Pills make the pain numb but still have that mind spinning.
Tag:
Pills
Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have been depressed since I was 10 years old. I’m 14 right now. I have attempted suicide 4 times. I have tried to drown myself, I have thrown myself down stairs trying to break my neck, I have tried strangling myself, and I have taken 15 pills. Today, I was bickering with my boyfriend John all day. We argued over him eating, me eating, and me cutting myself. First time we argued it wasn’t that bad. Then I told him that I was craving blood. He didn’t quite understand. So then I went upstairs to […]
Hello im elena. Im 17 years of age and i am suicidal. There is not one day that goes by that i don’t think of suicide. I am going through severe depression. I feel like everyone in the world is fake to me i hate myself, i really do. I look at myself in the mirror and think to myself i am so ugly,fat,useless,worthless. No boy really likes me for me? They just wan’t me for other things not to really love me. I cry myself to sleep everyday because of how much i really hate what i have become. Why is that i feel […]
I have been planning for months. I told my friends and they don’t believe me. I told my therapist and she thinks I should go on medication. I have borderline personality disorder and ever since I have been diagnosed with it it has made me feel even worse. I never wanted an excuse. I don’t want to know the reasons why I act. I don’t want to realize that it’s my fault everyone has left me. So I’m done. I’m going to buy a couple bottles or boxes of pills from several stores so they can’t restrict what I buy. I’ll get alcohol from guys […]
i cant sleep, its not working! its like 4 am where i am and I CANNOT FUCKING REST IN THE SLIGHTEST OF FASHIONS. you would think after having insomnia fro 4 years i would know how to deal with it, but i dont i just get angry and frustrated then waste my days in a fuzzy, sleep deprived blur. people complain about missing one or two nights sleep and im just there being like ‘dude nto only did i cut myself and consider suicide last night but i havent slept properly in over a week’. and when i do sleep.. bad things very bad things […]
no one could ever have enough impact to change the thoughts, when i’m alone
by Knightofdoom
written by Knightofdoom
I really really reallly don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t handle my emotions. whhhhy do i have to be such a failure in life, no matter what i do or who i meet, it never changes anything i  feel. It honestly become a burden, to freinds and family. I feel bad being such a mope, but that only because i’m dying more each and every day. and this pain, that holds me down, just never goes away.
I talk to people, and they all seem to relate in some way, I was talking with one of my new friends and they telling me, how […]
I wish I could smack all the people who lied to me and told me my life would get better just so that I would not kill myself. Since then my life has gotten progressively worse. I lost everything. My apt, my money, my personal possessions, went into premature labor at 6 months then lost a pregnancy for the second time in less than a year. In order to get through the day I would have to take 4 pills daily that have side effects like hair loss. weight gain (yippee) and the tendency to make me feel like a fucking zombie….I’ll pass. Death is […]
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
To start I have been watching this site for a year. I have witnessed sorrow, pain, emptiness, death, and living the life of death. I have also watched a few people climb from the edge and feel wonderful.
I am so sorry to tell you this but that lasting happiness is a lie. Someday everything you built will come crashing down. Your spouse will leave you sure to your mental wearing them down. Those people who can see the worlds splendor will never truly understand us.
I have a good job, a sweet step-daughter, a beautiful wife, and the cutest dog in the world.
I […]
This whole thing is just so confusing and depressing. Last month I spent 3 weeks in a psych ward. I was brought in handcuffs in an ambulance having swallowed 59 pills and downed a bottle of vodka. The doctors call it an episode. I cut my long hair to above my ears too before the police came. I guess I should fill you in: I had this episode around 2am one night near the end of Feburary. On top of the booze and pills, I cut my hair and was kicking things and throwing things at walls, screaming and making rediculous amounts of noise. I’m in […]
I don’t like the greedy psychiatrist that shoves pills down everyone’s throat in order to buy a $300 tie. I don’t like the yuppies that play golf on a nice evening while slavekind pays off their “debts”. I don’t like the alcoholics. I don’t like the party-ers. I don’t like the girl that is so desperate for attention to the point of it being sickening. I don’t like the person that doesn’t say “hello” when I say “hello”. I don’t like the soccer moms that think they’re properly raising their children, when they’re not. I don’t like politicians. I don’t like “famous people”. I don’t like the […]
Who is this quiet girl?
