So im 18, I know what everyone will say, you still have so much to live for. Well honestly I dont, my life is so fucking shit. Im seen as unattractive and stupid, I feel so alone all the time. I used to have confidence and talk to girls, but I got regected countless times. There is no one out there who actually appreciates me. So there was this one girl who I thought was perfect, we talked about everything. When somehow I managed to screw that up as well. Sucide is something ive comtemplated way to much for my age. If life doesn’t improve […]
Tag:
perfect
It must feel good to be perfect and superior to everyone else…tell me, what does that feel like? I’ll never know…ever.
The cops were called today. They want to “help”. I just want to die, continue cutting and not live in this hell hole of a town. One of the three!! I have the perfect place to live in a different city with friends that are more willing to help me out than my own family. Now I don’t think I can go to the place I once called home.
I suffer from severe anxiety among other things. If xanax didnt exist I probably would’ve gone insane and peeled my own skin off by now. Lately, I can’t sleep. Let me correct that, It won’t let me sleep. Every time I start to relax my heart rate increases and I feel like I’m going to vomit. This anxious demon inside me is getting angrier. I can’t think of my future without almost having a panic attack. My death seems to cause me less concern than my prolonged life.
How do you quell a monster that you can’t control? I’m tired of the anxiety and the […]
I’m abused by my dad
bullied by peers
destroyed by society
and you still want me to be the ‘perfect child’
I already know where I wish to died and a few ways of how still not determined but all I can think of is how I don’t want my family to hate me. I know they will hurt because if I with drew from them if I let my plans be known in any way they will be pissed. They will give me that stupid speech of how I have so much to look forward to and its not like me and I just need to exercise and lose weight cause I’m so F**ing fat and that I need to take better care of my […]
I found the perfect bridge the george westinghouse memorial bridge and was thinking of just ending it tomorrow. Thanks to the hackers and their hacking tricks and my manic behavior I managed to get in a situation where I’m facing serious jail time maybe life, and I don’t think I have it in me to do it. Due to their P.R campaign everyone thinks I’m some psycho beyond redemption and they intend to crucify me despite never having a prior record. I just can’t deal with this anymore. It’s the perfect height the success rate is very good. I can’t hang myself I’ve tried, but […]
It may look like we have everything
Everything should be perfect so you can live the best life….
Wrong
Sometimes all you need is support and happiness
I can tell for some people, they have all that
As for me
I just want to be happy…
The life becomes unbearably painful for me. I’m slowly losing it.
Everything was just as I always wanted it to be. That is, until the third year of college. I did two faculties simultaneously and I started running out of time, sleeping less and receiving not-perfect grades because of that. Then I failed one exam. That completely broke me.
Suddenly problems appeared, all at once. Problems with being gay and not accepting myself because of it (I never loved anyone and never been with anyone, I consider staying in closet forever), with trust, self-esteem, need of approval, enormous stress, problems with physical appearance, money, family and friends relations. […]
Its funny. I did not ever think Id write on this blog. But eventually I have to. I felt so down ever since I was child, I am introverted. Last year I found a person who made me life a happy life, but temporarily. Many has changed, but eventually Misery, my love, found me once again. Im having these depressions and I have no idea what to do. Everytime I feel like this, I wanna quit. Die, sacrifice, doesnt matter. Wouldnt fight back at all. But then I wake up and my brain tells me “You will try again”. I dont want it to. I […]
i havent cried in over 4 years, but after she told me she loved him and not me, i lost it. i felt like i had no control over myself, i started cutting my hips with a knife, i stopped after 8. i cut as hard as i could. she called the police because she didnt know what to do. i had to lie to them and say it was a misunderstanding, but the moment they left, i broke down into tears. tonight was a perfect night. it was pouring outside, pitch black out, i literally stood out there for over an hour. now im […]
When you just wanna go back to being that girl you are but you have to hide, well I wanna I just want to go to my room and cut my arms and feel better but how the fuck will that work all that’s gonna happen is for parents to get pissed off and kick me out but I’m not that perfect daughter not anymore now I’m different and in a girl who has to put on a fake smile and be faking happiness but nobody accepts me for who I am please tell me how to get out this hole again
Note to self:
While going crazy, Pink Floyd is the perfect background music.
I can barely talk to you…
I can’t even say a word to you…
If I were to commit suicide.. you would be the main reason why I no longer want to be on this earth… open mother daughter relationship? Lol yeah totally.. we can’t even talk about the weather.. I hate u… your a *****.. thank you that I’m able to talk to u about being so depressed.. oh wait… I can’t.. because it’s “just a phase”.. a phase that’s been going on for a while.. thank you mom.. I love life so much.. I’m not sad.. I’m so hard working.. I’m gna be […]
I broke my 2 month long spree of being clean from cutting on Wednesday. I’ve got the perfect idea for a sketch in my mind and tonight I think I’ll finish it off with a little blood.
I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought […]
Hello stranger,
I do hope you’ll forgive yet another pointless eyesore distracting from your conversations. That’s all I expect most of you to read anyway, so feel free to disregard the rest of this rant.
The few times I manage to click on Publish instead of Move to Trash I question what good it did. How can I expect a perfect stranger to give two shits about what I have to say when the people I’ve know for years don’t? The truth is that I don’t. I don’t know why I continue to try.
I’ve lurked in the shadows long enough to know that there are a few […]
Hello everyone,
Just found this site and it’s brilliant. No one to talk to but here. I’ve always been pretty emotionally dead in side, not setting out to hurt people or anything just never really felt anything. Met this girl in my late teens and that all changed, I was madly in love and genuinely cared for another human being. Four years and a child who I adore. However then she starts going out drinking with new friends, I didn’t care until I kept catching her lying. One night she goes back with someone else and I kick through the door and the police remove me! She […]
Last year I had an abortion… It was unplaned and my dad had told me before that he’ll kill himself if I let him down… He was on his knees crying like a baby when he said that, and that was the image I kept in my mind trough the procedure. My bf ay the time didn’t push me to do it… But neither showed me another option. So I did it and tried to live normally after that. I justo couldn’t. I finished the relationship because looking at his face remind me every time what have I done. And I found someone who gain […]
Life at home is Sad. My mom is losing it and all I can do is watch. She’s always had health problems but I didn’t notice the mental ones till I got older. Very forgetful, indecisive, and prone to fits of mental break downs. She has a good heart. But she doesn’t have the strength or funds to raise my baby bro. I’m afraid of his future.
I made the choice to join the Corps to better my life, maybe “die for my country” while I’m at it. I made it through training and felt on top of the world. I thought the way my mom […]