Tag:

scapel

I don’t feel safe anywhere else..

by BrooklynBoxx 1/24/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

The only place i really feel safe anymore is church, my friend andrew begged me for MONTHS to go with him and i caved in having given up on religion a long time ago.

Where was god when i got raped? Where was he when i asked for forgivness? To get past these feelings, to fight depression?

So i started going and i’ve started talking to a lady named candice, shes nice and is one of the youth counsulurs there. She knows a bit about my past, but i havent said much.. i’m scared their all gonna abandon me still. My trust, its so hard to earn.. […]

1/24/2013 5 comments

I just want control..

by BrooklynBoxx 1/4/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

Is it bad.. that i still fight for control.. after getting stiches twice from cutting “to deep” the first time i hit my tenton, about a year ago.. iÂ couldnt even move my left hand .. i didnt say anything for 3 weeks.. and the cut was still open.. i was in an intesive outpaitent center and finally they convinced me to tell my dad shall the doctor and they kinda i guess glued/burned it shut.. worse exspirence ever. Not stiches but you get the point..
The second time was about a month ago.. with the box of razors my x gave me i sliced at […]

1/4/2013 21 comments

I hate how he can get under my skin.. so easiley

by BrooklynBoxx 1/1/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

ive been trying to avoid my x for weeks.. cause i want to forget.. that i eever cared..
tonight i was talking his friend..
and
he was there.. so all my avoiding him has gone to waste.. now ive been on skype with him for about 4 hours and i know you’ll all say this is my fault.. and well i know it is.. I let him get ot me again. I wanna die. I hate this. I was planning my death tonight to. I gave my faimaly a chance to have fun with me for new years, and i gave them one last christmas […]

1/1/2013 2 comments

Time’s up

by BrooklynBoxx 12/29/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

Just called a suicide hotline.. they guy i talked to .. he just kept saying uh well you need to look at it from a better point of view.

I lost my 2nd oldest brother cause my oldest brother raped me! and you exspect me to look on the bright side. I look at his facebook everyday, hoping to get to know him. I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN BROTHER. And i hate it.. i hate it so badly. I only found out last week he’s graduated highschool.. i never knew.. i didnt know..

I miss him so badly, we would stay up reading the hungry catapillar, […]

12/29/2012 3 comments

Another Failed Attempt The First in Months

by BrooklynBoxx 12/18/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

I attempted suicide last night again.. but as you can tell i didnt succede. I took a handful of prenatal vitaims but just ended up heaving my guts out along with some blood. My dad and i got in a huge fight, cause i hung up on him in the morning while running for the bus.

It got worse when he planned TWO doctor appointments in the middle of my end of course test. I was pissed so i sent him a angry text in all caps. Then when i got home i went to a friends to install a game onto my computer and we […]

12/18/2012 5 comments

Should i use my scapel?

by BrooklynBoxx 12/17/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

Here i sit in class, reviewing for my end of course exams.. and all i can think about is suicide.. Cutting, im thinking about using my scapel for the first time. The sharpness is 0.6mm.. does anyone know how sharp that is .. like if i were just to press it lightly to my skin how deep would it cut me? I know many of you are gonna tell me not to cut, and are probally gonna avoid anwsering the question i dont blame you. But i wanna know ive looked it up on […]

12/17/2012 1 comment

No one wants me anymore..

by BrooklynBoxx 12/11/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

I got in a fight last night with my parents again. I’m a brat.. im a ***** the worst daughter in the world. I had a migrane cause my dad keeps FAILING to give me my meds on schedule and since theirs 22 of them starting and stopping them has major side affects. I fell asleep on the couch. After waking up at 11pmÂ i stood up to fix the pillows. And my my mom snapped saying i needed to clean them and what not.

I told her i just got up to do that and that […]

12/11/2012 21 comments

Help me…

by BrooklynBoxx 12/9/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

Im seeing them again.. the three black circals that cloud my vision…. I wanna cut so badly.. i was using my coping skills again tonight its 2am here. My most useful coping skill at the moment is drawing. My mom (step mom)Â came over to check on me i asked to have more paper. She said no that i need to stop distracting myself and get to sleep.. i just wanted to scream.

She’s the person who doesnt get it most of all. She’s super religious. She doesnt get that im bisexual. I’m just “in a phase” […]

12/9/2012 3 comments

Old picture

by BrooklynBoxx 12/9/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

When i made this cut i was scared. I had just traded an ounce of weed for a brand new box cutter, a kid bought me from home depot. Stupid i know i could have got it myself but with your dad watching you every moment of the day it was kinda hard. I said it was for protection.. protection from my thoughts.. but he gave it to me. No other questions ask even knowing my history.

I went home a couple days past and then me and my parents got in a huge fight. […]

12/9/2012 13 comments