The one with the scars
What makes her so deplorable?
Why is she so marred?
Why don’t you ask her?
“What is your life story?â€
Are you afraid to stir
A pot already overflowing?
Do you know sometimes
That’s all she needs?
A kind caring stranger
To let her feel seen
But you stay away
You never seem to think
About her or the fray
She keeps underneath
Why do you ignore
Her transparent mask?
Can you not see
She wants you to ask?
But you are repulsed
With no obvious cause
Why are you appalled
By someone so small?
Is it this aura of death […]
well, it’s cause I have nowhere else to go; nothing else I want to do besides wallow in misery.
Or misanthropy. Misanthropy in me is more real than I ever thought. I could have sworn that I started having delusions and psychological disorders of my own accord, because I was bored and needed something to think about. I really do dislike people though. Not because I think they’re evil or destroying the world or anything, they’re just not my cup of tea.
People live through their mouths, always talking, always consuming; don’t they get tired? I’ve been tired going on 4 years now.
Or 3 years. […]
I know I keep posting…basically I guess I am trying to get my thoughts,feelings out before I die. I dont want to be saved,Im too far gone at this point. I think as I draw closer to the end I just need to purge this poison as much as possible….so bear with me. Or dont,I guess no one needs to read this. Dont necessarily need a reply.
Had another huge fight with BF on phone last night..still refuses to come back home,now trying to say he wants to talk to my therapist first. he keeps threatening to stay down there and never come back. His goddamn […]
i took some pills earlier. i was supposed to just take one, i took seven. i wasn’t even thinking when i took them. i only realized after the fact. what the hell is wrong with me/
So, this is odd I’ve never let out but now I don’t know I feel its necessary to put this out there I feel as if nothing truly matters anymore and I just don’t seem to care about anything including my own life by now..And also I’ve been so depressed and unhappy I know oh woe is me…I just feel the need to write this, I’ve never been truely happy it’s been so long I numb this pain that I occasionally get with pills alcohol and drugs and I feel great like nothigs wrong and lately I started to get the itch to do it […]
People always say things would be better in the morning. They aren’t. I wake up and feel the same way and have the same problems. I wish i was dead. I wanted to die last night, and realized that I threw my pills down the toilet a few months ago. I stopped the meds the doctors gave me, so, I had nothing to take. They were anti depressants. I can’t even cut myself, because, I can’t stand the smell of blood. There isn’t a tall enough building around to jump off, and getting transport now is a *****. I can’t get into any of the […]
I posted on monday, saying that i will overdose on medication and i actually did that. I did a suicide attempt on tuesday. Well, i actually knew i was going to survive because i knew the pills weren’t enough to make my heart stop beating. I took 19 pills of efexor with cough syrup. I went to school and they’ve called an ambulance there. It was to late to empty my stomach. When i was in the hospital they’ve let me drink something that looks like black waterpaint with sand. It didn’t tasted but the feeling was awful and they’ve took soom blood. They wanted to […]
I will be 15 in 3 weeks. My depression started when i was 13. I began to start cutting myself. Now i have scars left on my arms as a memory. The last time i cut was in December. I would cut whenever something would really upset me. Then when i was 13 my mom implied that i was fat so i developed an eating disorder and i lost 30 pounds from that so far. I have not recovered from either. I have a tendency of relapsing. When all of this began someone came into my life and he tried to help me. He was […]
Nurses whispered, like a constant buzzing
Looking down on us, judging us
She rested on the bed next to me
Sick from the pills they gave her
Listen        Â
Follow
Conform
In a place where friendship is weakness
Eleven is too old for trust
Never asked but always taken
Pain is exchanged for freedom
Smile
Adapt
Recover
Running scorching water over my hands
The first time I tried to burn
Unyielding ghosts clung to me
She watched lazily from her bed
Haunting
Deceiving
Thief