Stages of grief
Numbers one through four
Have been inadvertently caught
In a magnetic loop
A synchrotron of emotional pain
Whirling around
Gaining mass and momentum
Occasionally colliding
And casting off particles of madness
And we may
Observe this phenomenon
With an increasingly dispassionate eye
Furiously scribbling
Notes and numbers
No one will ever see
Tag:
numbers
Hello, I can’t keep taking life from no success and all failures. They say you should try and keep trying but all i have been doing is stopping and stopping. I keep telling myself will i get better if i keep my vision on the right track. But when i think about it.. What do i really envision about myself? I’m 24 and male. my life has been a huge lack on interaction with people. it’s so hard to be myself with new people because the real me is a trans-gender. I always had more guy friends then girls.. I wanted to have more friends […]
A depressing, lonely new year’s. I sent a facebook sticker animated kiss to the guy I like earlier today and he had to once again tell me to not read too much into it that he laughed, and to me that’s like he might as well say I’m too gross and disgusting to think about. I really don’t need reminders, and wish he didn’t have to say those things every time we do talk, as if I would forget that he’s never going to be mine and need to be reminded constantly? No, I don’t need the reminders. He doesn’t need to keep putting up a […]
I think I drive my self crazy. Last night I woke up at 3:11am , I always wake at this time. The numbers are really significant . They say that angels are trying to reach to me to give me peace . Numbers freak me out . And math freaks me out . Newton invented math , BUT HOW THE FUCK IS IT SO PERFECT??? I was up to 7 am this morning researching shit on this . It makes me head hurt . Then I started researching more philosophical views on life . All these geniuses were depressed too . I think they knew […]
Hi fellow members,
I’ve been depressed for a couple of years now and never taken any action. Because I always thought I’ll handle it and it will pass over.
Last weekend I had a total breakdown and did things I totally regret. I have decided to seek help locally, I have been given numbers of a couple of counselors. At the moment I’m abroad for work purposes and will be for the next two and a half months. My question is should I find help here and call the counselors or wait till I’m back home and then get myself sorted out?
Thanks,
In short i have a crazy mother no one can get to her when shes angry…
my mother doesnt care about anything else other than numbers….
i want to talk to her but i never could….
she doesnt care….
so why should i?….
i dont know what to do i am literally in a life or death limbo right now…
i will admit i really want attention but not from everyone but maybe just one friend?
at the psyche ward I went to, I actually gave humanity one more shot. What a fucking idiot I was. Couldn’t I see from past experiences what was going to happened? All these “friends” rejected me in Facebook and never returned my calls. To think I could have friends. Fuck them! last night I ripped up there phone numbers and decided to put myself back into self imposed isolation. Humanity is a god damn sham, a lie. For some people women and friends fall into there laps, me asking for a relationship or friendship is like asking a homeless man to break into a jewrey […]
Yall remember those “friends” I made in the god damn psyche ward? Well I added Sarah and John on Facebook from that ward and exhanged numbers. Not only have they not returned my calls BUT I looked on my Facebook page and fucking beautiful! They both denied me. Couldn’t have fucked me over better myself! See? Fake people! No wonder I’m a god damn recluse. As for my “fishing buddy” Mitchell, never could get ahold of him ether. Well fuck me!
after my one day stent in the ER, and the 5 day stent in the psyche ward, I became close to a lot of people in there. I exchanged phone numbers with about 5 people. They was like family to me. When I tried to call em, it all went directly to voicemail and I left a message but nobody returned my calls. Me and this one guy was planning on meeting up and going fishing.
My fear is – what if they just felt that fellowship on the inside, but once they got out they moved on? I heard stories about prisoners who promised to […]
Last weekend I decided on today to be the best day to kill myself. It made a lot more sense than 7/2/15 because I didn’t see a connection in those numbers. But I like, and do like, how 11/30/77 to 7/30/15 looks and sounds. I’m a bit of a numbers freak, so dying on the same day of the month is appealing, along with the connection between my birth year (two 7’s) and it being the 7th month. Close enough. Like I said, I’m a numbers freak and I pay crazy attention to numbers. But what stopped me???? ….
