Here I stand, in front of the mirror once more. The disgusting creature standing before me is not me, not the me I ever wanted for myself. Unmotivated to even live my life anymore I see the imperfections of the body, the lies behind my eyes. I am not the type one would imagine to have such thoughts, I am the cheerful one, the intelligent one, the kind hearted soul. Even as I smile at myself I see the lie, the deceit behind the sweet gesture. I want so much to be saved by my lover, the man I have given everything to, but only solitude awaits me. I […]
I don’t wanna wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to find another revolting reflection.
I dont want to have to change seveen times because i look unattractive in over half of my cloths.
I dont wanna be afraid to wear a bikini anymore.
I dont wanna worry about if i rain out of make up because if i didnt wear it i’d look disgusting.
I dont wanna constantly feel the need to look in the mirror not out of vain, but to make sure i look […]
Bullying affects soo many people, and some, the way to deal with it is suicide. Some people are brought up in a household where there aren’t happy gatherings, where there is domestic violence, to the woman, and the children are abused, bashed. Some people are lonely. Have no freinds, family, attention. Where the view from their eyes are empty. There are people who are sexual assaulted, raped. Where they are used for sex and torture. There are people who get kidnapped, lets say, kept by a pedo for many years. Where they are tortured with rape, bad living, and are alone with fear. There are […]
I am sick inside. Alone, overwhelmed, confused, and filled with hatred for myself and regret for my life. I should never have been born. I told my dad that once, and he said it was an insult to him and to my mother. The funny thing was, he said it as if he thought it wasn’t meant to be. Well, it was. They were too young for kids when they had me. They were irresponsible, and their own parents were irresponsible. And you can probably trace it all the way back to the Stone Age. Too many people who had no business raising kids. And […]
Yesterday, someone told me that making goals in life was important. I asked him why. He more or less told me that man is meant for progress. I sat and questioned in my head, what is this progress that society in general seems to always pursue.
I do believe that humankind has made leaps in advancement of technology, medicine, and overall the knowledge of the world around us. Do I believe that we as a species have become any more enlightened in spiritual depth? In learning tolerance and understanding among each other, in compassion, in communication (not the methods of communication)? No.
With each era I […]
Tonight I sat in the mirror and told myself how worthless I was how nobody has never and will never love me, Something inside said to end it, I had a bottle or alcohol and a bottle of pills i picked them both up popped a pill in my mouth and thought for a second why do I have to feel like this why do I have to want to take my own life ? Because nobody understands ? Because the nights are sleepless ? because im alone ! Nobody cares i kept saying nobody ever dd just end it ***** , your […]
Looking in the mirror is often a strange experience for me. When I look in the mirror, I don’t usually hate what I see. I don’t have too many insecurities and I usually like my features and my long, curly hair. The problem is, I’m never sure what else I’ll see when I look at my reflection. There are times when I look at my face and I look so scarily like somebody else and it shocks me that no one else can see it. I’m permanently exhausted, as you can tell from the hollowness below my eyes. My lips refuse to twitch into an unreal […]
I’m the type of girl to put on an act to keep the world off my back. Even when I’m trying to push them away, I actually just want someone to stop me and tell me I don’t have to pretend anymore. I’m the girl who sits in her room crying, thinking back to the past and wondering how I ever made it this far.
Everyday I go to school and pretend to be that happy girl you’ll find in every class. Everyone buys my act and they think I’m happy, that nothings wrong, but they’re all wrong.
There will never be a time where I’ve never […]
A blade to my wrist
Like a flame to a fire
The reflection of the white light
The forever emptiness saying goodbye
Filled the hole with pain
Filled the empty with blood
The pain consumes me but I don’t want to stop
The darkness torments but I won’t open my eyes
The light blinds but I won’t turn away
This is my fate
My fate and mine alone to face
Suicide and Reclamation
It’s so cold and dark in this place
I’d cut myself open to show you
Our blood is the same
Water stings as it kisses cuts like my mothers lips
Something about submerging myself seemed to be like a baptism.
I remember when my pastor dipped me in the water.
I want to be clean again.
I want to tell you I’m sorry…for what I can’t remember.
All I know is that I was wrong.
Alcohol burned so much I thought it killed what made me sick even those dirty sinful memories.
