I grew up in the church. Hell, I should say I was the church. At many of the churches I attended, my five older siblings, my parents, the pastor, and I made up the whole congregation. But that didn’t matter. Because the God I knew and loved was there. He was in my church, he was in my thoughts, he was in my life… but somewhere along the lines, one of us left. Now, it’d be easy to point fingers and say that I left. After all, I’m the human being shaped in iniquity, and He’s the all-knowing God. But me? Why would I leave? […]
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Parents
I feel like everyone has a sob story or what some might call a good reason. “I’m insecure” or “I’m depressed” or “I’m abused”. That’s all sad and really painful and I get why you might just want to give up.
The thing with me is: I don’t even have any of that. It was a slow process, but at the same time it happened in the blink of an eye; a rush of clarity for me.
There’s nothing for me here. There never will be. Nothing had to happen to convince me of it, because I think I’ve always known.
Nothing ever feels right. […]
I feel numb right now, Â maybe of the anti depressants im taking, they make me feel weird. I cant sleep even though ive taken enough sleeping tablets to knock me out 3 times. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont have the energy to write details, but here is my basic story.
My life for as long as I can remember has been unhappy, Ive been physically & mentally abused all my life. It made me insecure, I developed an eating disorder, self harmed and was suicidal a long time, I told myself when i’m older I wont feel like this and it will […]
I’m not even sure how to do all this, I haven’t taken the time to read through everything. I just need to get this out. Now.
I think too much, way too much. I’m a 40 year old female who has thought about dieing since I was a teenager. I guess I’ve always been scared to live. I was bullied horribly in school. I never felt like I was good enough for my parents… But all of that is more than 2 decades in the past. Maybe that is what started my depression. I can’t even remember not being depressed. Now though, I’m on medication that […]
I hate this house. I hate Ottawa, I hate the whole damn province. I hate what this place has always stood for. Since I moved to this fucking urban wasteland all I’ve felt was angry, depressed and suicidal.
I hate what this house stands for too. In this house all that’s happened was me getting yelled at, me yelling back, me crying, and me being ignored. I hate the kitchen, this is where all the fights happen, this is where all the knives that I can never use are. I hate the living room, I spent an hour there yesterday being explained exactly how I’m nothing […]
I won’t share my personal drama, since I’m sure most of you have enough with your own shit and I find it pointless to vomit a self-indulgent wall of text which screams “my life is shittier than yours”. I simply want to share this suicide-related issue and see if any of you are going through similar stuff and how you’ve dealt with it. Please refrain from posting “at least you have friends”-style crap.
I’ve already planned my suicide, even saved money for all the stuff that is required when someone dies (funeral and that stuff), and I’m always writting suicide notes telling everyone that this is […]
hey im new at this im gonna be straight foward now im not good at spelling or punctuation so just stay with me
ive always had the feeling of committing suicide but always ignored it,till just recently when a ex student from our school killed himself.i dont why or what but from him doing it i got a sense that it was socially accepted some how…
so i started daydreaming about where and when to do it what my parents would say or do.how life around me would be and it hit me no one would really care eveyrone would just get on with life.but recently my […]
The only thing really stopping me from ending my life is my father and the potential pain and sorrow he will feel. I’m trying to understand how a child’s death could be seen as such a tragedy in the eyes of parents. Yes, of course, the emotional aspesct of it; “Oh, my son/daughter is gone, ohh after all that time, ohh I’ll never see them again!” Hysterics aside, what do they lose? A child takes without saying thank you, the feel entitled to everything, they grow and leave, tossing the parents aside like nothing. This, to me, doesn’t seem right at all. How can something that has […]
I am young, (13 almost 14) and I know I should be weird with my emotions. I have suicidal thoughts all of the time. I cry for no reason, suffer from insomnia, and have constant headaches with no medical reasoning. I’ve taken tests online, searched up the symptoms of depression, and all that stuff, and I am sure that I have it. I was okay until I broke my ankle (like a month ago, still have the cast today) where I got a lot worse. Now I just want to die, no matter what. I’ve been so close to trying to drown myself, and while […]
Doctors tend to ask if you are suicidal. I’m not. I accepted a while ago that I could not bring myself to do anything that intentionally hurt the people I love. Since I first wrote this sentence down, a close friend of mine took his own life. Before this, I had begun to feel increasingly like my desire not to be here anymore was beginning to outweigh my desire not to break my family’s hearts. Because, much as I don’t see the appeal, I have to admit that it would. I struggled, in the wake of my friend’s suicide, to understand how I felt about […]
I’m really sorry I made this so long but if anyone can read and respond I’d be very grateful.
