I have a huge crush on one guy from school for, like, forever now.. New country and new school was a rough start for me, but when I saw him for the first time, everything slowed down, my heart stopped and my brain freeze. His eyes are pale gray and when he looks at me I feel as if he is burning through my soul right out. It hurts my bones to see him, for a moment each time I see him I get a strange stabbing sensation all over my body. I am a pain addict in general, I don’t like self harm, but […]
Pain.
That’s the closest thing I have right now that will help me feel human. I have my family around and yet I feel so alone. They are not people I can talk to about these feelings. They just never understand. They think I’m only looking for attention. That’s why I keep these things from them all the time.
I feel so disconnected, I need something to bring me back to reality.
So yeah, pain. Just one cut. Just a glimpse of blood. That will make me feel alive again.
One thing I’ve learned in my life is that nothing can be generalized. Everything has their own unique application to our lives. Hence, I call this post “My” right to die.
My thoughts on death and suicide have been a blend of careful religious historical philosophical (even theoretical physics) study, and my own emotions. I would like to open up the idea of the first ingredient of my blend for our community’s discussion and for the reader’s additional insight.
Suicide as a right can be seen throughout our history. Various ancient cultures have seen suicide as an honorable way to die. […]
Hey guys. I am realizing something here. I have to move on. I have a picture with myself since I was 8 years old. I look at that picture and imagine what he wanted. He was a good kind child. His parents gave him the best they had. He had computer and a shelter+ food. Some of us don’t have this, some of us are paralyzed, having serious medical problems and the list can continue. The divorce of my parents and my introverted nature shattered my world, and the dissapointments with my exes. But still, like Salt said, I am good looking and smart. I […]
I’ve not had a laptop for a few weeks, which is why I haven’t updated.
This is going to be like full on diary entry material. I hope you don’t mind.
I’m having less and less to say every time I post on here now.. A lot has happened regarding friends recently. Too much to note down. One particular thing though, I’m drifting from my two best friends. I keep screwing up. I don’t want to make this sound like Its all about me, but I have no one else to blame but myself anyways.
I had a boyfriend recently too. Yeah, I know, surprising right? Well, here’s […]
I fucking hate sundays. Well I fucking hate that sundays have to end cause I really hate mondays.
I have a lot of papers to do and I should have delivered one of them this weekend. I’m lost. My mind isn’t working and I’m having a lot of anxiety right now. I’m so sick of this. Fuck you universe, just kill me already and stop fucking with me.
Fuck the sundays and the mondays what I really hate is myself.
I hate you little piece of shit. Always sad, always anxious. You have a awesome life why can’t you enjoy it.
And stop crying. Just go make […]
I can’t fucking stand it here. I hate this place. I love my field of work, but I hate the people and this entire work environment. I’m tired of being yelled at, especially for things that shouldn’t be my fault. I do what I’m told, so if I fail it’s because you didn’t tell me thoroughly what needs done. You can’t give me half of an assignment and expect me to know how to finish it correctly. But apparently that makes me a bad worker because I can’t read people’s minds or go back twenty years and learn how you guys do things here.
I don’t […]
I’ve been feeling weird for a day and a half, and it’s slowly starting to get to me. I’m not a self-harmer, but right now I want to cut myself so bad. I want to feel pain. I’ve always been someone who is against self-harm and thinks that it’s “stupid”, but right now I want to feel something other than this emptiness and sadness. I’m not scared, I don’t care that it’ll hurt.
I messed up. I messed up big time. I’m ready to end it. My girlfriend is freaking out and I’ve already said my goodbyes. All I have left to do is get my last few smokes in and then do it either by knife or taking as many pills as I can. I’ve lived way too long already. My grandfather died because I didnt call fast enough. I did something horrible to my cousin. I’ve hurt everyone around me. It would be better if I was gone. But I’m scared. I’m scared of pain. I was looking up ways of how to do it and […]
I know it isn’t healthy but I self medicate with alcohol to deal with my depression. Everybody thinks it’s a good thing that I drink a lot “Oh there he goes again at the bar! What a cool guy” or “Wish I could drink all the time like he does”. Going to the bar is comforting. I really like to see all the different people hanging out enjoying themselves. I almost always go alone, so the staff there kinda started to talk to me and I’m pretty good friends with them now I guess. But they aren’t really friends per se, just loose acquaintances I […]
There they are, all of the muses I’ve taken recently. God, what I’d give to not see this. What I’d give to forget them all and move on with life.
