really angry and irritable for some reason. maybe it’s the heat. i am lonely yet i want to be alone. i am tired of talking. tired of being me. i have little patience for social niceties. i guess you would call that isolating myself. i am pretty good at that. i find myself lost in my head a lot these days. losing time. not paying attention to the here and now. seems like i am fading away. almost have myself convinced that my demise wouldn’t be a big deal. i wouldn’t be missed by too many people. there seems to be more times where i […]
Tag:
Paying Attention
My parents are trying to start fostering children. I know it’s good for the community and such, but i dont want another kid in my house. Â i already dont feel safe as it is. and with another kid here i’ll just be that kid who gets ignored. they already dont listen to me as much as i wish they would. ive tried to explain to them that im depressed and i want help but they always find a new topic to talk about. i want my parents to love me like my friends’ parents love them. instead they just make me feel like im doing […]
I am a student of suicide. I am fascinated by it and the prospect does not daunt me in the least. However, I cannot seem to do the deed. I cannot end this life of mine. I have tried ~12 times since I was 9 years old and aside from passing out a few times, I have never even gone into a coma.
If I believed in God, I might see his hand being part of this. However, I think I am just not motivated enough to die. Nor to live. I am in living pergatory.
I am 22 years old now. Female. Asexual, but unable to […]
My Papa (Grandfather) has gone to sleep in his room.
My Daddy has the flu, he is laying down in bed.
My mother is working on coupons on the computer across the room.
My second youngest brother is on the couch near me reading a book he got for christmas.
My littlest brother is making mashed potatoes for dinner.
My dog is chewing on a rawhide.
My cat is with my dad.
And I am screaming. Silently shrieking.
My loving family goes on like this. How they cannot see the blade so blatently slashing at my gut I cannot imagine. That they don’t see my insides being […]
Dear Shekiera,
I words can’t possibly express how much I miss you, everyday I think about you, sometimes with a smile on my face and other times with tears. I remember the first time I met you, you were grade one and I was in grade two. we were both shy, socially awkward and got along great because we didn’t have to say alot to have a good time. back in grade two I can’t remember exactly what we would talk about, but I remember that we used to walk around and talk about “what if’s” and “when I’m older I’m going to’s”. You see, Shekiera, […]
i just took a bunch a sleeping pills, wasnt paying attention to how much,doesnt matter anyways, you know that pain, that deep horrible pain that you cant bear anymore?i had to do somthin, i had to take stuff to help me sleep, i want to escape for a little bit,something kept telling me to take more, not a voice but this feeling, like my conciounce keept screaming out(just take one more,)so i did,hope it dont kill me, i have a plan , its to lay on the rail road tracks,well the pills are starting to kick in, i still feel the pain,i feel a little […]
It’s been two days since my phone has lit up with your name.
It’s been two days since I haven’t talked about my feelings.
It’s been two days since I felt okay.
It’s been two days since I’ve smiled.
It’s been two days since you’ve looked at me.
It’s been two days since I last cut.
It’s been two days since I last cared about paying attention in school.
It’s been two days of endless crying.
It’s been two days since you left me.
It’s been two days that my world has felt out of wack.
It’s been two days too long.