Anyone else ? I have been diagnosed with paranoia, Im a pretty crazy girl. I think extreme things and with mental illness it becomes hard to live, because people dont know why are you acting that way..they dont get it, I cried yesterday because i thought my friend was going to leave me, but there was nothing like that, im worried all the time, im taking medications to calm myself down, its hard to live like this, how do i act normal like everyone ? little things push me to suicide, i like the idea of death, i like how they put the dead bodies […]
Mirror mirror on the wall
Why are u lying to me ?
That’s not me , that reflection
Why are u only show things that I wanna see
Im ugly Fat And unworthy
And there is nothing that I like about me
My boyfriend said im pretty
But I doubt it cuz he hates me
He hit me when Im sad n gloomy
He yell and cuss , makes me feel unworthy
Family ignored me
Friends walk away from me
All I have is me but
there is nothing that I can like about me anymore
The hatred that I have for myself is infinity
It’s okay to be positive sometimes. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to laugh even when you’re supposed to feel sad.
Continuously reproaching oneself, does not make things better. Sometimes a day, just a day burnt out helps. When your mind is so full that nothing else, especially not your own conscience will be able to squeeze in. I believe this is the key.
Happiness will come, when all of your worries, doubts, selfhatred and loath dissipates away. But who am I to proclaim philosophically that I’ve found an alternative to my own depression? Time may heal. This is just a little […]
Probably one of the saddest moments in my life. On the way back home from school, one of my sisters got a phone call that my other sister intentionally swallowed a handful of pills. I was not told if she was alive or not. Bus stopped and I reached my door. Opened the door, and everybody was acting like nothing happened, my sister looked sad, but that was all. I didn’t want to ask what or why she did it, because I didn’t want her to suffer any more as it would be torture to bring back up the topic. I felt helpless. My sisters […]
RIP Robin Williams. When I heard of his death, and the method, it disturbed me because I said, “even great people can be beaten by the demons”. Fuck suicide, fuck depression. It’s a fucking epidemic. Pardon my French, I’m having bad anxiety and self harm urges again today. And lately I’ve also wanted to “pretend” hang myself again. I used to tie a rope around my neck and yank until I felt like I was gonna pass out. I figure I better not do it but damn the urges to do whatever I can to be self destructive is so great.
Help me God.
It’s 4:am.
countless cigarett and broken thoughts, and here I am again. Awake in the dead of night, alone in the darkness. It’s quite scary actually, the things you can get used to. My thoughts are running wild…my thoughts are running deep. I can never run away from the way I truly feel. The days are okay, I just run on rutin. Breath in, breath out, go to school, eat,drink, speak. Life is just a habit, I just do the things I need to do. Don’t think. Don’t feel. I’m shut down. I’m disconnected. My life is my rutin. It’s weird how little remains of me.
I […]
I’ve suffered more pain in my 19 years than most endure in a lifetime. I’m so tired of going to bed every night hoping I won’t wake up, only to do just that and have the pain reply itself. No one in my life cares or even notices. I’ve attempted to end it once before, but I woke up in a pool of my own vomit instead. I tried to move on from suicide, but my life is a void. Nothing but lament can fill it. Everything jut seems so unease for me right now an I can’t stop this pain I’ve been feeling, it hurts […]
Hello everyone here.Iam a long time reader of sp, I just made an account and i have psychotic depression, paranoia, high anxiety and extreme mood swings for which im on medications now. I have attempted suicide twice in three years, was hospitalised like the rest of you.. I want the end i dont care how difficult it is to die i know one day i will do it. Im in love with a girl who is still stuck in her ex, I have a habit of making people my life, so when they say or do something i dont like i get depressed. little things […]
I just mess everything up for myself, I don’t know why I cant just make the right choices for once in my life. I’m clinging on to an ex, hooking up telling him I love him still that I want him to be happy even if it isn’t with me. But I havent let go I can’t and I don’t understand why he won’t let go either. I over think it and wonder if maybe because this time I’m suppose to be strong enough on my own to let go. But I can’t just thinking about it rips me up from the inside out. But […]
Sitting in my room in the dark. No one notices me. I’m alone. Why not just end this misery? Why not end the pain? Why not just make everyone happy and do it? They all want me to die anyways. Nothing matters anymore. Just death. Because Every time you go to sleep you die and someone else wakes up and takes your place. You are trapped in your own mind. You’re life is a lie. A figment of your imagination. There is nothing but death in this place we are forced to believe is real. For nothing is real but death. So why not?