Little_Old_Me with her auburn hair, beautiful face, and lips I’d kill to kiss again. Sammi6xoxo, her tall, slender, frame with those eyes I write about so often.
Little_Old_Me.
She’s sitting on the curb. Right now she’s not wearing very heavy clothes, it’s still a warm Iowa summer and there’s no need. The long, auburn, hair I’ve grown to so admire is tied up right now. Beauty embodied. The slight curvature of her jaw, not too sharp, which […]
I usually don’t post twice a week. But I have no one else to vent to and I’m just on the edge. I have nothing going for my life. As said before, I’m getting kicked out of school and this is my last semester but my parents don’t know. If they find out, I’m not sure what would happen, but I still decided not tell them. I figured since I’m supposed to go back to school January 20th after the break, and I’ve already picked out my date on Jan. 9th (my birthday) so I guess I won’t have to worry about school anymore. Or […]
“The responsible one, the mature one, the reasonable and the rational one. No, I could never just take all that Xanax that’s not right. Gotta keep the grades up gotta stay smart gotta do it right or it all goes downhill.”
Right? That’s who I fucking am, right?
But, you see, I’m so god damned tired of being the responsible, mature, rational girl that knows not to make stupid decisions. Drugs and alcohol are no good, I know what they do to you. I’ve sat through every fucking school assembly about how deadly that lifestyle is, I’ve witnessed people go down that path and never return. But […]
So I haven’t been on this website in a while now. But I’m just in a bad place right now. I went off and started college and I thought everything would get better once I got away from the environment I was in,but everything just followed me. I started talking to one person who really wants to help me but the person is someone I can’t just entirely call up out of the blue and I don’t want to bug them with my problems because they have their own life and our relationship isn’t like that. And now I’m sitting here debating on what I’m […]
This morning I sent out all my thanksgiving text to my family and close loved ones. Tellin them that I love them and the reason why I’m thankful for them. At least they’ll know how I feel when I off myself. I’ve been on this site since 2012 and nothing hasn’t gotten better. It only got worse.
I guess this is why rape victims never come forward about anything. I’ve only told 5 of my closest friends and out of the five, two have told me it was my fault and one doesn’t believe me after I told him the whole story from start to finish. […]
I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go far away. Can I just die? There’s nothing to live for. I have people all around me but they’re not a good enough reason to make me want to stay alive. It doesn’t matter if I die right now. It would just save me the trouble since I don’t have plans for my future. The person I love the most is gone and there’s no reason to live without her. I’m thankful for the people around me since others have had it worse, but this is not what I want.
I guess I could say […]
I’m having a hard time on what I’m feeling with this guy in with. Seriously its like he gets mad for everything I can’t do right like fuck man I either want to have fun on gta ny way but nooooo like wtf n then same with our cat like I don’t know wht the fuck is up with this guy idk I just need to vent
Before I get into all the crazy stuffs, that’s been happening in my life… I felt like I needed to vent a little about love problems.
For some reason I’ve always had girls who were too good for me interested in me. Like these are my dream type of girls and they like me for God knows what reason, I am a really secluded and shy guy though, and I am Korean American.
Yet because of all these crazy things happening in my life that has some to do with religion, I always bottled myself out from the outside world, since I changed starting at 17 or […]
Barely could sleep last night, if anythig other than water enters my stomach it will come out right after, i’ve been hiding from my family as i don’t want them to see my teary eyes, it’s 10:30 pm it seems to get worst at night, the only place i feel safe is the living room i can’t even go to bed.
This just doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve always been a very independent person who never really needed anyone. But now that I’ve lost him, it hurts so much to see his face everyday for almost 2 hours and everyday we make eye contact. It’s like we know nothing about each other, we went from lovers and best friends in one to nothing. We know everything about each other. I miss him, the late night conversations, and just the simplest things remind me of him. The way someone says something or the places I go. It bothers me, feels like I’ll never get over him. […]