I was (and do still) feel so […]
Anyone else who is negatively affected by the summer break? Like me because I’m all alone most of the time? School as much as anyone can hate it was a place to socialize for me and with it gone I feel like I’m hated and realize that all of the people I talked to in school aren’t real friends, they’re just people that I talked to and joked around with. There’s a lot worse than that but I hate it. I stay up at night (like I am right now) because I just can’t get the voices inside of me to shut up. I just […]
The first time i was raped i was seven. i didn’t grow up with a father figure around, and i guess wasn’t shown love so i honestly thought that this was how somepne showed you they love you. I’ve been raped three times sinse then. By ‘friends’ that i obviously trusted to much, by my uncke.. all my life I’ve been classified by numbers whether it be how much my hospital bill was, what grades I’m getting or how much i weigh. a few weeks ago i was shown that I’m worth $50 cause that’s how much someone paid to rape me. I’m so […]
It appears I’ve come a long way from the post I made in March of this year.
I had broken up with my girlfriend because my family was vehemently against me seeing her. She was a friend-with-benefits of my brother, and they weren’t talking anymore because she felt he wasn’t really interested in being “friends” or having benefits anymore. There was tension, but I had grown to like her very much as I got to know her in the peripheral of their growing apart. My brother and mother were merely disappointed and worried at first, letting me be a grown man and making a choice. But […]
I want all of you to know that I care about each and every person on this site and most people in general and I want anyone if you need someone to talk to I will talk to you about anything at all so my twitter is @kenziebear_4878 just send me a tweet and if you don’t have twitter comment on this and ill find some way to be able to contact you so please I really want you to msg me if yu need to talk or advice and I can help[ get yu phone numbers to suicide hotline or shelters or hospitals or […]
This girl I really like, Mary, found out that I cut. And about my recent suicide attempt. She took my arm today and drew all over it. Hearts, butterflies, her name, the whole shebang. She told me shes rooting for me and that I can get through this. I think I believe her. So I’m setting the clock to zero and letting the numbers grow. Hopefully I won’t have to reset it to zero any time soon. I’m going for a personal record of over a week clean. Wish me luck 🙂
That’s how long she’ll be in England for her internship. Just why. Every freaking time we went jogging it was more fun; and today was so great too, we ran together the whole time and laughed and had fun. And afterwards when I said goodbye and wished her luck for her trip I asked whether she was going to go jogging with us again when she’s back from England. She said “yes, probably” and that it’s 12 weeks until she’ll be back, as if she was expecting me to ask for her number or email or anything so we could talk or chat when she’s […]
So check this out..
When my ex left me, I was in pretty poor shape, still kinda am. Long story short..my neighbor had just broke up with his lady an she came to me crying about everything. At the time I felt like I couldn’t relate more with her and what she was going through at that time. I kinda thought we would be able to help each other through this. We exchanged numbers and all. Well I’ve text her back an forth here and there. The last text I sent was inviting her to breakfast, I just wanted to talk and get to know […]
The code of blue and the iron code. The word Mankind.
Devoured by the fire and the monster.
The monster, that is you.
An organism dying spawn, I am, of your vein. You have no name.
You are less than a man, equal less than zero.
The world equals oblivion. In my heart of jewel evolution.
Hades, is our God of the World. Grey falling Hades.
Here in the belly, I’ve turned into a beast.
A beast of hell, a monstrous chain. I am here to conquer the world.
To destroy Lucifer behind my acidic breath.
Man. The world. A part of me that’s dying.
Do you know this girl we love,
With all our heart and care.
It’s really not her problem,
I tell you, this is so unfair.
The numbers are quite shocking,
One in four they say
Will suffer from depression
In their lives one day.
There’s not much life in this girl anymore
Because of this serious mental flaw.
But no one knows when it will strike,
It’s just the luck of the draw.
She would not choose to live with it,
Sometimes not even try.
I see this little girl suffering
And all she can do is cry.
Some people turn the other cheek,
They’ve been doing it for […]
I counted up now many days since my largest problems began. I have been clinically depressed for 379 days.
Is it really right to be 17 years old, alcoholic, abusing drugs and 4 separate suicide attempts under my belt? No, I wouldn’t say it was. But miracles happen to those who need it, not those who would like it.
All I have to say this time really. Just thought I’d share my number and I’m interested in listening to others numbers and reasons behind it.