Fucked up fact about me, people that care and try to help me annoy me. So what kind of person does that make me? I have dark thoughts and I don’t feel guilty about them either and sometimes that worries me. I want to love someone, I want to care, I want to feel something good but I can’t. I feel nothing but hate, annoyance, and anger, nothing more and its eating away at me. There aren’t any good parts of me left, I’m glad no one likes me that I matter to no one I’m glad I pushed them all away. Because if they […]
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Everyone thinks they know best, exactly what you need and if you disagree it’s your illness. How the fuck do they know? I’ve been “ill” for 10 years and now everyone wants to tell me what I need to do. At the end of the day they can label you anything but you’re the only person who truly knows who you are.
So after about 2 hours of sleep last night, I bolt up wide awake after yet another extremely vivid dreams that I’m sure was chock full of all sorts of metaphors about why I need to die soon. Exhausted, but I know I’m not going back to sleep. I start playing some poker online, won a bit, then lost a bit, so broke even. Feeling a little better about not getting wiped out at poker. But my mind keeps drifting back to my dream. It’s difficult to know if it was a nightmare or not. It’s wasn’t unpleasant. And perhaps that is the nightmare. It […]
Why did I have to end up right here in this place? I am a very cold person now, I mean in order for me to show any type of care and love I have to really really love a person. Generally I’m cold and uncaring and distant and I get annoyed by people a lot. I actually like being alone for the most part, I kind of drag when I have to go out with people. Times like right now I just look at my life and wonder what happened, what did I do so wrong that I’ve reached this point? That i’m this […]
I can’t begin to describe the hell that I’ve been put through for the last 8 months. I won’t even try. All I can say is that I have been scammed, robbed, taken for all I have/had and left to suffer the financial consequences, the shame and the betrayal. I can’t believe that someone that I helped through the worst times of their life could do this to me. Bottom line, they robbed me for close to 30k.
All I can think about is that if there was ever a time to end my life, now is it. This is rock bottom. This person has made […]
I was born to parents with a failing marriage. My father is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, now in recovery. My father cheated on my mom which eventually led to divorce. I still don’t know the real reason behind what happened. My father was barely honorably discharged from the military. Since I started school I would take in everything and not do any work and not turn anything in. Before you ask, no I do not have ADHD or any clinical diagnosis besides chronic depression. I am an avid musician, I’ve traveled Europe with a music group..I still want to end this life though. I’ve […]
The thing I really don’t understand is why certain people on this planet have the indecency to bring other people down. Whether it be there music choice or fashion sense or whatever you can judge on. Believe me when I say i’ve been bullied but i’m not to sad or upset by it because those people that bullied me made me hold my head up a little higher. You will not kick me down because while your over there talking about me and getting these nasty ugly rumors out of your mouth just know that i’m not worried about a damn thing you have to […]
There’s no easier way to sum it up than just simply: I hate who I am and what I’ve made of my life.
At 24 I am a nothing. I didn’t used to be this way.
A [usually in denial] alcoholic, I’ve become alienated from many close friends who I just feel ashamed to be around. I do nothing but ruin nights out and become a burden on everyone. I’ve tried so hard to stop, but it always comes undone. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, you’d think I’d learn by now, but it still feels like every time will turn out differently and I’ll be better.
An […]
I honestly wish I could be one of those pretty girls who everyone adores and compliments all the time.
I wish I didn’t get criticised by my own family every single day to the point where I wish I didn’t exist.
I wish I was the perfect person you’d see on the street who loved her life
I just wish I didn’t have to do so many things to get people in my own family to smile or laugh or even try to make them like me.
I wish people liked me for me.
I’m doing this today evening. Don’t know what to do now. I packed everything I’m gonna need (not much, I won’t have a lot to carry), now I just need to get dressed and then I’m leaving but I have no idea where and how should I spend all those hours until evening. Can’t talk to anyone today because I have a big mouth and I’d just tell them everything. I regret not finding a suicide partner a few days earlier, when I was thinking about it, a day spent with another person wouldn’t be so long and boring. I miss my friends so badly […]
nothing is the same im fighting for controle im sick to my gut i need a joint im hot and sweating and for what… for love the most beautiful thing in the world yet when it even stagers form the tracks it hurts its worth it i know it is i feel like shit i feel sick i feel so fucking alone why WHY ITS NOT RIGHT iv put so much in to so meny people and this is what i get out of it a life that with out one person in it will end up back were it was why i dont know […]
Life’s just one great big illusion.