When I was in 3rd grade, I transferred out of my elementary school and went to a different one. However, when I got to the new school, I was always bullied. I don’t know why, but people just never seemed to like me. I would sometimes get beat up and kicked around at recess. I remember one particular day when they lured me behind a tree in 4th grade and 3 guys beat the hell out of me. Sure, my parents went and talked to the teachers […]
My parents saw my cus and flipped of course. then say i need to go to a psychiatrist again and this guy seems to not understand or give a crap…..i just want to know what to do, how to feel at least ok. I want help. I want to be ok. But nothing works i tried it all and nothing. I can be doing a million things and i still can’t stop thinking about everything thats wrong.
I cant stop thinking about dying….i just want to die. i want just stop breathing.
All i think about is the next time i can cut myself, when my relatives leave […]
to be honest i’m not really sure what i’m doing on this site but i’m ust gonna go with it. I’m not trying to sway anyone into my thinking or anything this is just my own experiences and opinions. So I’ve read a few posts and stuff and it’s kind of strange but i feel like i can relate. People are saying stuff like “oh you won’t do it” and stuff like that but ppl will, they always do and that’s what’s wrong with this site. you shouldn’t test ppl. I’m just hoping to get some advice on how to kill this shit before myself. […]
Lots of things had happened and all they turned me into stupid depressed teenager. I used to cope with the problems and I was fine, but now things are worse. Nothing can make me happy. I have only one real friend but although he tries to make me happier, he can’t. The others laugh at me, tell me I’m fat, stupid, ugly, idiot, etc. My family doesn’t understand me. They thing I’m ok, but I’m not. I just can cope with all my problems. I tried to stop self-harming, but I couldn’t. I didn’t eat for days, but I got ill and it didn’t help. […]
I am 56 years old. I have no money, no property, no assets, no pension, no income and, frankly, no marketable skills. I have large unpaid tabs at several local hostelries and debts to most of my friends here which I have secured on the (false) assurance that money is on the way from my (long closed) UK accounts. Help and understanding (of any sort) have long since dried up. I am largely looked upon as the liability which I am.
I have been staying at a cheap hotel locally since I was evicted from my apartment three weeks ago for non-payment of rent. I […]
Over the years of my life people have trusted me with their secrets. Their own stories. Just holding them can put stress on a person, so I decided to share them with whoever is willing to read. I will not use names nor describe the physival apearance of that person.
First, a friend of mine had told me that her mother had been raped during the summer of 2012. She told me it was by someone very close and she is still going to therapy. Although she is recovering from the whole experience, she is making progress. She was not afraid of speaking up (which is […]
False praise kills. Â I am told often that I am talented blah, blah blah. Â I can’t believe this. Â To do so would be arrogant. Â My inner circle does tell the truth. Â Significant other does not touch me because I am too fat for his liking. Â I was a size 00 when we met. Â I now wear a 2. Â He says he can only love me if I am thin and blonde. Â He says I am stupid. Â I’m in a doctoral program because at one time I wanted to prove to him that I was not as stupid as he says I am. Â Â There are […]
My boyfriend wants to kill himself he hates me because ive lied and been shit and he is homeless hates his family doesn’t want to go home wants to die my parents don’t know him and hate him its long distance we are on the phone
I need help. WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I SAY.
Starting to care less about what p eople think of me. I don’t know what to write my thoughts are so jumbled I want to write though. I need to get my thoughts out. so basically I am wasting my life I am too Pathetic to push myself, I have no current interest in looking for a new job, there’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to school in the fall, I don’t like the idea of being the oldest one there, I really dont. So I’m not gonna do it . I really don’t give a shit about not graduating, […]
Same old boring bad background like everyone else:
-My sister died when I was younger, and I still feel like it was my fault that she died.
-My parents split
-Living in poverty since then
– Haven’t lived in the same house for over a year in like 6 years, Â eviction has met us more than once
-Don’t have anyone to trust
This year was the first time I really started to think about suicide seriously.  I was talking to the school psychologist about it and all she did was question me, “Do you have a plan?”, “What steps would you take?”.  Then she made me call a hotline and I for […]