I know I have made seriously idiotic choices while ‘living’ in a zombie-like fog for a very, very long time; I’ve been so lost and absent for what seems like an eternity and I feel horrible for it. I am frozen. And it’s not fair to those around me, who watch as I walk around numb and oblivious. For so long. And I wonder what it all means. And I ruminate endlessly, stuck within my own self-imposed prison. I try to stay positive. I know I have been stronger, that I’m smarter than this, that this isn’t who I really am…or are those lies? So […]
Tag:
real
I wonder how suicide project would look if it was a real place like a lil town or room would it be a fun place were we don’t have to wear masks everyday and just be who we are handing out razors to people who self harm walk around with our scars out without question ? A place were we get our medication at noon lol or would it be like we in a mental asylum with no guards ? Or would it be a place were we can find a suicide partner Laugh talk about all our problem for hours then at midnight blow […]
i wonder how much more can a fragile mind take before it cracks and you become a sociopath/psychopath
like fuck me im on my way there depressed suicidal anxious insomnia depersonalisation borderline personality disorder self harming If I run around cutting my self thats pretty much ok but if I do it to another person I’m a psychopath right ? Haha I think I need to be put away in a padded room with one of them hug yourself jackets til they can give us brain transplants or we wire this 1 cause it’s pretty message up
god dishing out any miracles ?
My prays go unanswered I’m […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I don’t know..
Are all my problems enough?
Is it enough to die?
Perhaps I’m just a young naive girl, in her depressed years, before she’s a woman. Think she’s the only person and her problems would change the world.
I don’t know.
There a so many people, with so many problems. I don’t know them all. Perhaps their life is much harder, than my life it is and they still alive.
What is a real reason, to kill yourself?
Are my problems enough to die?
I don’t know.
How do I get my hands on antidepressants?
As in, how do I get the psychologist to prescribe me antidepressants? Its literally the only thing I went in for. I want to see if real pills will affect anything overtime, not those, “TODAY I WANT YOU TO TRY AND…”
I want some real, accurate method. Is there any way? What can I say? I don’t want to directly ask, what if they think I’m, I don’t know, forcing it for the wrong reasons? I don’t know at all. It was the main reason why I went for a psychologist. To see if real help will come my […]
isit just me I feel like I have no purpose being here on earth I feel alienated I’m just floating though life like a leaf in the wind no real goals just making a mess of things no real meaning to be a live I no life is what u make it but I really haven’t got the energy to keep fighting we all end up in the same place anyways rich poor Healthly etc isit because I’m depressed anxious and suicidal and il been researching it sounds like iv got depersonalisation is that why I’m floating not connected to my body or isit just […]
The Early Intervention team called my therapist to say they’re not bothering with me again. She said they told her I’m not psychotic. I could’ve told her that.
If it were psychosis then this wouldn’t be real. The voices wouldn’t be real, the Angels wouldn’t be real, the others wouldn’t be real, the demons and shadow people wouldn’t be real. But they are real.
They said it might just be down to my depression and anxiety. Okay. They can say that, but it’s not. They’re just real, and that’s not down to anything.
I see my therapist next Friday now, so I’ll tell her it was a waste […]
I sometimes wish to die even though I’m not depressed. I don’t want to sound psychopathic, but I guess I like the word death. I want to get away with this world. I hate myself. I’m fat, stupid, insane, selfish… I don’t actually know my real personality. It changes every time I feel different, or when the place changes. Please, don’t hate on me or something… This is my first post and my only place I can be me, maybe. I hope I can find my real self one day.
Why can’t life be simple why is there so much pain and suffering why do we always want the things we can’t have were the light st the end of the tunnel when do we get to find happiness ? When u been suicidal for so long u start to question you existence what is the real meaning of life ? Iv bad enough of it all ready
My mood is seemingly leveling out after I cleared things up with a close one, and also simplified my life. I kinda closed the part of my life that concerned less than legal practices which did me wonders. I felt this impending sense of doom, like my life as I know and understand it could come to close. While a structured day with free meals and anal rape sounded lovely, what would I ever do without the internet? I still suffer from hyperhydrosis of the under-arms on a daily basis, which brings me enough tension to push me to the brink of suicide or total […]
what the fuck my mind must be really mess up shit I’m already suicidal then last night I dreamed of me dying or getting killed it was so real can’t remember but I know it was to do with my heart tho and I was on the floor ? Heart attack I ain’t looking to live that’s long shit I no we all die but when you start dreaming and living it u start to ask your self is this my destiny to die early ??
I wrote a previous post about me finally having the opportunity to see a psychologist. I also mentioned how I am going to end it all in a month.
Please hear me out:
I want the answers. I want to hear it from a real psychologist, the things I have. I want to know if there’s something else. I want to know if I have OCD or if its something else that makes me react at times. I want to hear the doctor confirm that, yes, I do have depression. Yes, I do have something. Yes, all my self-diagnosing was correct. I want to hear that I […]
So, theory today says one looks for what one needs. If you are eating a lot of sweets is because you need to treat yourself in a sweeter way. If you are looking for spicy things are you looking for something exciting?
What are you looking for and what would it mean?
(Wanting to die, like wanting a real rest? Wanting a total change?)
Let’s try and talk about little things…?
Had enough of theses four walls had enough of the same shit different day wake up go college going to work etc is this all there is to life ? What is our real purpose for being here apart from destroying the earth and destroying our selfs and then living another 50 years of being unhappy or like someone said on here to slave away to buy a house then call your self free but then your not really free because your stuck with a heavy mortgage over your head then your just living to pay that of but you have to want to live […]
Well I have officially been 5 months self harm free and the last of my scars have finally healed. thought you can still see some of them faint lite pink lines. But I am amazed at my progress though it is slow and the temptation is so real is not even funny. I am doing ok I started my new major this semester and starting to go out more. Though my depression symptoms are still there and haunt me from time to time there no where as bad as they used to be. I have not been to a counselor at any point during this […]
Anyone have any ideas for social interaction online? I mean a place that placates to the mentally ill, but is already well established. I just want to talk to some people, my social issues are too much to handle in real person, and I am just kinda lonely.
Any tips would be appreciated.
My husband hid the razor blades from me so I went and took a Lighter and put the edge to the flame then to my outer thigh i find i like this method better then cutting it leaves no real mark just a red spot that hurts when i touch it. I like the pain its what i deserve . i like the cutting too i left no scars but i liked the blood now i Like the pain.
I’ve been depressed for about 6 years now, I’ve tried medication, Alcohol, weed and more. Nothing works longer than 1 day before it comes back. I’ve planned my suicide many times, and I have always just delayed it, with the thought “What’s next?” in my mind.
Everyone I have ever met always dislikes me soon after, if not immediately after meeting me. I have felt so lonely for so long, and it’s killing me; I met this girl online, We’ve only been speaking about 2 weeks now, but I’ve always hoped she liked me. She lives in different country than me, but the hope was/is always there; […]
I have no idea if this is going to work right.
If you’re able to listen to the sound file, here’s the story behind it:
I wrote it in 2011, and it’s called “Requiem”.
A requiem is a song written to honor someone who has passed away.
I thought it might be nice played at my funeral.
I realize the instruments are all computery and fake sounding; it’s artificially generated sounds, and I’m sorry about that. I wish it came out better. It would be better with real people playing real instruments.
The instrumentation is as follows:
Piano
Acoustic Guitar
Cello
Electric Bass
String […]