Im 34 and have always been single. My heart aches all the time, I feel so lonely and sick. Often fantasise about dying. A girl I was nuts about referred to me as creepy and weird… we were dating for a while and thought we were close, that ripped my heart in two. Life is shit, bring on the end.
Tag:
Nuts
just venting again.. anyways.. so I just recently broke up w my gf.. it wasn’t that long of a relationship.. but it was love, and something i haven’t felt in like.. more than 5 years..
of course i fucked it up.. cuz i went all psycho on her like i did all of my ex gf’s who of course dumped me because of the same reason.. so here I am.. always caught up in my negativity.. and because of it I haven’t even finished school yet..
I look at all my other friends and my sister’s boyfriend.. they’ve got jobs, friends, and gf’s.. i can barely […]
I would say I had a terrible childhood. But it wouldn’t be true. I wasn’t popular, but never severely bullied either. I was your normal nerd, with good grades (but not too good), few friends and a passion for books. And that’s everything I remember from then.
When I was about 15, I started to understand the world. I felt frustrated by not having answer to some questions, and started looking deeper into myself and into the world. I rationalized everything, and got a working schema of reality. I thought that was all, and was anxious to get that knowledge to the rest of the people. […]
I hate feeling like this every day. I hate never wanting to get out of bed. I hate knowing that things will never get better no matter how hard I try. I hate knowing that I was doomed from the start to end up like this. I hate how other girls  whine and complain about how terrible their lives are, and yet they have boyfriends. Like, seriously, SHUT UP. At least SOMEONE cares. At least you have enough luck that guys are willing to be seen in public with you and you still have the hope of a happy ending. I have no hope. I have no […]
I told my parents that I am bipolar-2 and that they must not tell anybody in the family or outside the family before I explain what that means. Â People think bipolar = crazy, schizophrenic, split personality, criminal, nuts… Â you get the idea. Â These types of labels pretty much sink a person’s life completely.
Nobody wants to hire you. Â No one that was in your social circle would be a recommendation. Â No job prospects. Â Not money. Â No lady wants to be with a man who cannot even get a job. Â Family throws you out because they think that the reason you can’t find a job is because […]
Hi everyone.
In me, we have that rare case when suicide is considered on purely rational grounds, without being affected by depression, any sort of life problem, nor personal relations’ tragedy. I came in here to share how it is so and to look for an rational advice about whether my conclusions are correct, and in (unlikely) case they are not, – then why it would be so (in detail), and what correct conlusions would be.
The title i gave to this message – “What for?” – is a rhetorical (for me, nowadays) question about life. What for do i have to keep living? What for do […]
AT THE TIME I FELT:
1. I’m an incompetent and pathetic loser who has ruined his life and will never change because of his own laziness
2. I don’t give a fuck about other people or what they may think or feel , not even those who love and care for me. All I care about is satisfying my own sense of personal justice.
3. All I can think about is how much I hate myself and my existence. The ultimate self-punishment is suicide. These thoughts are driving me nuts and will continue unless I decisively end it NOW.
MY TIMELYÂ EPIPHANIES:
1. I CHOOSE to judge myself the way i […]
I’ve read quite a few guys here who had this kind of experience… Now i’m just experiencing it from the other side. I know this guy, and I’ve tried to date him for a while but never felt like I loved him in a romantic way. So I broke it off. He didn’t take it well but for a while we were just really good friends. But he still wants to be romantically involved with me. so far I’ve been evading the topic because i don’t want to ruin what we have, but what should i do? i’ve been thinking so much about it it’s […]
I woke up very anxious and stressed this morning. It’s midnight here now. And I’m thinking of suicide again. And murder. My parents’ arguing woke me up. It always bothers me when they fight. Why? Because I have a crazy mother. Yes, crazy. Clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness. I have seen her at a low level to the highest peak of her craziness. And when she gets nuts, really nuts, I shake like hell. I hate how much I am unable to control it. I always tell myself to toughen up but my body and mind defies me. I put […]
Dear Mum,
If you find this, damn your lucky. You probably don’t even know this site exists, and now I’m writing on it.
When I said I wasn’t bothered about not being with him anymore, I lied. I cried myself to sleep every night and continue to do so until this day even thou its so far on. I’m forced to see his face everyday, he’s befriended my enemy, and when I say I don’t like that girl, I mean she wrecked everything, she found out my darkest secrets, twisted them to make them ten times worse and exposed them to everyone. Now I see them everyday, […]
I wrote this in response to someone who just posted, and thought I’d share it with whoever needs to see it right now.
I have lived with Chronic illness and Pain for most of my life. I’ve been suicidal many times, have attemped many times, and am today…choosing to live for today. That’s all I can do.
If you’re thinking you can kill yourself, please read this first.
I lived through taking enough narcotics (over 100) and alcohol. I woke up in a psych hospital a week later. Apparently I was found too late to do anything for me other than see if I woke up. I don’t […]
Why don’t they care? Why can’t they see?
For once it’s not about them, for once it’s for me.
I told them my problems, i told them flat out.
they told me i needed to get out of the house.
They think i’m crazy, they think i’m nuts.
They are forcing me to see a Psychiatrist.
I got kidnapped by a friend yesterday, and somehow ended up in Wal-Mart (of all places) watching in horror as my sister Toni tore into some poor kid for asking if she was my mom. She’s only five years older than me, but…yeah. “Awkward” does not begin to describe that mess yesterday.
So, anyway, she storms out, leaving me and Dee to apologize and pick up the pieces and try to make a graceful exit. Then we come back here, and I start getting phone calls from my husband’s family. Apparently, to “punish” me for having the gall to look too young, my sister had called […]
i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether
like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”
wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.
its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no […]
Generally I’m more of an observer and a listener than the person who actually speaks. I never blog, and NEVER talk to anyone about how unhappy I really am. But I need a listener for a change – an unbiased, unjudgemental listener. My life has been a traumatic mess, and has created in me an emotional, unstable, and lost little girl. At the same time, I am a very logical and sensible person, and I realize that dwelling on things (especially things from the past) is unhealthy, and probably a part of the reason I’m so miserable. These 2 people argue in my brain – […]
There have been several good episodes in my life, but as I look back I realize that the good ones would last just for a little while and the worst ones go on for years or will be there for the rest of my life.
A little more than 8 years ago I had a terrible car crash – I should be grateful about having survived with almost no injuries, but sometimes I wish I had died instantly instead because even prior to that I was a lonely freak and later on everything just got worse and worse.
So then I went to university and slipped deeper […]
back again, like I could ever leave this place. My sober side want’s to quit but my high side wants to try. I’ve been tired of drugs, but they keep me around. I really am well adjusted, just so fricken lazy. I feel like something else; I don’t want to be human. This life seems so stupid and it’s so long, every day all day, living breathing. Everything is so tiring. I’m afraid to stop taking drugs because then I might kill myself, and I won’t get to play with the playdough that is my life.
I have moments where I enjoy things but rarely when […]
Well, it’s 2:08 at night and I’m still awake. I’ve been in bed for 3 hours. I hate it when I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. I can never turn my mind off. I’ve never been able too. It drives me nuts. With my mind racing from thought to thought to thought………….it’s frustrating. Although, I’ve always been a “night owl”. But, not so much anymore. It’s really not like it was when I was little. When I was little I could sleep for 6 hours and not be tired at all. And, I was a “night owl” because I never really was tired. But now, […]