Hey kiddo, I don’t know if you still wander around this site (you know who you are), but if you do I wanted to tell you something. Your great grandma died on this day sixteen years ago, I wish she would have had the chance to know you. She would have loved you so much, she never judged people who think like us. She would have told you how wonderful you are and given you a million and one reasons to never give up. I miss her and she isn’t here to say those things to you, but I am. I love you so much, […]
Tag:
perfect
My family is …
Yesterday I heard my parents discussing, they were in their room and the door was closed (they talk so loud I can hear miles away), my father confessed he was cheating my mother.She is so stupid and people tell her harsh words everytime and she never does anything about it, she’s 45, how long will she bear everything in silence?.I don’t even know why they’re still married, but I’m sure they’re not in love anymore, plus my father is always getting into trouble and hurting other people’s feelings.He has been had struggles with alcohol and smoking since they married more than […]
Home for a 3-day weekend. Last time it was a week and I was left entertaining and flirting with the concept of death. Anything, really, to keep from having to take part in the shameful charade any longer. You come home. We sit in front of the TV, we ignore and tune each other out as we stare listlessly at the screen for hours on end.
Is that all that life has become for you? Don’t you want to talk about anything of substance, anything at all? Why can’t you just be civil for once? Why is every word out of your mouth an insult, a […]
We haven’t heard from Januray…But.. I missed all these people who doesn’t know how much I love them.. Maybe they aren’t perfect to someone else,bu to me you are perfect just the way you are. I love you guys,all of you.
My status,of emotions are distroyed.Of health so much better,but I still feel empty. And if someone is willing to share their story can send me a mail on lanamajetic33@gmail.com . I will always be there for anyone of you. I can’t say it will be better,maybe it won’t be like you want. You have to stay strong. I sound like my therapist. haha. I […]
I hope you can make me love myself more.
I hope you can make life a little more sure.
I hope you can touch me and make me feel good.
I hope I’ll make you happy, as for that I should.
I hope you’ll make me pretty, inside and out.
I hope you’ll show me what supposed ‘love’ is all about.
I hope you’ll make me happy, certain and bright.
I hope you can make it turn out alright.
I hope you can stop me from being so wrong.
I hope you’ll give me reason to go on.
I hope you’ll like music and show me fun.
I hope you’ll show how enjoying life is done.
I […]
New poem. Had some help this time from SP’s very own Chataway.
Like usual, poem is beneath the audio for those that can’t decipher an Australian accent.
Tears
Bullfrog:
So it’s taken me a while but I’ve come to a realisation
that the worst thing one can have in life is expectations.
It’s like a revelation that all the heartache in my life has been of my own creation.
Being broke wouldn’t be a disappointment if I hadn’t expected wealth
and finding it difficult to move wouldn’t dismay had I not expected health.
Being lonely wouldn’t tear at the heart of my very worth had I never trusted and […]
I don’t know how to start this
But I feel like I need to get it out there
The words that are stuck in my throat
They need to come out of the darkness
And into this world because if they dont
Im just going to keep bottling it up
I guess I was always okay with what I looked like
Then one day that changed
I got more self conscious of my weight
My hips, my stomach, my waist
All of it I hated because it was never perfect to me
My hips were never wide enough
My stomach was never flat enough
My […]
You want to be happy, don’t you?…do you?…do I?…perhaps…even then…(Questions for members)
by KIRA
written by KIRA
What if you had a perfect life?.I mean, what if you had the life you want?
Have you ever imagined your little perfect world?.You probably did.
What if you were happy?.I mean, most of the members (including myself) are always complaining about how bad their lives are, would you be able to manage a happy life?
Have you ever thought that unhappiness may suit you better than happiness?
You could have a happy life and feel like a wretch, happiness could drive you mad.
What if you were happy…and then, one day, you start thinking: Is this what I wanted so badly? doesn’t seem too […]
Opening day everyone is perfect
Nothing but hope in the air
Everyone happy without a care
With my luck losses add up
Outlook gets darker by the day
Can my team make one last run
Maybe, here they go its starting to look up
Your grasping, 20 games back 20 to go
It can be done, but no reality sets in
and no its over, time to turn off the tv
Hopes and dreams crashed again.
