reason and that honestly makes it hurt […]
the popes got it wrong
when theres no more ozone
we will see the falacy
with our last breath
we’re all going to hell
with no water to quench the smell
inhaled in a blind hurry
a dead man walking at a feast
and our apologies won’t mean a thing
the childrens eyes will shame every human being
each passive one of us a sentencing
but the law rarely gets you for doing nothing
what we have done
knows no logical bounds
we have spoiled the earth
we gangrape the ground
when our plans got botched
we just stood by and watched
we can not explain away
everyone knew […]
and I just get by by pretending that I don’t. Not inwardly, I mean on the outside. A mask of sanity. I’m a apathetic misanthrope portraying the character of a normal lovable person in a perpetual improv act.
I’m polite and sweet. I listen to people. I laugh at their jokes. I’m considerate. My mind is dissecting them. I’m dead inside.
I’m just not there.
I’m not depressed any more. I haven’t been for almost a year, but I no longer feel complex emotions of any kind. Some would call this a mixed blessing. There is nothing mixed about it. If I had to choose, I would trade […]