well last nights plan didn’t workout to well waking up in hospital on a drip I need to think of a different method because I don’t think things will get better and iv lost the will to live so I don’t like the idea of crawling though life
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Plan B
Right now, my coping mechanisms are overeat, drink, pray to God that I don’t wake up when I finally get to sleep, and the best so far is rationalizing suicide and coming up with an exit plan. Work doesn’t want me anymore, so I’m not even productive. With a Plan B, it is extremely relieving to finally have SOME control over what is going on with my body. That’s my best coping mechanism.
Does anyone have better ideas for coping?
it has been a week since last week’s drama. i go in for an appt tomorrow and i am nervous. going to the scene of the crime. i hope no one there will recognize me as the loser who had a police escort out of the building. my emotions run the gamut from being hopeful about the future to actively suicidal. even when i was at the hut i found myself writing down lyrics to songs about suicide. if you are into rock music you know metallica’s fade to black and megadeth’s a tout le monde. again my “death wish” comes through. the fact that […]
Suppose you had a plan A and a plan B. Plan A is the best thing that ever happened to you. Plan B is suicide. And for months plan A is coming along great. And then suddenly plan A is taken from you. Wiped out of existence. Then plan B starts to look nice and nicer. I mean, plan B was always there right? Always at the back of your mind anyway, so why not? Why not? And plan B has a definite date. And it’s coming soon. You have it all planned. Yet, you’re still holding on to plan A deep in your […]
I am at the lowest i have ever been in my life. Sad to say, but i am starting to understand why people kill themselves. I am so depressed and can’t seem to shake it off. Im 27, a broken engagement sent me over the edge. I let any relationship im in consume my entire life and im never happy anyway because i cant seem to trust any man and end up being a crazy ***** for my insecurities. Im in love with a drug addict/alcoholic. He is a horrible person. He lies, steals, embarrasses me and doesnt work, but yet im completely addicted to […]
I knew I was pregnant, at only 16 the morning sickness had made my day a living hell. No one knew, and I wasn’t old enough to buy Plan B. No one knew, not even my boyfriend. I’m sure my friend had figured it out. On top of having trouble in school with my severe A.D.D and having my mother threaten to kick me out, my abusive father, and having a rare form of Multiple Sclerosis (M.S) I was sure things couldn’t get much worse. So one night after everyone went to sleep.
I sat in the bathroom, watching the tub fill with steamy water. I was already drowsy from […]
The only way I can keeping going is to know I have a back-up plan already to go. A loaded, short barrel, pump action shot gun under my bed. I’m so close, it will be awesome, peaceful, no more pain. Plan B makes me feel great, just pull the rip cord !
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
I have come so far! I started contemplating suicide at the age of 6! probably not an accurate number but i was that young. I am 25 now! I have cried so hard everytime i tried, but now there is a sense of peace that overcomes me when i think of going through with it. The only thing that makes me weep is when i think about the turmoil i will cause my 2 daughters. I am a great father. i wonder if i was a dead beat, would this be easier. Almost everything about my life makes me want to end it all. My […]