Tag:
realize
Waiting… for someone
Waiting… for some time
Waiting.. Waiting.. why?
Always waiting for things to ‘get better’
Time to ‘feel better’
Better has eluded me for 30 years now –
I think that 30 years is far too long to wait.
I just want to close my eyes and be gone.
Endless waiting vs. endless sleep?
I choose endless sleep
And just when you find a flicker of hope,
you realize all you saw, was a reflection in
the mirror, a glimmer now gone, so too is my resolve
Do you realize how hard it is to smile when all you can think about is killing yourself?
you read your old posts. and you realize that they were written two years human time ago. the last post i write was in December. it feeled like yesterday. time is a scum, it won’t last long.
Everything I say is wrong
Which is why I’m here writing this song
Everything I do can never be right
Which is why I find it difficult to see the light
Everything I say leads me to apologise
Which is why I’m sitting here trying to realize
Everything I do will never be enough for you
Which is why I really don’t know what to do
Everything is messed up
Which is why I always say “yup”
Everything is always my fault
Which is why my life has come to a halt
Everything makes me want to end it all
Which is why I curl up into a ball
Everything is me
Which is why I don’t know if I […]
I’ve lurked here for a few months now, rather accidentally discovering the site when I was dealing with a flare up of my own depression-like symptoms. In my time here, I’ve seen how incredibly caring and non-judgmental the regular community is on this site. I want to be a part of it.
Hello. I am PyroFalkon.
Here’s the thing with that username: five seconds of Googling will turn up my real name. Another five seconds will turn up my history. In those ten seconds, I’ve gone from an anonymous writer to a flesh-and-blood person with a real voice, real stories, real problems, and real accomplishments. I say […]
If you had the one chance to meet your past self, may it be your 5-year old or 12-year old, or your last year self, which age would it be? And what would you tell him/her?
For me, if I could meet my 12 year old self, I would tell her,
“Be happy. There’s no need to be so sad… It won’t solve anything nor is it of any use. Smile, because everything will be just fine. When you’re as big as me you’ll look back and realize the beauty is much more meaningful compared to the pain.”
SOCIETY: are you under 100lbs?
GIRL: no, but im happy.
SOCIETY: is your hair down to your ass?
GIRL: no, but im happy
SOCIETY: do you have huge boobs?
GIRL: no, but
SOCIETY: do you have a flawless smile?
GIRL: No.
SOCIETY: Do you realize how ugly you are?
SOCIETY: Do you realize that no one wants you?
SOCIETY: Did you realize your stupid?
SOCIETY: Where did you go?
SOCIETY: have you commited suicide?
SOCIETY: Omg, no, she was so beautiful, and special, and loved, she will be missed so much society is so ugly, why did she have to go?
I recently heard, in audio precepts, a book I had long sought in my adolescence called Harnessing Your Emotions by Andrew Wommack. Although this is a Christian take on psychology, it did help me realize that our emotions are controled by our thoughts not the other way around. This in turn has aliviated me of social anxieties, personality disorders and psychological ailments. The populous runs with the idea of psychology that our cirumstances dictate how we should feel and act which becomes our excuse for destructive behaviour.
For those who struggle to smile or get out of bed, hearing that “you choose to be happy or […]
This is my second post on here….when I say post, I mean not just making a comment on someone else’s account.
I promised a friend on Saturday, that I would take one day (today meaning Sunday) to really consider what I am doing. What I am planning to do, in hopes that I would find something within myself to hang on. He is a spiritual person, however I am not, at least not anymore and haven’t been in many years. However, it didn’t hurt for me to want to hold onto something, it didn’t hurt me to try. So with an open mind and heart, I […]
I don’t understand why individuals have this drive to have “life” insurance. The person paying into it is going to be dead by the time it can be used. Let’s be honest – you can only give money to the living.
I understand that the insurance is mostly to help pay for funeral expenses. but why must we have a traditional funeral for our lost loved ones? Why not have a free get together to remember them buy?
Now for cemeteries – why even have them in them in the first place? They take up space that can be used for something tangible. Gotta do something with […]
The world is fucking corrupted, society became nothing because we did nothing to make it something. People will walk over one an other for pieces of papers, we’re killing one an other, we’re killing our self without even noticing that we’re killing everything around us. in what fucking world am i leaving. if people could just open their eyes and realize that we’re fucking dying and of course as the selfish human being that we are we cannot go down alone we’re taking this world with use. We are the killers and the killed, we built things just to brake them, we take and take […]
Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.
I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.
I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been […]
my mind isnt racing, and it feels nice. i think alot of my problems are indeed mental illness. im working on taking my meds consistently, and also getting my health issues worked on also. But i realize that my mood swings, racing mind, and all that is a part of mental illness that i refused to acknowledged. I chose to hopefully be a high functioning bipolar person (and keep working on my health issues). i hope this mood stays. it is such a relief. (i still miss my libido though).
Unfortunately still alive. Yesterday one of my best friends from high school basically said she was going to kill herself. Seemingly she has it all. Born into money, comfortable, normal life that I’ll never have. She wouldn’t answer as to why.
And after all the pain, I still find myself loving the guy I fell for May 1st, the day we met. I know he’ll never give me a chance. He’s so stuck on looks and ‘proving himself’ to the world. I wish he could see it from a different perspective. One where he could realize he has someone who has given him so much, would […]
is being alive but wishing to die. To be in so much mental and emotional pain that life loses meaning. It’s sad to constantly expect the worst from people and feeling guilty when you’re wrong and realize that people can surprise you. We live in our own hells that we’ve created for ourselves so lost in our own pain that we can’t focus long enough to figure a way out. I am free of many pains that I thought I would never stop feeling. I care for myself in ways I couldn’t even dream of, this time I’m not just saying it. I have sadness […]
Sometimes we wake from a dream and realize we’ve been dreaming some part of that dream over and over again.
This morning I woke from a dream with the knowledge that I’d dreamt about the same fish tank many times.
The tank was covered by some kind of sheet, and had been neglected by me for such a long time that no fish could possibly be alive.
I left it alone and continued to ignore it.
Eventually, I decided to remove the cover, though I really didn’t want to. But I did. I don’t know the reason why I could no longer ignore it.
To my surprise, […]
I keep holding it in and nobody can tell. They think that I’ve become a better person. They think that I’ve changed. But what they don’t realize is that with each speck of additional anger I harbour inside of me, I have a growing desire to lash out, to hurt something. And now, I know that when I finally break and snap, I will take out everybody around me. The worst thing about it is I don’t feel any remorse about it. I want them to suffer. I want them to see what they have done to me. And whenever I think about this I […]
I have been depressed since I was very young. I’ve had bad and better periods, but it has always been there. I have accepted for awhile now that I will commit suicide at some point. The only thing that has ever held me back is the few people in my life who I care about, who care about me. I feel like a ticking time bomb, and that the longer I wait the more it will hurt others when I do it. I try pushing them away, but they see what I’m doing and try to comfort me by saying they care. They don’t realize […]
Bad luck never leaves.
Your jinx just floats around
Like the taste inside your mouth,
or the sound when your skull cracks.
Feel the growing pains.
It means you’re growing up too fast.
Telling white lies to black cats.
Stretch me out across the tracks.
While you were sleeping I was blood red,
sharp as a knife inside your stomach.
I’m squeezing tight; don’t let the light in.
No medicine.
Daydream tendencies had you smiling soft and sweet.
Keep those blurry memories somewhere safe-
you may need them.
You can make a wish,
but there’s no rabbit out the hat.
Realize it’s never coming back.
While you were […]