I think I should start by noting that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression (and psychotic depression) as well as multiple forms of anxiety that include social and general. Yea, my mind is a terrible place. I’ve been to a lot of therapists and taken almost every prescription drug for my disorders and nothing helps and I’m too tired to fight it anymore. I’ve even been experiencing episodes of psychotic depression which is honestly terrifying because I know it’ll get progressively worse. I’ve been hospitalized inpatient 3 times and 1 outpatient stay. As I’ve gotten older my disorders worsen. I attempted suicide for […]
I am a pessimist, I’ve always been that way ever since I can remember. I am that way because of my personal life experiences and some times its hard to look beyond that. How can I have hope that things will be better for me if in my life I’m only destined to reach a certain level of happiness. Maybe this doesn’t make any real sense but its what i’ve been thinking lately and how I kind of feel. I’m sad a lot, sadness that I haven’t felt for a long while. And it’s not over anything in particular really, I just feel sad and […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
This isn’t a “woe is me” post and I apologize in advance if it comes across that way. I dont think my issues or my life is any worse than anyone else here. Im presently numb and seem to be somehow getting more and more so as the days pass. I feel so absolutely and completely overwhelmed that it’s like I cannot handle anything else so I have become numb. I have been severely depressed and suicidal for awhile now, but have tried my best to hold on. There is nothing left to cling to.
My injury seven years ago left me with continual physical pain. […]
Trying not to break down but yet starting to slide into the cracks at the same time…. No one understands my pain or whats on my mind right now. Maybe this is a bad point one someone says there’s only one you because you are unique. The knife is still in my back not going in any deeper but still hanging in there leaving me numb except for those raw tears I’ve been crying of misery, pain…. Just wishing to get out of it like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. Late at night just to get a little shut eye. But even when I’m asleep […]
I’ve always wondered what would happen after I died. I think no one will miss me. I think that I am so broken and damaged I just cause other people pain. I can’t forget everything that has happened to me and move forward so easily. I just become a burden to others because of how weak I am. I used to be able to hide everything but I am just so tired I can’t bring myself to pretend everything is okay anymore. I am tired of talking to people and trying to fix myself. Sometimes I find myself hoping that I will get stronger, get […]
Its just getting worse. First, all I could do was sleep. Now I cant sleep. I wake up in a panic attack in the middle of the night. Every night. I can’t function. Ive always thought I was strong minded. Solid. Now I feel myself slipping into pain induced insanity. I lost my family. The emptiness is crushing. Time is supposed to heal. But it only gets worse. My heart is broken. My mind is following.
I’m posting this to help anyone here that reads it. I’ve been taking a folic acid supplement along with a zinc supplement and it’s really helped. Folic acid helps in the production of neurotransmitters which I’m sure anyone who’s on here knows that these are the chemicals in your brain that regulate mood. I hope that I have helped at least 1 person on this board.
Now, all that being said, I still believe that the feeling of mental stability that most “normal” people feel is merely meant to placate them and further the idea that this world is real. As I get older I suspect […]
i’m 17, in high school. The doctors
told me i have depression but i still don’t believe its real. It’s unbearable sometimes. Humans have glass hearts meaning we are so easily emotionally crippled. I just ripped two of my stitches out ( I […]
In an immense amount of pain.. Someone please.. Anyone.
my regrets are what bother me the most so I figured I’d list them.
**** coming out and talking about these certain regrets in order their listed is suppose to help me, I welcome your thoughts and don’t mind name calling because, well you’ll see.****
1- lying that one specific lie
2-hurting who I hurt
3- being who I am
4-trying to die at the wrong time for people
5- having to take medicine to hide the pain
6- letting people mistake my cry for help as attention seeking
7-saying I regret cutting
8- said I was okay but I wasn’t
9- not thinking clear
10- not getting away when I should have
Its been so long since Ive been happy. Day in and day out I yearn to just bleed, to let it out, to let go. All the pain of my life. Some 30 years of nothing but disappointments and pain. They say that the only thing that life promises is suffering. I say they are right. Its a sick twisted world that I have chosen to bring children into. I met the love of my life and now I dont even care if it all ends. He cant even be enough to keep me here. We have a baby. Its still not enough. What I […]
as i stand in the shower with you absent
i wish that all the fucking memories would wash away and go down the drain
i wish that all the pain and emotions would drain out of me
so i couldn’t feel this bittersweet emotion
my body still craves you
like you’re my fucking drug
but my mind knows that you’re so shitty
and bad for me
and i shouldn’t keep up this addiction to your love and affection
but i fucking cant because you’re the only fucking person
the only fucking person that tells me sweet nothings at 2AM when im so fucking vulnerable
you […]
Made a grown man cry today. Told my father I just want to pass away, that I dont want to live another day. that death would kill my pain. So turn you eyes away, you dont want to see this. Avert your eyes and pray, and then he screamed
Dont go, I need you here with me. Dont go, I need you here.
Saved a young mans life today. I caught him as he jumped to his fate. I told him son I know your pain but doing this will just pawn it away. I wont turn away I cant let you do this. I wont walk […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I moved to university in 2013, and was so happy to finally live near friends and be out of my house.
Stuff has gotten better and better. I found work and stayed here over the summer. I started dating a fantastic guy. I found a group of great girlfriends. I should be happy.
But im not. The same pain that was there when everything sucked is still here. I still lie in bed almost every might just bawling, wishing I didn’t have to wake up in the morning.
I want to die. I want to give up completely. But I’m scared of screwing up even that. I’m scared […]
I have this terrible habit. I’ve never actually gotten the courage to take a knife and slash my skin so that is not it. Instead I bite at my fingers until they bleed. My fingers ache right now because I’m typing. They really hurt after I wash my hands or am in the shower because they prune up and are useless to use. Since the layers vary depending on where I bite, the flesh underneath my first layers is exposed. This exposure makes them more sensitive so I can barely touch anything. My parents think I have a common nail biting habit but I rarely […]
Sometime I wonder how much more pain can my heart handle? When will I ever be the chosen one to die? They say God has a plan for all of us, but God… is this your plan for me to suffer and suffer until the day I cannot bear it anymore?
I just want to die. I don’t want to feel anymore of this pain.
Everything is better to me after some Crown Royal, Doobs and whatever else. I hope that anyone that visits this site can find an escape from the pain and get through this! Every second that goes by we are closer to death (like it or not)!!! 🙂
I was encouraged by impefertluck to write tonight.
There are so many people hurting and so much pain. Know you can get through your personal struggle and hurts. It can often seem like you can’t. Feelings lie. Maybe that sounds pretentious. Feelings lead us to conclude things we never would have if the feelings hadn’t been so strong.
I have dealt with my depression for over 20 years. I had counseling but no one listened to me when I talked about the pain of my family life so many years before. So, instead of understanding that the depression came from a situation I had no control over, […]