Thursday morning… This existence is painful, I cant take it anymore. I have no friends all of them have betrayed me, or fucked me over. My family offers no support with anything that I’ve ever done. Every girl I’ve ever met has used me, cheated on me, then got their new boyfriends to bash me. I was abused as a child by step father, and abandoned my real father. Every choice I’ve ever made has been wrong in someones eyes. My best friend overdosed on ice, and has been in a psych ward for the past 3 years, he doesn’t even know who I am. […]
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Psych Ward
someone very close to me decided to tell the school i had a hitlist (which i didnt have) they found the pot i bought instead sent me to counseler after sduspending me and pressign charges so i decided to answer eveything truthfully and i showed my cuts and burns and they are now makeing me do counseling after trying to put me in a psych ward and i honestly cant take shit anymore they treat me like im some kind of fucking freak in a circus i want out i just cant fucking do this shit anymore
I might have to kill myself tonight.
Everything just fucking fell apart on me,
I have no idea what to do about it.
I died inside and no one is here to help me through this.
I’m afraid I won’t succeed and I’ll end up somewhere in the psych ward.
I’m so afraid.
Life sucks so bad right now,
I’m so sick of this right now.
My friends leave me out all the time and I feel so left out all the time.
I can’t do this anymore. Really, I can’t.
I just feel awful all the time.
Depression is eating me up. Bad.
I wrote that on my arm last time I was on a psych ward, and then was about to take my life when the girl with learning disabilities across the hall from me came and knocked on my door wanting me to do her nails. She had been through so much and we were friends, she really didn’t deserve to have to watch me be brought out in a body bag which would have happened right outside her room. So I held on for a while and now I feel the same hopelessness again, the same desperation I just wish there was a way to […]
This whole thing is just so confusing and depressing. Last month I spent 3 weeks in a psych ward. I was brought in handcuffs in an ambulance having swallowed 59 pills and downed a bottle of vodka. The doctors call it an episode. I cut my long hair to above my ears too before the police came. I guess I should fill you in: I had this episode around 2am one night near the end of Feburary. On top of the booze and pills, I cut my hair and was kicking things and throwing things at walls, screaming and making rediculous amounts of noise. I’m in […]
I don’t think I want to die. I don’t really want to live though. I’ve dug myself into a hole and I don’t see a way out. I dropped out of college twice, I lost my job, I tried to kill myself, I spent two weeks in the psych ward, I don’t have friends anymore. How am I supposed to bounce back from that? I’m starting from nothing and I don’t have the energy to do anything drastic enough to make my life better. I’m not even sure how I could do that.
Some people tell me to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself, […]
I’ve probably had depression my whole life. It runs in my family, and I was diagnosed at age 13. I am now 18. When I was 13 years old and in the eighth grade, my mom passed away unexpectedly on the morning of Christmas Eve. I began seeing therapists, but it was too soon and I got frustrated and was not getting the help I needed. The very same day I lost my mom, I was forced out of my house by the police. My father, brother, and I had to find somewhere else to live. We moved 5 times between Christmas 2006 and May […]
Let’s say you’re feeling like life is completely hopeless, and you just want to end it all. Some well-meaning person drops you off at the psych ward where you’re greeted with more pills, more doctors, and depressingly weak coffee (I’ve been there). There’s nothing terribly interesting to do, so you get bored. Maybe your new medications have terrible side effects. Maybe you get frustrated about being treated like a crazy person and you tell yourself, ‘I have sunk to a new low; I’m screwed’. You notice how odd it is that a facility designed to treat severely depressed people is so depressing.
Occasionally the doctors ask […]
I cut myself tonight. Pretty badly actually. I haven’t cut myself for nearly six months. I was actually feeling really good today, but then everything just kind of fell apart. Nothing of censequence really happened to make me feel this way, it was just a bad mood swing. I wasn’t really thinking at all when I grabbed the exacto-knife from my drafting and jabbed it into my arm, I was bleeding worse then I ever have before.
But now I’m just really pissed at myself. What the fuck was I doing? The bleeding is starting to slow down, but I feeling kind of light-headed.
I’ve never cut […]
Today is the fourth day of living on 2 hours sleep; used every pill imaginable. I must have an iron liver, I take so many different types of drugs. The sleep deprivation is what kills every single positive neuron in my brain. I medicate, meditate, and nothing is working. This has been the case for years.Â
Today is horrible. Just going to take one step after another and then one more until night falls. Try all over again, listening to “Sleep Cd” about four times.Â
Once I tried the car in the garage attempt, my dog got my husband […]
 I’m forwarding you this just so you can understand a little of what I’m going through right now. I don’t want you to do anything with this, it’s just to help you understand.Â
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My life has been a life of trauma. My mother sent me away(I reminded her of him too much)Â for many weeks, at 8, when my brother was crushed by a brick wall. I saw it all. I was not allowed to cry over his death. I was forced to pour soil over his urn. We had always been stuck together like glue.
 At 14 I was gang raped in broad daylight by some […]
Well, it’s about that time…again! I am awaiting the police to serve my warrant and take me to jail for defrauding my bank (1800.00)…but I had too, I had to pay the rent, bills and put food on the table for my family! I tried to explain to them, but money matters more in this world than life or so it seems! I already have a criminal background in fraud from years ago, always trying to support my family seems to get me in trouble. Yes, I have a job but it does not pay all the bills and we get further in debt everyday. […]
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