When the venom toutch my soul
A pice of me dies once more
If I keep this up I will be gone
And every drop that comes dripping down
Makes me less and less who I really am
It the destroys the bad
And leaves me in nothing
Theres nothing left
After it all has bled out
Im nothing more than the numb inside me
just a poem I write a while back xx
For a long time I’ve been hanging by a thread. Only here to make my daughters life worth something. Tied here because her dad died of bronchial pneumonia whilst I was pregnant.
Now because I cannot even put food on the table for her, I am having to look for someone who is capable of doing so.
I will be so calm, happy and relieved, at the same time scared, worried and sick that my daughter will have to endure this life with someone she doesn’t know and without both of her parents.
I tried to get a job, none pay anymore. Job centre has […]
Sunrise a new day,
Night came and left,
Today’s the same way.
Nothing new,
It’s just like before.
Still want to die,
Everyday feel it more.
As each day goes by,
It becomes clearer to see.
Few give a fuck,
Who’s there for me?
Many good words,
People they say.
You have reason to live,
You have reason to stay.
But what they don’t know,
Is what they can’t see.
Until the day comes,
Maybe then cry over me.
I am very ashamed of myself. No, my life isn’t filled with constant despair, and I haven’t lost anyone important to me. Nothing that bad actually happened to me. Still, I really want to disappear.
My friends are much more distant than they were before, and I can’t actually mantain a stable relationship between me and my parents. I feel like there’s a hole where it should be my heart, and the only thing that makes me feel better is reading. If I talk to anyone, they’ll probably tell me to stop complaining, and that my life is much better than I think.
I feel like I’m […]
There are times in my life where I don’t feel like the girl I normally am. Normally I feel strong, happy and just filled with life. Other times I feel like I am not even real. I feel as though I’m lost, scared and worthless. I have these times at least two or three times a year. I keep everything that upsets me in a box in the back of my mind and never tell anyone. I always feel as though I’m not allowed to share my sad thoughts with others because I shouldn’t have them and people would tell me to stop complaining because […]
How? Just HOW? I just met my sister and she has 2 jobs now. I can’t even do this one job without falling down the suicidal thoughts slope again recently. And it’s not even a job I entirely hate. Plus I am ALREADY on meds.
Just how can people do that. And don’t get me wrong, I am NOT a lazy whiny jerk that has nothing to do but complain. I just don’t understand.
Sometimes… sometimes I think my past and childhood has robbed all my energy. And now I don’t have any left to live.
– is being powerless. We know that nothing will ever change for some of us. We know the pain, whether physical, emotional or spiritual will become worse if nothing else. And here we are without the courage or the means to end what amounts to (at least for me) a useless existence.
Sure, a sea slug has some purpose but it lives without feeling or much thought. It sucks in the tiny organisms that sustain it until it can reproduce and eventually be consumed by something else. But isn’t it content in its purpose? Does it cry itself to sleep knowing the ultimate pain it will […]
pues no se porque estoy escribiendo esto. casi cinco anos de depresion y todavia tengo sentimientos oscuros. ya tengo experiencia con “therapy” y mas de dos meses en un hospital…pero nunca de esa me ayudara. pienso que nunca va a ayudarme y es dificil despertar en la manana sabiendo que esta es mi vida ahora.
I don’t know why im writing this. nearly 5 years of depression and still i have dark feelings. ive already had experience with therapy and more than 2 months in a hospital…but none of this helped me. I think that nothing is going to help me and its hard to […]
and now it’s happening in mine.
I’m done. I’ve slowly been moving from sadness, loneliness, despair to feeling nothing. I feel emptier as each day passes. I will dangle lifelessly soon enough. This joke isn’t funny more.
I am 21 years old. About to drop off college. Lives with a depressed mother. Jobless. Everyone i know really doesn’t care except for my mother. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I can imagine my friends doing fine without me. Maybe getting out of their lives is just what they need to see their own lives and silver linings. I feel like disease and i want to shut myself from the world. I lied about everything. Its my 6th year in college trying to finish up a two year course and i hate it so bad that i feel like im […]