i swear i have been through so much in my 21 years of age, any other person would’ve killed themselves.. im not there yet. but there isn’t a time that i don’t think about it. im at the point where its so hard for me to hold anything in. i just wanna cry and get away from everyone. everyone always ends up hurting me anyways. lol. im just looking for love.. Arent we all tho? isnt that the only thing that kills us. we all crave it and need it. and every time i find it, it turns to shit. its like every time its […]
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=TXIP6DHrc2I
Everywhere I turn, I find someone who I think is going to treat me different, like I’m a person and not an object to be used. But they all turn out the same. All but one person, who I’m so scared that I’ll lose I begged them not to ever leave me on multiple occasions.
I’m all broken and hurt and I think I’d rather be dead right now than feel this. I’m not saying I’m wanting to die, but it was an observation. Why is love and friendship not easy to come by? It seems as if no one wants me for who I […]
I have been thinking about this, and so I’ll post it.
I know we all suffer terribly, and I personally think suicide is a legitimate choice that people should be allowed to make… having said this there is something that that I do have a little problem with: PRACTICING ON YOURSELF!
I just remember working on the periphery of the medical profession for many years, and people who are all carved up or who have to have their stomachs pumped every couple of months are just not taken seriously. Medical staff, social workers, group home staff just simply wear down when clients or patients or CONSUMERS (what a friend’s […]
The only time when I am happy
Is when Im out of this reality
Its when I close my eyelids
And dissapear from everything
I wish I dont have to wake up
I wish I could be like sleeping beauty
Sleep till the true kiss wakes her up
And live happily ever after
But im no princess
Im just a slave to every person that I know
I’ll be suffering all day long
But not when im asleep
It is said that one of the signs of depression is lack of interest in outside activities. But what if this world has such inane values that those activities simply hold no interest for us? Sports, for instance. Making lots of money. Marrying well. etc. An introspective person has little use for the frills and spills of a stupid world. We might enjoy yoga or sunsets or the ocean, something real, like a kitten or a puppy. But we don’t care who wins the blasted basketball game!
I don’t know what i’m doing, i’m trying to find reasons not to die but its becoming exceedingly difficult each day. I don’t feel i’m worth anything to anyone, i know i’m not. I don’t make attachments or really feel anything towards anyone, but there is always this one person it all goes into. Every time i love i’m brought to a grinding halt, reminded why i shouldn’t go there.
I really wish i knew what the point to all this is, everything is just pointless bullshit. What’s the point of living when you’re brain dead? when nothing makes you happy, sad or excited?
I’m trying to […]
I just mess everything up for myself, I don’t know why I cant just make the right choices for once in my life. I’m clinging on to an ex, hooking up telling him I love him still that I want him to be happy even if it isn’t with me. But I havent let go I can’t and I don’t understand why he won’t let go either. I over think it and wonder if maybe because this time I’m suppose to be strong enough on my own to let go. But I can’t just thinking about it rips me up from the inside out. But […]
You know. I don’t know how you would act if I told you I was depressed. You would probably give me a useless pep talk then get mad when I don’t change like she does. I’ve already talked to them all. But I won’t talk to you. I can’t. You left. I remember when you told me that you were going. You were smiling and I was begging but you still left. I cried at school. People made fun of me behind my back. You made me lose my confidence and trust with people. I slowly realized that you would not be coming back. But […]
One person can make a difference. One person can make you laugh, make you feel accepted, make you feel loved…but I just hate they are so hard to find, and once you do find them it almost hurts to trust them, to hand over your heart and put it in their hands because what if they drop it? then how are you ever supposed to know that you can trust again
It’s funny how things work out. I’ve been through so much pain and so many trials. I never thought I would make it this far. God gives you darkness to build you up, then He gives you light to show you that you made it. My boyfriend has brought me back to Him and showed me there is something much bigger than my problems. I stay reading the Bible and I stay in prayer while he does the same. Thing is in a relationship, “if he’s not helping you to become a better person, succeed, and be happy, you need to let him go.” I […]
All my problems are ones the next person has. Average.