People telling you how to live your life, how to look, how to act, how to feel.
But screw all that.
We’re all the same.
Even if you’re always getting the short end of the stick and the asshole next to you’s rich.
Just remember that it’s all some big illusion, you’re the one who’s the better person.
Music qoute of the day: “America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition, get yourself a brand new motor car. Someday soon we’ll stop to ponder what on earth’s this spell were under, we made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are.” – […]
I want to cry, I keep going from feeling pain and hurt to feeling numb. I get really annoyed with certain people and I don’t know why, just them txting me will just annoy me. It sucks all of it the whole concept of life, of living. No matter how hard I try to care to want things for myself I can’t. I’m working and going to school and putting in all my time and efforts to being the best I can be, but at the end of the day I don’t care it doesn’t mean anything to me. My life is empty and I […]
I don’t form connections with people easily and when it rarely happens the other person runs a mile because I don’t deal well with it. But this time with this one person she didn’t turn her back on me. She listens to what I say for the most part, doesn’t just ignore me like everyone else did and makes me feel like I exist and matter.
I haven’t been coping very well with living lately. We work together in a high pressure environment which has me stressed out for most of time. And the past few days we’ve been arguing which I NEVER do with anyone. […]
I’m not quite sure of who I am.
sometimes I like to think that I am a perfectly fine teenager because isn’t the biggest symptom of madness denying you have a problem? if I admit to this I am probably not quite insane, am I?
but I’m too tired too tired to care too tired to live all I want is to fall into a deep slumber forever and ever…
its painful to wake up everyday dreading that you’re gonna live.
life has been deliriously tiring lately I don’t even know what I’m doing. sometimes I wish I could drag that blade across my wrist hard but no matter […]
I haven’t been the same person I have been. I use to be a happy confident person. Now I just feel worthless and a waste of a person. I was a US soldier until I gave up on that because of my ex wife not wanting me anymore. She has been the main reason why I have been in this rut. I thought she really loved me and ending up leaving me while I was in service. If she didn’t want to be with me why would anyone else want to? I gave up my dream and passion to peruse our love and try to […]
I want to die. No, I want to be brutally And painfully tortured and murdered. This is how much I hate myself. Everyone else pretty much feels the same way and there’s a reason for it. I’m a completely unlikable person. A mess that could never be loved, pity is not even reserved for people like me. I’ve even turned the person I love more than anything in the world, my best friend, my ally, my partner, completely against me. He can’t even summon up any type of positive feeling for me. I feel so lost, I don’t even know how I’m still alive. He […]
Well, the way I see it, at this point in my life the depression has the biggest chance of winning… But I’ll be damned if I’ll sit by and let it take me down without a fight.
I know my chances of surviving until the next year are very slim. I’ve accepted that. Death does not haunt me, but neither does it call my name as intently as it did several days ago.
After reading over everyone’s encouragement and advice, I’ve made up my mind. I can either succumb to the darkness right now or I can try as hard as I can to escape it. Granted, […]
As a depressed person, I always hear “Stay strong, God will help you.” or “God had better plans for you.” and a whole lot of other shit. Neither me nor my friends believe in God. Why would we? If God is so great, why would he let us suffer like this? Why would he let some people take their own life? Why would he put us through Hell? I’m a much firmer believer of The Devil than I am of God. If God really existed, he wouldn’t make us stop believing in him. Get your shit together! Open your eyes! God. Is. Not. Real!
I’ve been told to look to the future, but I feel so cramped now. My past can make me cry on the spot and the pain in the past is so unbearable I look to options that are frowned upon. The present is also unbearable, being tired and stressed out, and my future only holds ridiculous amounts of stress. The future is just, too much. I don’t even want to think about next week let alone the upcoming years. Even when I’m in my thirties, I’m going to have this stress. How are we supposed to live like this?
How can you get on with your […]