Not sure what to say as I know this post is only for me to feel better briefly. Guess I’ll just say I’m tired of trying and going back to square one every time. I know it’s how I see the world. I know it’s my brain ‘chemistry’.
I wonder why there can be two people with the same mental illness, the same struggles, and only one commits suicide. What makes the other person stronger?
It’s weird what sets me into a downward spiral now. I’ve pushed everyone away & out of my life and I’m not even sure why.
Guess I just feel completely hopeless. […]
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Everyone is connected in two ways. In life, and in death. I know what you’re thinking, I’m just a loner on the other side of this screen, no one to leave behind when I die, a not-so-happy soul, when in fact, I’m the person everyone turns to when they have problems. I’m always cheery and happy and I honestly don’t think anyone can help that..My Mum says I’m the nicest person on earth. She said yesterday that she’s glad I don’t cut or have suicidal thoughts, and when I looked at the Television, which was what she was watching, I almost gasped and fell to […]
I’d like to take a moment to explain why those who share their suicidal intent with others will be unable to kill themselves, if they’re unable to kill themselves. That’s not really saying anything put like that, but what is given is advice to what i believe could be the majority of those who get themselves stuck in a hole, unwanting to live, unable to kill themselves, there are always outliers though, -real- psychopaths and what have you…
Anyways, as the saying goes: “those who share their suicidal intent with others are REALLY just crying out in a desperate plea for help, even if they […]
You may all think I am hopelessly naive, but I am a person of faith. I long to be done with this side of existence as I really have no one or anything to make hanging around worthwhile. I suffered intense bullying as a child and teenager. I attempted at 17. But once I was out of high school, things did change. And although I have always been the proverbial misfit and lonely my entire life, things did get somewhat better for me and I had two successful careers in retail and travel. Now my health has taken all of that from me and depression […]
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
I was manic when we started dating. That’s what the drs say. I had lost weight, was happy, wanted to stay up so late and have sex all the time. I moved In with him. He fell In love with me. Then I crashed. So low I thought of suicide constantly. I’ve never been manic or this low before. I feel as if I’ve created him. I’m not who I was. Gained weight. Ugly. Stupid. I feel so sorry for him. I should move out so he can find a good person for him. I’ve told him that and he says he wants me, […]
i wish i could just leave. It would make so many people happy. Maybe one person will be sad. But no one else cares… If i die, will you cry? probably not. 2 days ago, my relationship ended because he found out i self harmed and left… He said he was going to tell his friends that we broke up and i told him not to tell. He said “They wont care, i don’t care. I just feel bad for you” and this was over text. Maybe one day, someone can help me…
…what it was like to feel deep sadness as a young person. Well, really as a younger person because I am still young. I mean I see all of these high school folks on here feeling broken because they feel as if they have no friends, feeling lonely and I feel for them. I wonder how their sadness is similar and different from that sadness which I felt at their age. The internet was a smaller place 15 years ago, not much smaller but a bit. Blogs were less popular, there were less voices on sadness. Now it seems like there […]
I hate myself. Why don’t people understand how I feel or how other people like me feel? Everything hurts even when I’m not that old yet. I wish I could escape all this madness…then I think to myself, I never really fit in in the first place…what if I dissappeared what would happen no one would care for me… “life is a play ” another person gone and the play will still go on, the world will still spin…my verse in this play dose not seem that long and important…but what if it is I mean I’m just a child to to some people… […]
People always look passed me. I never for positive feedback in groups at the psych hospital but the next person did and everyone before me did. Which is why I don’t normally speak out. In society as well, when I’m with friends and have a story to tell no one ever listens. I used to raise my hand in school and never got called on when I wanted to so I stopped and started failing. I got attention but not the good attention. Why? Can someone not look passed this.
I’m so fuckin sick of people telling me I havent fucking tried. So fuckin sick of people saying I don’t put my “all” into it! So fucking INCREDIBLY sick of hearing, “you have to want it.” Oh, let me get this straight. You actually think I like to live every fucking moment in misery and agony? You actually think that I love to walk the streets and feel like I fucking disgust every person and that I’m a disgrace in their eyes? I mean as if it matters right? No, they don’t fucking matter but do you know how it feels to be paranoid into […]
The words you say to me. The words you say behind my back. “Don’t tell her anything she might kill herself.” You saying in front of everyone. They laugh. Why would they care anyways? It’s not like I was ever their friend. But to the girl that said that I was. I was her friend. And I thought I was being a good friend by telling her the truth. But I guess I was wrong… next class I have people laughing at me. Saying stuff about me because I was trying to help out a “friend”. My real friends say with me and said it […]
Comrades, we live in a world without justice and evil. I want to tell you guys, that are suffering, that its only bad right now, but that is not the case. It gets bad, then good, and suddenly gets bad again. Possibly even worse than before. But it doesn’t have to stop there. You don’t have to give up just because its bad right now. It WILL get good again. Its almost like the eye of the hurricane. Don’t get me wrong, the actual hurricane is hellish, but the eye is the period of a light breeze, ray of sunlight and nature at its most […]
Alice wants to know why everyone wants to know who alice is! alice does not want to be constantly harassed and dogged! Alice does not wish to be accused of being a stalker when it is the other person who seems to be stalking alice! constantly popping into alices posts and discussions to subjugate alice to scrutiny for being alice! Alice is just alice! there is nothing more to tell! alice just wants to be left alone to tell stories and aquire new friends! alice does not want to get anxiety from this site! alice became alice to escape the anxiety and social constructs she […]
This is my first post on this website, I can’t really relate to a lot of people from this site other than the fact I’m depressed and often suicidal. I think about dieing everyday and what would people think of me if I commit suicide, I know I’m very selfish I have been my whole life, I guess because I was an only child and spoiled growing up,.. We’ll until I turned 18 and I left my parents house and moved out with a friend, I then really had no goals or direction so I started to slang drugs as a runner, with no real […]
I believe I’m a very manipulative person. I have been manipulative with almost everyone I care about in one way or another. I do it to one person all the time without even realizing it. That’s how natural it has become. I don’t want to be this way. It disgusts me that I attempt to control the ones I love. Not gonna state any reasons because there’s no justification. I’ve been trying hard to work on it, but all I’m doing is second-guessing myself. I feel like no matter what I say it’s solely to benefit myself. We’re all selfish, and it’s healthy to an […]
Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told […]
Don’t trust me.
I will make you believe that I am happy. I will make you believe that I have my shit together and my life is perfect. I will make you believe that everything is going on my favor. I will make you believe that I enjoy being around my family and friends. I will make you believe that I am in love with life, nature and sun. I will make you believe that I always look forward to parties and hangouts. I will make you believe that I’m the kind of person who wants to live as long as possible when the truth is […]
Tonight is bad. Bad day at work. When my shift ended, I ran out of there on the dot. I can’t stand the job from the company to the day to day work. The managers are okay until they say one thing, then say the opposite. Makes me crazy. So, I was pushed to the edge tonight. I distracted myself with reading. I ate ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza. It felt good for like two minutes. Then nothing. No good feelings. I took the slow spiral dissent into my deep, dark feelings of waning to die. Just wanting this madness to end! Can’t get a […]
I am 45 years old; I gather that I have thought about ending my life since the age of about nine. Never mind that most “normal” kids never think about killing themselves ever. To ponder suicide on a regular basis since you were in grade school seems a burden that no God should place on a person.
I have no will to accomplish anything. I feel very little except disgust about myself. Counseling rarely helps; I am such a people-pleaser that I seek to say whatever I think will make my counselor feel he/she has done a good job for the day. That’s jacked up, I […]