No one even talks about them anymore
Hats are changed jersey taken off
Final bell sounds
So I have finnaly manage the perfect plan. Quit my job, leaving my house, my animals have been placed with family members with the pretence of going travelling around the world. But its actually the perfect plan to finally have the opportunity to be in the position to end it without having to feel guilty about leaving my family to deal with all of my crap. House, bills, animals… So now will travel and see the most amazing things i. The world then i can go without felling guilty.
As I contemplate this thing called life I can’t help but get Sad, Furious, and frustrated. Why would anyone put me on this planet let alone birth me. I DONT WANT TO BE HERE does anyone understand. Cause if you do thats great. I’m pissed off and unstable with emotion right now so I put into my writing. I don’t want anyone knowing my secret. Although plenty do so why not just say it, the world knows anyways. Everyone knows everything because that’s how it is.
This world is not hell. hell is something we walk around with all our lives. It’s basically in my back […]
What’s the point of being kind to everybody when the only thing you get is being mistreated? i don’t know if i’m the only human who feels this way but i’m always trying to fit in and make everybody likes me, but everything i get is bullshit.
Today was one of those hard days when you feel alone, no matter how much people you have around you, it may sounds like a big cliche but it is how i feel.
I lost the significance of the word “friends” a couple of years ago, i don’t know what they’re anymore, perhaps they’re there asking you whats going wrong […]
Broken
You say you’re broken,
Unloved and unwanted.
You can’t be fixed,
And you are haunted.
What people say,
That is what cuts.
The words throw you off,
And you get stuck in the ruts.
Many say “I care”,
But few are sincere.
When you are broken,
U notice no one is here.
You wish yourself away,
Ready to give it a try.
U think u can’t stay,
That you need to die.
I reach out to you,
Saying sweet things,
I want to fix you,
I say that it stings.
I cut for others,
To get them to stop.
I am still clean,
Three years at top.
When I see someone unhappy,
It gives my heart great pain.
I want them to be happy,
And to smile again.
I will not stop,
I am […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
he was really depressed no one could tell, he just looked so perfect how sad
So i know i posted something but heres something else.
If you ever need someone ill be here. Ill help you through anything. You just have to leave a comment and ill give you any kind of advice you need. Ill help no matter what. Ive gone through family abuse verbally mentally and physically. Ive gone through bullying still am. Ive gone through abusive relationships. Ive gone trough drug abuse and drinking. Ive gone through losing friends from suicide and getting killed in front of me by other people. Ive lost family from suicide. Ive gone almost everything and im only 16 others start early or […]
I am curious about something – I’m sorry of it seems trite or stupid. I don’t mean to be joking around. That being said, here goes:
Let’s assume, hypothetically for the moment that Hell exists and it is in fact governed by a fallen angel. Imagine what you will about eternal fire, absence of God, eternal and terrifying punishment – whatever your imagination can construe. And for the purposes of this question,the more horrible the better. You wake up tomorrow in the same pain and agony you were in when you went to bed. It’s just another day; same shit, different day. You have the same […]
There’s been times in my life when change rattled me so bad, that I stayed up at night pondering the endless outcomes that could take place.
Then the flip side was seeking change so I could continue on without going mad.
Looking back, I don’t enjoy the contridictions that have taken place…..and honestly, neither change or no change sounds good right now.
Perfect time to go
So let’s pretend that the pain I feel everyday is nothing.
Let’s make believe that life is totally perfect, and I’ve never been hurt.
And let’s laugh like our lives aren’t totally and completely screwed up.
I could do the whole life is meaningless and pointless because personally in my eyes it’s true. I just wanted to express the fact as to how everything is so black and white to me now. I see people but not the faces its weird. I used to think life was so beautiful and just perfect but  i don’t know if its because got older or whatever but nothings the same.  I see the world for what it truly is which is such a terrible and horrible place ( in my eyes) but, iv’e recently made plans for suicide and if all goes as planned […]