This whole thing started about 5 years ago…i was 15 then…life started to hit me even harder than before…i grew with my grandparents,not so nice,they we’re always fighting over silly things,my grandpa was an alcoholic dog,my grandma was always nice,miss her btw ^^.I grew with my grandparents because my parents left the country when i was 8.So,after my 15 th birthday,you know,puberty,all of that shit,started to smoke,drink,party,it was good,you know,so good,until love started to hit me like an hurricane,i was so in love…she knew,i told her so many times,but she didn’t care…for 2 years i couldn’t stop thinking about her…that’s not nice…a few sleepless nights,drinking […]
Tag:
pain
My pain.
Staying up all night wondering why your even alive.. Asking your self is it even worth being here ? Looking up to the moon and the stars while your tears are falling down your face. Looking down at your wrist and seeing all your scars. You close your eyes and reminiscing when you where that happy lil girl full of joy and faith. You open your eyes and your back to reality , where you hate everything about your self. You get out of your room and take a glance at your family apologizing to them in your mind for all the pain you’ve […]
Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]
It all started when I was in 7th grade. I was a fat harmless lol girl who always minded her own business. Then all of a sudden everyone started calling me really hurtful names like trash , fat , whale , fat ***** , fat ass. They would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough and they would tell me to kill my self that no one would miss me. Id run home crying Locked my self in my room and got the blade and cut my legs and stomach where they wouldn’t see because I didn’t want them to see that I was hurting […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
fuck Reality ! Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks ! Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring ! movies, novels books, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
by niki
written by niki
fuck Reality ! fuck real life ! fuck real world !
Reality sucks ! Real world sucks ! Real life sucks !
Reality boring ! Real life boring ! Real world boring !
movies, novels, comics, games, manga/anime are better than Reality !!
there is no MAGIC, no SUPERPOWER , no ‘cool, magical’ SUPERHERO / SUPERHEROES like in those movie , novel , comics , game / games , manga / anime , etc etc !
FUCKING BORING real world / real life / reality !!!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans, I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING […]
I’m alone now, truly, ignored by the people that were in my life. I’ve pushed away now accepting that it is done and I have been spiraling. The weather is changing getting cooler now and for some reason that is making me depressed. I was numb for about 8 months and now all those months of pain that I was suppressing all that anguish that I was ignoring well it’s making its presence known. I have a pain so intense that I can feel it down to my very core, I feel like I’m drowning in it. I have cried so hard lately and felt […]
Like so many of us, I’ve nowhere to go with this. But I need to post somewhere. Briefly, I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, an HIV survivor and had a heart attack a year ago. Now I’ll probably have to do the hospital again.
In the past few days I’ve had an increasingly painful ache under my right ribcage that becomes worse if I try to roll over in bed or cough. Suddenly this afternoon, almost without warning, I felt like I’d been stabbed there, fell out of my office chair, against the desk and briefly passed out. I’m not one for drugs – no, […]
Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.
I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]
This depression is SO painful. My mind hurts. My chest hurts. I can barely stop crying. I really need to leave this earth so badly. There are little glimmers of hope, like tiny shimmers of light, but they’re gone just as quickly as they appear. Other than that, I worry for my daughter, how selfish of me it would be to bring her into this rotten world and then abandon her here without even me. I worry for my family, they would most likely never get over the grief of losing me, even tho I’m nothing. A burden. Useless. A failure. Still, that’s the way […]
Sometimes I want to end it all
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I want to run away from life
Sometimes I want to join god
Sometimes I want to go visit my grandpa
Sometimes I want to cut myself deeper taking the risk
But then I think of all the people who care
All the people’s hearts I would scar
I can’t be selfish because I want to end it
I don’t want them to cry
I stay because I don’t want them to feel my pain
I have pain that they don’t need cast on them
I’ll take everything because I love them
I can try to convince myself that they will be better off without […]
I keep making the same mistake. I keep looking for intimacy in random hook ups, like it’s the spark of life, but it’s hurting me. I’m putting my body through abuse, and my friends are scared of me. They don’t understand why I’m doing it and they keep away from me. I’ve been with so many girls and guys, broken my heart over and over, and I’ve swallowed so many pills but can’t die.
For 10 years it’s been an endless cycle of pain and numbing that pain. It’s maddening. I want to get out. I want to have friends. Get a girlfriend. Be happy where […]
where nothing feels real?
and you struggle to maintain a certain level of normalcy when you’re talking to people?
when all you’re really thinking about is:
cutting. slicing your skin and seeing blood, red against the tan of your skin
jumping off the roof off the university health center, the one with the National Suicide Prevention Month poster in front of it, wouldn’t that be ironic?
sticking your head in an oven, a la Sylvia Plath…would it hurt? would you be able to withstand the pain? imagine the faces of whoever finds you. blood and brains splattered all over the kitchen, your burning corpse against the open oven door
cutting.
burning your […]
Fucking why does my life have to be so fucked up I don’t even want to talk about it anymore like fuck I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!
I just never want to be looked at again
I don’t want to be spoken to or speak myself!
This life has won the game already and it’s just pulling me along for more pain to be felt!
Quit fucking around and let me get hit by a car or truck tomorrow!
@$&%#%#&$&@#%
How pathetic is that? I’m just in SO much pain, I can’t imagine how much longer I can survive to exist feeling this much excruciating pain. I just took a bunch of pills (to sleep) so here’s hoping they work. I cannot stand to endure this terrible level of pain much longer.
Hey guys, I’m interested to see how some of you guys cope with getting by every day. For me, getting by another day truly is a millstone. It gets harder and harder. I usually take a lot of opioid pain killers like oxy, hydrocodone, vicodin, etc. I obviously have a problem with them but it helps me feel okay. I also like to drink often mixing the two. It’s the only way I feel somewhat okay anymore.
how do you guys cope?
i truly think tonight is the night. the pain ends tonight.
i kept myself extremely busy and productive today to take my mind off of everything. it worked pretty well too. i went to my college and attended my two classes for today. i got a lot of homework done for my courses, took care of the remaining things for financial aid, etc. i felt like i accomplished a lot today, i was even a little proud of myself, until night time arrived….
whats the point of any of it? why am i still trying? im absolutely miserable with myself. the only person who could make this better is the person who shattered my fucking heart. i […]
im really unsure on what to say anymore. its not like i can go on facebook and talk about what i really want to talk about without alarming the people im close to. i used to be okay. i used to have the ability to turn the pain off at the snap of a finger. now its gone. the switch has been flipped and im unable to turn it off. all i can think about is death and ending the pain. why havent i done it already? i have nothing left to look forward to. the love of my life decided to move across the […]
I wanna kill myself, I have a method by jumping off the Golden Gate, I’ve gone 3 times already, but I can’t seem to do it. I’m scared to jump because of chance of surviving and feeling the agonizing pain, although, the survival ratio is low and also, if I back out, I’ll just make a big scene. Now to why, I wanna do this act. I’ve been depressed for years do to having a dysfunctional family, always being a failure at everything I do; I don’t seem to have a future. A few years passed and I had to move to a new city, […]