People always say things would be better in the morning. They aren’t. I wake up and feel the same way and have the same problems. I wish i was dead. I wanted to die last night, and realized that I threw my pills down the toilet a few months ago. I stopped the meds the doctors gave me, so, I had nothing to take. They were anti depressants. I can’t even cut myself, because, I can’t stand the smell of blood. There isn’t a tall enough building around to jump off, and getting transport now is a *****. I can’t get into any of the tall buildings cause they are closed. Sigh. I passed though the day thinking I made it without dying. I look at it as a milestone. I have to live each day in the moment. I try so hard to stay strong. So hard. But, I am really tired of trying. Having to deal with the ones close to me trying petty shit. I try to ignore. The stress is killing me. I’m tired all day long, and can’t sleep well at night. My bedtime feeling before I go to sleep is hoping to die. I try to put my mind somewhere else, and it just doesn’t work.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
Tell me about it. Different day, same old crap. It’s difficult to be spontaneous when you know the outcome. Maybe it would be a good idea to base every decision from what you eat for breakfast to whether or not you get married on the flip of a coin. It would make life more interesting for sure.
lol. you’re right about that.
Hi. I had to get off “their” laptop yesterday, before I could see if you were doing better… Hadn’t been able to use my own for almost a year in a half. Happy to say I won a small victory today, and after begging, I got my laptop wire back… you see, I really wanted to check in with all you lovely people and see how you’re all doing..
I am sad though that you are not feeling better today.. but I really think feeling better will be difficult because you stopped your antidepressants. It is the hardest, and most dangerous time after stopping them.You either have to a) tell your doctor how depressed you are (that you are suicidal) and that you do infact need professional help. Then tell them what happened, the truth, (that you threw away the pills) and I am sure they will give you an emergency prescription. But please tell them to monitor your dose, and give you a smaller dose at a time (it is VERY difficult to die from an overdose from them, it’s SO much easier just to live) Or b), and this only is if you believe you were misdiagnosed, and were giving those meds as an easy fix, is to let them wear off, but be careful to not do anything drastic, until you feel like your normal self. First off, do you think you are clinically depressed, or are you misdiagnosed? If you think you are misdiagnosed, try to go in for another evaluation. In my case, I was given Zoloft by an uncaring doctor, who I only met me for a few minutes before writing off a prescription, and judged me without knowing my history as being “depressed” , and then tossed me aside, (only met him once more few days after that) Nether the less, I stopped the Zoloft a few months later, and it actually made the problem worse.. that is for only a year -I felt crazy, over emotional, unstable, until I returned more towards my usual state. But then again I was a teen, back then (14) and I think antidepressants are more dangerous for that population (when they are misdiagnosed as clinically depressed, that is).
U said you were 30, or am I getting u confused with someone else? If you’re an adult ,your condition may infact be clinical depression,, idk, I really think you should go back on the meds… in fact, I REALLY hope and beg you to go back on them and wait and see if you feel better. Chances are that if it kept you alive this whole time, it will work and make you feel MUCH better. Please?