My time passes the same speed as the next persons yet I still complain it goes too slow. Pointless.
My negative feelings are no different then the next persons. Demotivated.
My life is no more hard then the next persons. Stressful.
My life is different then the next persons. Worthless.
Ok let be real
our life is suppose to suck
If you think no one wantes you
your wrong
your parents love u
if they dont so
they’re just people
im 100% someone likes you
even if its 1 person
Listen if you lived in peace
Then your life is going to be boring
find something you like
i like singing and playing piano
that help me
you have to find something that makes you happy
watch apple dance that should help if your sad
i seen it work
1 girl was going to take her life and she watch that
and she started laughing
i hope you dont take your life
i hope
…..i hope
-brian
Let me ask you a question. Do we like being miserable? I am writing a post on a suicide website. How does that strike the average individual? Obviously there is no such thing as an average individual. Members of this simulacrum of grief, of this meeting place of agony, come from very diverse and varied backgrounds. Some may get help and move on. I’m willing to bet a small percent have actually killed themselves. But why does any of this matter? Well nothing matters. You have seen a person on their last day. What does a person on their last day look like? Usually unremarkable. […]
I have brilliant friends who are basically family but i cannot tell them what i am feeling and what i do to myself, they wouldnt reject me or anything im sure they would understand but i do not want them to act differently or take pity on me. im the person they speak to about their problems not the other way around.
the pills I take deflect the pain. but it’s only temporarily. the darkness creeps back in eventually. it’s causing me agony.
the withdrawals are so bad
nobody takes me seriously.
when I cry for help, it’s just for a hug. I don’t want your pity, I want your warmth.
the pills saved my life you fucks – they maybe the reason my life ends soon but
they did more for me than any person can
Listening to some Eddie Boyd, Lafayette Thomas and Curtis Jones, some seriously cool R&B. I have a TBI that gives me headaches, Post Traumatic Headache Syndrome is what the Doctors call it. Chronic pain. I’m also a Soldier, or I was until 6 weeks ago. 20 + years down the drain.
I usually have headaches (HA) day in and day out. And they’re never the same. It’s next to impossible to find a job and make the money I’d like to earn. My HA makes my memory cells short circuit or something. I did an interview for a job I knew like the back of my […]
My story is different. I never thought I would end up here, but here I am, struggling with everything. I can’t remember the last time I was happy.
In the spring of 2012, I met my best friend. Let’s call her Anna. She was pregnant and we instantly began doing everything together. My boyfriend and his best friend and me and Anna would do everything together. She had her son in August and everything changed after that. She was always a mild person. Never got into any trouble. From September 2012-June 2013, the four of us got into all kinds of things we shouldn’t have. Drugs, […]
I’ve spent the last 5 years dealing with depression. My mom never tried to help me and it seemed like the only person who cared was my older brother. He was the one who always drove me to therapy and he was the one who took me to the hospital after I tried to kill myself. After I moved away from him to live with my grandmother I couldn’t find anyone who cared. In the last 2 years since I’ve moved I have tried to kill myself 3 times. I realized by the third time there was some reason I was failing and I figured […]
It’s Sunday night, and as usual I’m stuck inside. No one trusts me to go out anymore and I always feel as though I’m on lock down. I’m bored. I don’t really want to play video games or watch movies, I have been doing nothing but that for the past month. Hoping some of you out there want to lighten up the mood, weekends are hard for me and apparently that’s not so uncommon. Especially since I know there are things I could be doing but can’t because it’s so hard to travel where I am without a car. I should have asked to get […]
So tomorrow (US time, the 3rd) is my birthday… this morning i received a notification from what i have dubbed “the SP birthday bot.”
SP birthday bot claimed the “honor” of “drawing first blood” on birthday wishes.
The irony is potent.
Imagine… a person trapped in a life they wish had never occurred, who has frequented a suicide-centric website for over a year… receives a BIRTHDAY wish, from this site’s computer program (“bot”), prior to anyone else who has ever known me (aside from my mom and the older of my two half-sisters, with both of whom i share a domicile).
The first entity outside my residence, to mention […]