I want to be pure again.
I want to hold someone […]
And into the world stared these gleaming blue eyes
Which she saw past its dimension and only despised
This beauty she portrayed everyone had seen
But disguised sadness she made it serene
The greatest flaw that had filled her heart
Perfection only the beginning, just the start
With blonde fine long hair hit right beneath her
waist
Glass mirror she had feared she now turned to face
The pale white skin was now deep within her reflection
And enemy she had seen, with this girl had no
connection
Tears streamed down and began to hit the sink
Matched the blood that seeped now combining to
pink
Cutting she thought was her only escape
From the horrid memories of […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
All i want is to feel normal and happy like i used to. I keep telling myself that in a couple of years I’ll just be a name, or a memorial a student passes on the way to their next class. I’ll cease to be an everyday thought and become a memory that manages to crawl its way back into the mind of a loved one every now and then. I’ll be what you strive to avoid. But what I will be can’t be any worse than what I am. I’m just another hopeless girl that can’t seem to get through life in one piece. […]
Okay, so, I’ve been diagnosed with depression for just over four years now, and frankly I’m getting a bit tired of it all. My friends simply do not have the capacity to understand. I, an eighteen year old girl, cannot stand my own reflection. I have created this smiling persona, which serves its purpose of falsely leading the people around me to believe that I am ‘okay’, who is able to get all A’s at A Levels, but actually, I couldn’t give a shit. But maybe that’s the fluoxetine speaking? A few grades can’t make me want to live any more than the monotonous personalities […]
i have loved words. their complexity. their vain reflection on the paper. their strokes on mcdonnald’s tissue paper as i sat by the corner with a black pen. the way they are tattooed on my thoughts. inked out of precise tune of delicate compilation of strings of grammatical compounds. their manipulative ways of tricking the ones who do not listen. words are by far the most genius and vilest invention. even so, i have loved words since the beginning. their binding ways of reaching out to their other halves, asking, begging to be complete. to be a sentence. their caring ways of understanding attitude. their […]
I stare in the mirror and see my reflection.Â
The girl standing there isn’t beautiful.Â
Beautiful is what I want to be,Â
Even if it is only in the eyes of the one I love.Â
But beautiful I will never be for my love sees me through my eyes.Â
Tears fun down my face as I take that blade, I cut deep so that I can forget my sorrowÂ
and focus on the pain.
Everyone at some point in their lives wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world and that nobody loves them, or worse will never love them. That they will wander blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping either inwardly or sometimes even desperately, that their life circumstances will improve, but fearing that it might not. That they will remain unloved forever or always struggling in existence.
The best thing to do in these situations is wake up, and realize you are ‘actually’ just (day) dreaming of a future.
I say go out and make one …. […]
I believe that our choice of music is very much a reflection of our souls. I’m a bit older than average amongst the people here. I feel fortunate to have come of age during one of the best musical booms in American history, New Wave, and its technological red-headed step child, synthpop. I’ve always been musically inclined, and I found I had a strong affinity for the pasty white boys standing behind keyboards pushing buttons in order to “play live”. My all-time favorite band is Erasure, whose popularity in America peaked when I was in college, but I frequently “worship” the “Holy Trinity”: Erasure, Depeche […]
To A Breathless Oblivion by The Black Dahlia Murder
the chair’s been kicked a rope tied to the rafters
blue faced and broken necked I sigh
relieving my vision from the sick mocking stare
of that hated sun burning the sky
slumped like a headless scarecrow
cold and limp against the wall
blood paints a pattern of rorschach’s design
thawing the winter that burdens this heart
shit stained and shameful
an exit in disgrace
not a splash but just a ripple left
I end this life in vain
in vain
in the dead of the darkness I breach the still lake
toward the reflection of […]
If there is some positive takeaway I can give to others before I go it is this:
There is far, far too much hurt in this world. Averting your eyes, looking away, looking down, trying to ignore another human being in pain is weak. Being jaded, cold, unfeeling or taking a hard line with someone who is in pain is cowardice.
Every single day, we are confronted with people suffering whether it be sorrow from a break-up or death of a loved one or being in a place where you go hungry and are cold at night, it’s everywhere. This world, life, it’s a ************. It isn’t […]
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