People always say things would be better in the morning. They aren’t. I wake up and feel the same way and have the same problems. I wish i was dead. I wanted to die last night, and realized that I threw my pills down the toilet a few months ago. I stopped the meds the doctors gave me, so, I had nothing to take. They were anti depressants. I can’t even cut myself, because, I can’t stand the smell of blood. There isn’t a tall enough building around to jump off, and getting transport now is a *****. I can’t get into any of the tall buildings cause they are closed. Sigh. I passed though the day thinking I made it without dying. I look at it as a milestone. I have to live each day in the moment. I try so hard to stay strong. So hard. But, I am really tired of trying. Having to deal with the ones close to me trying petty shit. I try to ignore. The stress is killing me. I’m tired all day long, and can’t sleep well at night. My bedtime feeling before I go to sleep is hoping to die. I try to put my mind somewhere else, and it just doesn’t work.